It’s been a summer of sport and inevitably all that physical prowess and endeavour trickles down to ordinary mortals, who feel motivated to get fit and brush up their exercise routine. Sporting and physical exercise opportunities are legion, but how should you behave when you’re working out?

The dedication to physical activity, the dogged determination you bring to your exercise routine and the single-minded fixation on exercise goals are all important traits for aspiring athletes, but they all involve a level of self-absorption that can easily mutate into selfish and rude behaviour.

We’ve looked at some of the main activities and suggest the following basic exercise etiquette:

Gym

•If you’re a novice gym-user you may need advice and help when it comes to mastering the equipment. Don’t be shy; politely ask other gym-users for assistance – you’ll find they’re generally only too happy to help.

•Wear clean, presentable gym clothes and deodorant when working out and always carry a towel with you.

•You’re inevitably going to get sweaty when you work out. If you have a towel and carefully wipe equipment down when you have finished with it, nobody is going to find your sweating offensive.

•Don’t hover impatiently over users who are mid-workout because you want to use equipment.

•Don’t hog the equipment. In most gyms other people will be waiting, so don’t just sit there waiting between sets and scrolling on your phone. Move on and free up equipment for other users.

•Don’t offer advice on other people’s workout and never stare at fellow gym-goers. If you’re really concerned that someone is making mistakes and might injure themselves, have a discreet word with one of the staff or trainers.

•Be noise aware. If you’re listening to music, use headphones and keep the volume down. If you’re chatting to fellow gym-users, do so quietly and discreetly. Nobody would argue that gyms should maintain a church-like tranquillity, but most users are intent on their routine and find noisy conversation and music distracting.

•Keep your wits about you. Many people zone out when they’re exercising, especially if they’re listening to music or podcasts on their headphones. But keep an eye open – other people may want to ask you questions or may be seeking assistance and you wouldn’t want to cut them dead.

•No matter how satisfied you are by your gym-honed musculature it is a bad look to stand preening in front of the mirrors or to pose for self-congratulatory selfies. You’ll look like a self-absorbed narcissist and ordinary mortals, who are trying their best and hiding behind baggy and unflattering gym clothes, will feel deeply inadequate.

•Be very wary of videoing yourself mid-workout. Many people seem to feel that these smug snippets are suitable uploads for social media, but it’s very hard to grab a video without capturing other unwitting gym-users in the background and posting the results will intrude on their privacy and may cause trouble.

Pool

•Shower before you swim – creams and deodorant don’t mix well with chlorine. If possible, wear a swimming hat – especially if you’ve got long hair. Encounters with stray hairs are unpleasant for fellow swimmers.

•Know your form. When people are serious about exercise swimming, they visit pools at times when they are divided into lanes, which are usually classified into slow, medium and fast. If you’re unfamiliar with the environment, take a few moments to assess the speed and stroke of the swimmers in the various lanes and choose appropriately. A slow-moving breast-stroking tortoise in a lane full of slick and speedy crawlers is a recipe for frustration.

•It’s all about speed control. If you find yourself stuck behind someone who’s slower than you, keep close behind them and trust that they will let you past when you reach the shallow end. If they resolutely refuse to do so, you can resort to the cut-off – changing your direction of travel before you reach the shallow end and thereby avoiding the whole issue.

•If you feel someone breathing behind your neck as you approach the shallow end, accept that they’re faster than you, and usher them politely past. Doggedly refusing to do so will be the cause of a great deal of resentment and frustration and might even lead to angry exchanges.

•Always be observant of other swimmers; if you’re waiting to start a new lap and you see a faster swimmer than you approaching, it’s a good idea to wait a few moments and usher them in front of you.

•If a slower swimmer than you is courteous enough to wait for you and wave you on, acknowledge this gesture with a polite nod, a smile or a word of thanks. Don’t just power your way end to end in a relentless flurry of foam and goggles.

•If you feel someone coming up behind you and the way ahead is clear for them to overtake without inconveniencing oncoming swimmers, let them. Over-competitive swimmers often see the approach of a faster swimmer as a moment when they should do their utmost to speed up and block their attempts to overtake. This is just childish.

•Pools can be sociable places, with regular swimmers enjoying chats and small talk. This is very civilised, but if you’re going to hang around at the shallow end chatting, make sure you tuck yourself away to the sides of the lane, so that oncoming swimmers are not met with an impenetrable wall of stationery bodies and have room to touch the wall and turn.

Exercise Class

•Do your teacher the courtesy of paying attention in class. You might be attending with a friend but now is not the time for chatting.

•You’re involved in a communal activity so take the temperature of the room. Now is not the time to put your head down and engage in astonishing feats of speed and endurance; follow the tempo and atmosphere of the class. Classes are primarily about community not competition, so if you’re fiercely trying to outdo everyone else you’ll stand out like a sore thumb.

•If you’re a bit of a duffer, who’s always a few steps behind the routine, or you tend to go the wrong way altogether, then you’re not a candidate for the front row, as you may cause anarchy and chaos when your missteps are copied by the people behind you. If you’ve any self-doubt about your abilities lie low at the back of the class where your fumbling will pass unobserved.

The summer holidays are upon us and many parents will be contemplating paying visits to friends and family, with their children in tow. Now is the time when people who are childless, or whose own children have flown the nest, find themselves once again opening their doors to junior guests, which can be a daunting prospect.

Visiting with Children

Managing Expectations

It is important to explain to children beforehand what to expect: you can describe the bedroom where there’ll be sleeping, or talk about the garden, places you’re going to visit (seaside, funfair, river etc), and mention any special attractions, such as pets. It is a good idea to get your kids in a positive frame of mind about the visit before you set off, and now is the time to start giving them indications about how they should behave – you can tell them, for instance, to remember to always ask the host before they take anything from the fridge or turn on the television, and remind them about saying please and thank you.

Discussing Beforehand

It is a really good idea to talk to the host before you arrive about your children: you can explain their routine (what time they get up, eat, have a bath, go to sleep), and give some indication about how flexible this can be.

Now is the time to raise the issue of food: we all know that children can be faddy and may have a very picky attitude to unfamiliar food. As a parent, you can either accept that they won’t eat much of the food that is on offer (it might be advisable to bring snacks or breakfast cereals), or – if your host is anxious to oblige – you could indicate some non-controversial foods that your host could provide (fishfingers, pasta, chicken etc).  It’s up to the parents to gauge the host’s attitude beforehand and to assess just how willing they are to go out of their way to please their young guests. It is rude to come at your hosts with a list of demands, but of course if your advice is solicited it is important to give a clear picture.

A Sense of Responsibility

First and foremost, your children are your responsibility, and you should never assume that the host will take over your parenting duties. It is, of course, extremely tempting to treat your visit as a holiday, where you can abdicate responsibilities and hand over the childcare to other trustworthy adults, but you must never do this unless your hosts are genuinely keen to spend time with your children.

If your hosts have their own children, it is, of course, easier and you may well find childcare duties are taken off your hands. But if your hosts have their own nanny or au pair you should never assume that their employees will take over your own childcare; your children are nothing to do with them and it is presumptuous to expect them to take on extra work.

Adult Time

Even the most assiduous and accommodating of hosts might begin to feel frustrated if your children are omnipresent, especially at times when it is reasonable to expect the adults will be able to relax, drink and enjoy conversation. A baby or small child who has a set bedtime will be more popular than one who expects to stay up for dinner with the grown-ups. Guests must remember that house rules will apply so, even if they are used to eating with their own children at 6.30pm, if a host is planning an adults’ dinner, then this must be respected and the children be put to bed at an appropriate hour.

Similarly, if the hosts have arranged a babysitter or other help to facilitate an adult evening, it would be rude for guests’ children to be allowed to stay up.

Older children may well be allowed to stay up and watch TV or play on their computers – rather than joining in at dinner – but they should neither interrupt nor disturb the adults.

Of course, some children will not comply with this fixed timetable. They may be disturbed or over-excited because they are in a strange house or might in any case have an entirely different routine. If you cannot persuade your children to go meekly to bed when it’s adult dinner time, you might have to let them join you at the table, but you will need to be very vigilant about their behaviour. Your hosts will probably be fine with a quiet child, who is playing with a laptop or drawing in a colouring book; they might be less tolerant of one that is constantly interrupting the conversation or running around the dining room.

Come Prepared

Guests should bring toys and books for younger children and babies. These will provide invaluable distraction but may become a bit of an irritant if they are left scattered all over the sitting room, so it is a good idea to take responsibility for tidying them away as soon as the children are in bed.

With modern technology it is simple enough to bring some entertainment, in the form of a laptop or tablet, to occupy small children in their bedrooms either at bedtime or early in the morning. Children should not be allowed to put on the host’s TV by themselves unless they are old enough and the host has suggested it.

Early rising children can often be something of a trial when staying in someone else’s house as it is not reasonable to let them run around and make a lot of noise much before 8am. Laptops and phones may have to be deployed and, as long as you do your best to contain audible high spirits, most hosts should be tolerant of early risers.

Above all, be prepared to look at your children objectively, from your hosts’ point of view. You will, of course, be accustomed to the noise and disruption that children bring to your own household but try to understand that this will be challenging for people who are used to unchanging routines and unbroken tranquillity. If you can truly understand how they feel, you will be able to pre-empt any disturbance and ensure that your visit runs smoothly.

Hosting Children

If you’re hosting guests with children, the two watchwords are tolerance and communication. You should liaise with guests beforehand and find out as much as you can about the children’s routine, likes and dislikes and food requirements. Even if you do not approve of some of the answers you are given, now is not the time to lecture parents about healthy eating or fixed bedtimes. You should remember that first and foremost you are a host, and it is your duty to do the best you can to ensure that everyone has a good time. This may well mean adopting a tolerant attitude and accepting that your normal routines and customs may need to be modified for a short while.

Pre-empt any disasters or unfortunate accidents by taking the time to child-proof your house. At its simplest, this may mean stowing away any precious or delicate objects that could be damaged by boisterous playing and ensuring that you have hidden everything that you want to keep out of reach of prying hands.

Rather than being pernickety about your pristine white carpet or fussy about your polished dining table, try and feed children in the kitchen, where floors and surfaces are easily wiped, and no real damage will be done.

Trust that your guests will be on the lookout for any delinquent behaviour and will be doing their best to contain their children’s more exuberant antics. Remember that it is, first and foremost, the parents’ responsibility to monitor their children and to tell them off, if necessary. If you intervene directly, and start admonishing other people’s children, you may well cause offence, or make the parents feel undermined and questioned; it is much better if you witness behaviour that makes you see red to have a quiet and tactful word with the parents.

If you are flexible and accommodating, tolerant of the children and supportive of their parents, you may well find that the visit brings unexpected pleasures.

Dress codes in the country are, first and foremost, practical, providing all-weather protection. Clothes will need to be suitable for country pursuits, draughty houses and inclement weather. Traditional country fabrics are tweed, wool and waxed cotton; functional country wear has, in recent years, become extremely fashionable.

Dress Codes

•Black is traditionally seen as a city colour; men wear brown rather than black shoes and may choose a tweed jacket rather than a fine wool.

•Women will probably only wear black for formal evening events. Tailored jackets are discarded in favour of gilets, jumpers or cardigans.

•Outdoor weatherproof jackets are worn in preference to woollen overcoats.

•The countryside colour palate is muted, tending to browns and greens rather than black and navy.

•Scarves and woollen or fake fur hats are frequently worn by women, while flat caps for men may be worn.

•Wallking shoes, boots and wellingtons are all practical country footwear. Discard muddy shoes at the door and revert to slip-on shoes such as loafers indoors.

Tweed Caps

In 1571 an Act of Parliament decreed that on Sundays and holidays all males aged six and over, who were not members of the nobility, should wear a woven wool cap. Although this Act was later repealed, the cap had become the mark of the working man. At the other end of the spectrum members of the aristocracy and Royal Family adopted the tweed cap as practical headgear when out shooting. In the post-war years, working men discarded their flat caps but the eminently practical country cap survived and – fifty years on – has become a fashion icon.

Waxed Jackets

Waxed cotton was first invented for the clipper fleet when linseed oil (extracted from the flax plants used to make linen) was used to treat cotton sails and seamen’s clothing. The treated cloth was waterproof but became stiff in cold weather.

In the 1930s a new process was invented, when cotton cloth was treated with cupro-ammonia and coated with paraffin wax. The new, more flexible, fabric became indispensable for robust outdoor wear, much favoured by farmers and gamekeepers.

The chemical treatments meant that the fabric was originally only available in black or dark olive. The olive could vary considerably, so it became traditional for olive waxed cotton garments to boast a standardised brown corduroy collar.

Now adopted as the uniform of Britain’s country classes, waxed cotton jackets have moved beyond their beginnings as practical workwear. They are de rigueur at any social gathering in the countryside where protection from the elements is paramount – especially horse racing, horse trials, point to points and country fairs, and are often accessorised with tweed caps, silk headscarves and wellington boots.

The Wellington Boot

Arthur Wellesley, first Duke of Wellington and the general who led his nation’s troops to victory at the Battle of Waterloo (1815), instructed his shoemaker, George Hoby of St James Street, London, to fashion a boot out of calfskin leather. The boot was an adaptation of the traditional ‘Hessian’ design, cut lower on the leg so they were more comfortable for riding.

Leather ‘wellingtons’ proved enduringly popular – practical in battle, but appropriately stylish for evening wear.

Their transition to rubber boots followed the invention of the vulcanisation process for rubber by Charles Goodyear (1800–60). Wellingtons proved invaluable in the trenches of World War I, while in peacetime they kept fishermen’s feet dry and protected farmers from mud. Made of natural rubber with non-slip soles they were the ultimate practical footwear.

Now made in a range of fashionable colours and patterns, wellington boots have become the must-have footwear for country events, festivals and rainy days – a perfect fashion icon for a nation that enjoys the outdoor life, however unpredictable the weather.

The Classic Silk Scarf

A simple square of brightly patterned silk, folded in half to make a triangle and tied in a neat bow under the chin, is a style much beloved by the late Queen and copied by fashionistas everywhere. It is a fashionable way of protecting the hair when outdoors. Experiment with three ways of tying your scarf:

•Fold the square diagonally to make a triangle shape; tie it under your chin, leaving the triangle hanging behind  and accessorise with sunglasses and gloves.

•Using the same triangle shape, tie the scarf behind your head. This ‘bandana’ style will frame your face, adding a touch of piratical glamour.

•For the style made famous by Grace Kelly, fold the scarf into a triangle shape, place it on the head, and bring the corners under the chin, cross them and push them to the back of your neck where you should tie them, catching any loose material under the knot.

Equestrian Style

Several iconic items of British tailoring owe their origins to riding practicalities. The long Regency tailcoat was an adaptation of a gentleman’s hunting jacket, with a pronounced centre vent for ease of sitting in the saddle, and it soon found itself in civilised drawing rooms, allegedly introduced by the dandy Beau Brummell, paired with tight breeches and knee-length boots, and finished off with a ‘stock’, a kind of cravat fastened with a decorative pin. All these items of dress can still be seen on display in the refined world of dressage.

Today, the well-dressed equestrian can showcase the best of traditional British tailoring, which is complemented by the latest innovations in fabric technology. For general purposes, a tweed hacking jacket is a traditional, stylish and pragmatic choice. Named after the ‘hack’ or ‘hackney’, a saddle horse chosen for everyday riding pleasure, this serviceable jacket, with its plentiful pockets and comfortable fit, was an indispensable item of clothing for British landowners and aristocrats. Its flattering fitted silhouette became the model for the modern suit jacket.

Hacking jackets are made of tweed, single-breasted, with pronounced shoulders. They are cut quite long, with three or four horn buttons. They have short lapels and a long centre vent at the back. They are well-endowed with side pockets, a chest pocket and a large poacher’s pocket on the inside
They have a ghillie collar (which allows the jacket to be buttoned up at the neck) and a throat tab, which can be fastened across the neck when the collar of the jacket is upturned.

Ladies’ hacking jackets are fitted, hugging the torso with room over the seat and hips. High-cut arm holes aid ease of movement and a slightly longer sleeve length provides protection against the elements. Modern innovations use lighter more weather-resistant material and may even provide extra pockets for mobile phones.

The hacking jacket can be paired, for everyday riding, with a classic cotton or wool button-down shirt, or a neutral coloured lambswool sweater, and riding breeches. These fitted trousers are made of four-way stretch material, reinforced at the knee, and in some cases at the seat. They will usually be worn in white, beige, navy, black or olive, and are tapered so they can be tucked into riding boots.

All-weather riding is facilitated by the wide range of waterproof clothing now available, from waxed or Gore-Tex jackets to paddock jackets – these quilted, boxy jackets, with their contrasting velvet collars, are ubiquitous. Waterproof riding gloves are a useful addition. The final finishing touch is a specialist riding helmet, which meets approved safety standards. While a tweed cap is certainly a fashionable choice, especially when attending equestrian events, no serious rider would forego crucial head protection.

Whatever your choice, you can rest assured that you will cut a fine figure, and you will be able to enjoy the perfect marriage of form and function that is the hallmark of Britain’s best tailoring traditions.

Being invited as a guest to a restaurant is very different from going out for a meal with friends, where the bill is being split and there is a democratic free-for-all when it comes to food choices, complaints and requests.

If you are invited to lunch or dinner in a restaurant, you should remember that you are a guest and that someone else is picking up the bill. This means that they are running the show: organising orders, choosing the wine, making suggestions. As a guest, you will need to defer to the host and should never pre-empt their responsibilities, for instance by ordering another bottle of wine or more bread. You should keep any grumpiness with the food or the service to yourself and be as positive and appreciative as possible.

Ordering the Food

You may arrive with your host but if you arrive separately try to be as punctual as possible and give your host’s name to the restaurant front-of-house staff, who should show you to the table. When you are given the menu, you may want to ask your host if there is anything he/she recommends and no doubt the waiter will reel off the day’s specials. Do not feel you need to order from the set menu unless everyone is doing so; if the host says they’re ordering from the set menu, you might feel obliged to follow suit – the vital skill is to gauge the tenor of the hospitality and not to push beyond any boundaries you have detected. In general, it is safer, and more polite, not to opt for the most extravagant dish unless your host suggests it.

If the host enthusiastically recommends certain dishes, it is polite to endorse their judgement by ordering them, if possible, but you should not feel coerced. Sometimes, a short explanation will iron out any misunderstandings: “the tripe sounds delicious, but I’m afraid I’m really squeamish about offal”.

When you are choosing, be wary of complicated or messy food, which might involve unfamiliar implements (seafood picks for example) or finger bowls. If you are not sure what something means, then ask the waiter as you may embarrass the host if he/she does not know either. Remember, it will be boring for other guests if you embark on a long dialogue with the waiter about the nuances of the cuisine, the origin of the ingredients and so on.

When it’s time to order, don’t hold everyone up by prevaricating, be decisive. Just give an abbreviated version of the dish, eg “the lamb”, rather than solemnly intoning a long pretentious description, possibly in a foreign language. If you can barely understand anything and are too shy to ask you can always say: “the chicken, please” and hope for the best.

Asking for food that is not on the menu, or for food that is listed to be cooked or served in a special way is increasingly common as so many people now follow diets or have allergies or intolerances. It can, however, be rude to the host to make too much of a fuss or to hold everyone up, so keep it brief and include the host, explaining and apologising, rather than monopolising the waiter with complex demands. You don’t want to come across as neurotic and over-demanding.

The host will order and taste the wine, but you will then be served it as the guest. Unless you are an acknowledged expert whose opinion is solicited it is best to confine yourself to polite appreciation of the choice that has been made. It is fine to discuss the food, and certainly polite to endorse your dish enthusiastically if possible; do not be too critical and avoid being a food bore. Use discussions of the food as a platform for getting on to more interesting topics.

Usually, the first two courses are ordered at the same time and then the waiter will return to ask if you want to order anything else. It is not necessary to order pudding. If you do not want to indulge, you can ask for coffee at the same time as other people are having pudding, or – if it is a leisurely meal – wait until they finish and move on to coffee.

Guest Behaviour

Occasionally the host will have pre-ordered, leaving you with no choice or perhaps a very limited one, say beef or salmon. You must simply accept this. In a restaurant where you are unfamiliar with the food it may be best to leave one person to order a selection of dishes. If you must help yourself from communal dishes, remember not to reach across people. Ask to be passed things where possible and take a little from each dish if you can.

As a guest, do not criticise the food, or take on a senior position that may undermine the host. If there is a serious issue with the food (eg it is dangerously undercooked), mention it discreetly to the host, rather than peremptorily summoning the waiter, and allow them to handle it is their own way.

Above all, remember that your host is being generous and hospitable, and you therefore owe them the courtesy of focusing on the food, the company, the conversation, and not your phone. Put your phone away before you enter the restaurant, switch it off or mute it and resist the temptation to glance at it from time to time. The only exception would be if you are waiting for an important call or text; if this is the case you should explain at the outset that you might have to keep an eye on your phone.

If you see other people you know in the restaurant when you are someone’s guest, it is best just to smile or perhaps wave discreetly. If they come over on their way out and you must make introductions it is best to remain seated, not get up and start kissing people, and to keep it all very brief: “Lovely to see you. Let’s catch up soon.” Unless you think your host may be really interested, just give the briefest account of who they were. People sometimes resent such interruptions.

If you have been invited, you can expect the host to pay so just thank him/her warmly, don’t make feeble and half-hearted attempts to pay. If you are with a friend and normally share, then offer to do so, but if they have invited you and it is their idea it is best to suggest that you reciprocate next time.

Thanks

You may wish to thank for a restaurant meal by email as it is a less formal situation than being entertained in someone’s home and thanking promptly and quite briefly may be more appropriate, but a hand-written letter is always appreciated, especially if the meal was celebrating an important occasion. A text is better than nothing…

Country driving can be a pure delight – an unfolding canvas of scenic roads, very little traffic, picturesque villages, panoramic views. But it can also be dangerous, especially if you’re used to motorways or city streets. The key to safe and well-mannered driving in the country is patience. When roads are narrow and visibility is poor, you will find any number of hazards – from herds of livestock and slow-moving tractors to groups of hikers and horse-riders  – to slow you down. Accept that country driving is slow, sit back and enjoy the scenery.

Country Driving Essentials

•Keep to your side of the road, and don’t let reduced visibility tempt you into wandering into the oncoming lane.

•Watch your speed and observe speed limits carefully. Country driving is notable for a number of unexpected hazards, and you need to be able to react quickly. Be very wary of road surfaces: we’re beset by potholes on UK roads and country lanes, which may be liable to flooding and damage from heavy agricultural machinery, are often ill maintained and dangerous.

•Country roads are often twisting and turning; brake before you reach a corner and try and use hedges or telegraph wires to anticipate the layout of the road ahead.

• Be patient: you may be stuck behind slow-moving tractors or agricultural machinery, but this will rarely be over long distances. Remember these are country-dwellers who are legitimately going about their everyday business – the country is not a theme park, conveniently laid out for your delectation and enjoyment. Just resign yourself to moving slowly and resist the temptation to flash your headlights or swing out from behind.

•Watch out for cyclists. It’s an increasingly popular hobby and they frequently travel in packs, which makes them hard to overtake on country roads. Crawl along behind them, keep your distance and only overtake when you’re confident to do so. You may find them irritating, but honking your horn, revving your engine, or shouting at them through the car window is an absolute no no; remember that, according to the Highway Code, they have priority.

•Be very cautious around horses. If you see a horse and rider ahead, slow down to a crawl and creep behind. When it is completely safe to overtake, pull out, giving the horse a wide berth, and driving very slowly to avoid alarming the animal.

•Driving along with your windows open and music blaring out is an inconsiderate assault on rural tranquillity. It is also dangerous when, for example, encountering horses, who may well be startled by loud noises. For this reason, honking horns is frowned upon on country roads.

 •Keep an eye open for pedestrians. Walking down country lanes can be hazardous, and where there are no verges, pedestrians are often forced to walk in the road. Slow down if you see a pedestrian ahead and overtake gently. Aggressively racing past with just a hair breadth’s clearance is the height of bad manners.

•Accept that, if you encounter a car coming in the opposite direction on a narrow, single-tracked country lane, you may have to reverse to let them through. Don’t try and sit it out; the convention is that the person who is nearest to a gateway or pull-off is the person who tucks their car into the side. If you encounter a large vehicle, they take priority, and you must manoeuvre yourself out of the way.

•Nothing winds up locals more than a visitor parking in a passing place or not acknowledging someonwe who has pulled over to let them pass – a wave of a hand or raising a finger from the steering wheel is all it takes.

•Park considerately; a gateway might look like a convenient spot to pull off the road, but you may well be blocking a farmer or a resident.

Satnav Slip-ups

In-car navigation systems have prevented many a long and scenic detour, but they are not infallible: listen to that inner voice of doubt before you gamely follow your SatNav’s instruction to turn off an A-road onto a narrow dirt track. Remember, in areas with limited satellite coverage, such as remote rural areas or deep valleys, GPS accuracy may be impeded. Listen to instructions from residents and bow to their greater knowledge of rural highways and byways and always carry a physical road map; a craven dependence on technology may well leave you seriously disorientated. 

Animal Alerts

British road signs alert motorists to a number of wildlife hazards – swerving to avoid wildlife is the cause of many accidents. In 2019 the UK government introduced a ‘small mammal warning’ sign, depicting a hedgehog, intended to protect vital crossing routes, particularly on rural roads. A recent estimate suggests that as many as 335,000 hedgehogs are killed on UK roads a year, with numbers peaking in July, suggesting that the road deaths are linked with the breeding season. Hedgehog fatalities are highest on the suburban edges of towns and in areas where roads are bordered by grassland, so being aware of the season and terrain can help prevent needless roadkill.

One of the most dangerous wild animals for motorists is the deer. Recent research indicates an annual tally of 74,000 deer-related accidents on UK roads. Most accidents occur during the deer’s rutting season, which occurs from around October to December, with dusk and dawn being high-risk times of day. Be particularly vigilant at these times, especially on roads that run close to woods and forests and take note of deer warning signs. If you do see a deer at night, dip your headlights, which will prevent the animal from ‘freezing’.

The Unfortunate Pheasant

Exotic pheasants originated in Asia and were brought to the British Isles by the Romans, where they have thrived and become an integral part of the country scene. Unfortunatey, they are particularly vulnerable on British roads, especially in the autumn, when captive-bred birds are released from their pens. Not noted for their intelligence, such birds have little experience of living in the wild or learning from other birds; they are mainly land-based and only fly when startled, with an alarming tendency to head across roads in front of traffic.

Click here for a free download of our new booklet, Debrett's Guide to Country Pursuits

This has been a truly competitive summer. Not only have we been transfixed by our own UK general election, but all over the world an unprecedentedly high number of democracies have gone to the polls in 2024. Sports – from tennis and Euros football to the upcoming Olympic Games – are taking centre stage this summer, gobbling up news slots and airtime and attracting exuberant partisanship and support. At the other end of our spectrum, it is nearly the end of term, and our children are caught up in their own sports days and competitions, vital early training in the art of winning and losing.

All this competitiveness and striving for success puts winners and losers in the spotlight. We are taught from an early age about the essentials of losing graciously – the brave smile, the generous tribute to the winner, the dignified exit. But what about winning well? We’ve all seen examples of how it should not be done – gloating triumphalism, disdain for the loser, a lack of generosity when it comes to applauding their achievements. So how do you go about winning well?

1.  Thank your opponent
It is important to acknowledge the time, energy and commitment that your opponent has put into competing with you. After all, without that input, you would not be celebrating your victory and all contents are dependent on dedicated participation. Thanking your opponent is an elegant way of endorsing the importance and legitimacy of the contest.

2. Thank your friends and supporters
Most winners have achieved victory on a tidal wave of support. Whether it is the back-breaking hours of campaigning and volunteering that have helped usher a political candidate to victory, or the professionalism and commitment of trainers and coaches who have helped their protegees achieve sporting gold, victors require assistance, and this must be acknowledged as effusively as possible.

As well as dedicated helpers, it is also important to thank the support of the wider public, whether it is voters in a constituency or the thousands of dedicated fans who travel great distances and spend large sums of money to cheer on their sporting heroes.

Above all, it is vital to thank friends and family; they have lived through the battle, and their loyalty and enthusiasm is a vital prop to all competitors. Their contribution should never be overlooked or underestimated.

3. Pay tribute to the losing party
You must always find something positive to say about the losers. This is straightforward if you have lost by the slimmest of margins – ruefully acknowledging that the battle was close-fought and could have gone either way makes it clear that you both respect, and fear, your opponent, and you will no doubt find it easy to single out their strengths and commend their performance.

But even if you have trounced an opponent whom you despise or disdain, it is still important to find something positive to say about them and rise above your own feelings of justified triumphalism. Praising their conviction or tenacity is often a good way of masking your negative feelings.

4. Be humble
Never let the sheer joy of victory turn into bragging or gloating. You may feel overwhelmed with feelings of superiority but putting them on display will turn onlookers off. It‘s fine to be proud of your achievements, but revelling in obvious delight at your opponent‘s loss is very unattractive.

5.  Ignore sore losers
Sometimes, when feelings are running high, losers are not able to control their emotions and behave with becoming magnanimity. They might even throw a tantrum or lash out at you with personal insults and negativity. In these circumstances, it is important to stand by and allow them to let off steam. By rising above their anger, you will look calm and dignified. Remind yourself that, however unpleasant the loser’s outburst, you are the winner and you have achieved your goal – don’t let the loser’s bitterness taint your triumph.

6. Don’t fixate on vindication
Some victories occur against the odds: you have been predicted to lose, commentators have rated your chances at zero, you have been dismissed out of hand. Or maybe you are competing against a firm favourite, and you have had to struggle against a partisan crowd and ignore the taunts of hecklers and abusers.

In these circumstances it is tempting, when you finally prevail, to focus on your own sense of vindication. You might feel an overwhelming urge to berate your audience of detractors, sullying your victory speech with “I told you so” gloating. Hard as it is, it is always better to put these feelings behind you and focus on the positive aspects of winning, as outlined above. That way, you will earn the grudging respect of your erstwhile critics.

And finally...
Winning is delightful and nobody should begrudge winners the opportunity to celebrate with friends and supporters. But beware complacency and resting on your laurels and always remember that, in most circumstances, a victory is a stage in a journey, rather than an ultimate goal. Top athletes who reach the pinnacle of their aspirations feel driven to strive for greater and greater achievements and record-breaking wins. Politicians are also aware that even a resounding win at the polls is only the beginning of the story; the hard work starts here…

Britain is 85 per cent urbanised, and for all of us town- and city-dwellers the countryside is an alluring prospect of escape, a place where we can indulge in rural pursuits and tranquillity. But we are merely visitors in the countryside and do not depend on it for our livelihoods; it is all too easy for us to see it as a kind of theme park, open to visitors, rather than a place where people live and work, which can lead to culture clashes. We’ve looked at ways in which city-dwellers and people who live in the countryside can interact in a positive way.

How to be a Country House Guest

For a traditional weekend in the country, guests are expected to arrive on the Friday night in time for dinner. If it is not going to be possible to arrive in time for dinner, they can suggest they will arrive late on Friday (having already eaten) or cone on Saturday in time for lunch. The usual time to leave would be after lunch on Sunday, or possibly after tea, but do not expect a Sunday night supper. Know the code: “Stay for lunch on Sunday” means “leave soon afterwards”.

If you are running late, call ahead in good time. If you are arriving by train, you will probably be met at the station, but check first, and offer to get a taxi.

•Come Bearing Gifts

Wine is usually very welcome, but don’t be offended if the wine is put away and not offered – it might not go with the menu or other wines. A bottle of chilled champagne is always a safe option.

Bringing food and drink is not suitable for a very formal or grand house party but may be much appreciated on other occasions.

You can always avoid any potential awkwardness by bringing small gifts for the hosts’ children.

Alternatively, it may be more considerate to offer to take the hosts out for lunch on Saturday.

•Come Equipped

Your hosts may have informed you in advance of their plans (horse-riding, golf, a long walk etc). If they have not done so, you should certainly make sure that you have got appropriate footwear and waterproof clothing.

Dress according to the grandeur of the house. A country cottage won’t require black tie, but a stately home just might. Your hosts should alert you to any planned formal events.

•What about the Dog?

It is essential to ask your hosts first as the host’s dogs may not like other dogs on their territory. The exception would be a shooting dog, but always asks first.

Guests should bring their own dog’s food, basket etc. They should not bring dogs that are used to sleeping on the bed; this may be beyond the pale for many hosts who like to ensure the bedrooms are a dog-free zone.

•The Ideal Guest

The ideal guest is always easy-going and compliant and fits in enthusiastically with plans made for their entertainment.

You will no doubt be told to “make yourself at home” but don’t interpret this literally. That means following the rhythm of the hosts, getting up in time for breakfast, being sociable, and not expecting hotel-style facilities – plumbing, for example, may be antiquated and unpredictable (rural areas are more likely to experience power cuts) so taking endless hot baths is not recommended.

Food should not be taken from the kitchen or drinks from the fridge and ask first before you make a cup of tea. Offer to help with cooking and washing up (even though you will probably be turned down).

Don’t leave your possessions lying around in communal spaces and be meticulous about removing muddy footwear before entering the house.

•Tipping

If there are household staff, they should be tipped. On departure, a tip is left on the dressing table, either in an envelope or just on its own, or ask the host for advice.

•Say Thank You

It is essential that you write a note of thanks within a day or two of your departure (avoid emails and texts). As well as showing your gratitude, you should refer to something specific about the weekend that you enjoyed (a particularly enjoyable walk, delicious dinner, fascinating outing etc)

If you have transgressed in any way during your visit (eg drunk too much on Saturday night or spoiled the evening because of a strident argument with a fellow guest), now is the time to apologise.

Guide for City Slickers

Are you an urban animal who feels adrift in the countryside?

Do

•Come prepared for all eventualities, not least inclement weather. Waterproof clothing and wellington boots are essential; white linen trousers and leather loafers will soon look laughably bedraggled and mud-splattered.

•Remember that – unlike the mean streets of our big cities – where everyone does their utmost not to engage in conversation or eye contact, in the countryside it is customary to smile, greet people and even exchange a few words.

•Accept that life in the countryside is much more slow-paced, and that includes the driving. Hurtling through country lanes at breakneck speeds is extremely dangerous. Step off the treadmill and take the time to really appreciate the tranquil sights and sounds.

•Remember that visiting the countryside is an olfactory experience. If you’re accustomed to nothing more than traffic fumes, you will be assaulted by the scent of wildflowers and freshly cut hay but also by less pleasant odours – animal droppings, manure, cow pats, silage. Gagging into your handkerchief is a real give-away.

Don’t

•You will be a bit of a laughing stock if you visit the countryside kitted out for activities that you have no intention of pursuing. Jodhpurs, riding boots, thigh-length waders and so on are practical items of country clothing not fashion statements.

•Banging on about yourself and your wonderfully stimulating city life isn’t going to cut any ice at a country house dinner. Do people the courtesy of showing an interest in their lives and preoccupations, ask plenty of questions and listen attentively.

•Wandering disconsolately around a country house or garden with your mobile raised above your head as you try and get a signal is not a good look. Everybody knows that the WiFi signal is dodgy in rural areas; making a song and dance about it is just rude.

•Inflicting your latest list of food intolerances, fads, diets and fitness regimes on your fellow guests may be met with dismay. Most people who live in the countryside are proud of their range of local products and are fit because they walk everywhere, ride or engage in vigorous land management. Your fastidious lifestyle choices will betray you as a real city slicker, and a self-preoccupied one at that.

Not a Fan of the Countryside?

Here’s how to ensure that you will be seen as irredeemably urban and not invited back:

•RSVP and arrive late, bearing a sad bunch of petrol station flowers or, better still, nothing.

•Announce that you are a vegetarian. Time your revelation to coincide with the carving of Sunday lunch.

•Complain about the cold. County house inhabitants pride themselves on their hardiness. If you really want to put their backs up, moan about the lack of central heating and double glazing and sit hunched next to the fire in multiple woolly layers.

•Make loud comments about the one-toothed local in the village pub. Then order a martini.

•Refuse to walk anywhere and insist on using your car. Then complain vociferously about potholes, mud splattering and the paucity of EV charging points.

•Talk about nothing other than yourself, preferably down your mobile phone (IF you manage to get a signal) to someone back in town.

Click here to download our Debrett's Guide to Country Pursuits

The British are renowned for their imperturbable, orderly queueing, and this propensity will be genially displayed over the next fortnight, when large numbers of tennis-fans queue patiently outside the All England Lawn Tennis Club, eager to gain access to Wimbledon.

The need for queuing dates to the Industrial Revolution, when cities became overcrowded, resources were stretched, and public transport was at a premium. But it is theorised that it reached its apogee during successive world wars in the 20th century, when queueing was essential to maintain order, and large numbers of citizens were marshalled daily to collect their rations, obtain scarce commodities, enter bomb shelters, board crammed trains and so on. “Waiting your turn” became a patriotic duty and queue-bargers were seen as letting the side down, an attitude that persists to this day.

Queues, while onerous and time-consuming, were also seen as a chance to consolidate a feeling of community in difficult times – often by indulging in moaning with strangers (frequently about the queue), which is another undeniably British pastime. Even today, many people still find queuing surprisingly bonding.

The British are excellent queuers because they are phlegmatic and forbearing. While they might enjoy moaning about the queue, they choose not to fight against it. They observe queuing conventions because they perceive them to be fair and even-handed. A good queue is essentially a democratic affair; situations where VIPs are allowed to break the rules and are ushered to the head of the queue are much resented.

Queuing Etiquette

1. Never Jump the Queue

This is the worst queuing solecism and if you cut into a queue, you are liable to find yourself reproached. Many people try to evade this fundamental rule by ‘planting’ people in the queue to hold their place. This may be just about acceptable if one person is holding a place for another, but if a larger number of people are relying on a single placeholder, they may well find themselves extremely unpopular as other queuers will see their queue-jumping as fundamentally unfair.

2. Respect your Neighbours

A queue will find you in proximity with other people, who will be able to hear what you are saying. So don’t act as if you are in your own little bubble; resist making provocative or offensive remarks that are likely to make your fellow-queuers uncomfortable. Be polite and considerate.

3. Observe Personal Space

We all know that everyone who is forced to wait in a queue is anxious to move forwards, but you cannot make progress by inching forwards until you are breathing, impatiently, down the neck of the person standing in front. Don’t invade other people’s personal space and leave as much room as possible.

4. Participate in Queue Conversations

One of the great pleasures of the queue is the liberating anonymity that you will discover in conversing with someone whose back is turned; you can avoid eye contact and hence actual personal interaction and the intimacy that might entail. But you are effectively in the same boat (or queue) and will be able to find common ground, which may be fruitful.

5. Mind the Gap

While it is important to leave a sensible amount of space between you and the person in front, you must also be mindful of leaving too large a gap, which might attract the unwanted attentions of a queue barger. Remember, anyone who isn’t fully committed to moving forward an inch for every inch that opens up will earn the opprobrium of the crowd queuing behind.

6. Politely Deter Transgressors

We’ve all been in situations where someone has, possibly innocently, queue-barged. They may of course be a dedicated cheat, intent on evading their queuing obligations, but they also might simply have made a mistake about the end of the queue. So, give transgressors the benefit of the doubt, by politely pointing out their mistake. Just say, “I’m so sorry, I’m in the queue – you’ll find the end over there.” They will be embarrassed and will withdraw instantly as we all know that queue-jumping is a serious matter, which moves even the reticent British to outrage. Whatever you do, don’t just accept their anti-social antics and spend the rest of your queuing time simmering with silent resentment.

Boarding Buses

Queues are very much a fact of British life, but in some instances, they are breaking down. Orderly lines waiting at bus stops are a thing of the past. Nowadays, passengers tend to mass around the stop and board the bus in random order. This alarming tendency can be somewhat mitigated by your behaviour:

•Try and respect the amount of time people have waited: if there are people already at the bus stop and you turn up at the same time as the bus, it would be polite to let the people who are already waiting onto the bus first, rather than swanning up to the door and getting on first.

•Always let older people, or parents with pushchairs and small children, or people with mobility issues onto the bus first. They will need more time to board, and in any case should be allowed to secure seats if possible.

Top: Britain Queues For Food- Rationing and Food Shortages in Wartime, London, England, UK, 1945
Men, women and children queue for potatoes outside 'J Wood' the greengrocer at 97-99 High Road, Wood Green, London.

We all know that saying “no” can be extremely hard: we risk disappointing or letting down our friends and colleagues; we might upset someone who relies on our emotional support. But the whole business becomes much more difficult when we encounter someone who simply won’t take no for an answer.

We’ve all met people who simply refuse to be refused. From the most trivial thing, such as saying no to a glass of wine, to turning down an invitation, our every negative is met with a torrent of incredulity, distress, cajoling and pleas to reconsider. It is emotionally exhausting, and it is also very rude: good manners dictate that we respect other people’s integrity and their ability to make their own decisions and we accept them graciously with a minimum of fuss. We may feel disappointed or let down, but we should never use those feelings to manipulate other people into doing what we want.

A Social No

The tendency not to take no for an answer is often very apparent in social situations, especially when someone is hosting. This is because the social responsibility of offering hospitality can make people feel pressurised and exposed. They have gone to a great deal of trouble to organise a social event and understandably want it to be a great success. They are anxious about the food and drink and the social dynamics. So, when a guest says no (to the invitation, an offer of a drink, a second helping, a plea to stay), they dig their heels in and seek to persuade the nay-sayer to change their minds. This inevitably makes the whole encounter awkward and embarrassing, which of course is completely counterproductive.

You might find that you have friends or relations who are very prone to refusing to take no for an answer. When they extend an invitation, or ask for a favour, you are filled with dread, because you know you are about to embark on a long, possibly distressing, negotiation, which might even end in your capitulation. Try and do the following:

•Think carefully about why you are saying no and be sure that you have good reasons for doing so.  If your refusal is well-founded, you should be able to assert it more firmly. If you’re half-minded to comply, you’ll be open to persuasion – but beware, that sets a dangerous precedent and you might find that your refusals are never taken seriously.

•Inveterate non-accepters of refusals may use texts and emails to engage in long negotiations or may even try to persuade you that they didn’t get your text or that your message wasn’t clear. Sometimes it’s easier to say no in person or, failing that, on the phone. You can communicate decisiveness and resolution much more effectively in the tone of your voice than in a written message.

•Be polite and decisive, and don’t feel compelled to elaborate. Once you start listing excuses (other commitments, social exhaustion and so on), you are giving the other person a nugget of information which they can use to worry away at you (pleas to reschedule, attempts to persuade you that your batteries will be recharged by a social event).

• Be observant about the tactics the other person will use. It is likely that you have had difficulties with this person before, so you should be aware of their techniques: they may be adept at making you feel guilty (I “won’t enjoy it if you’re not there!), or skilled at manipulating your fear of missing out (using promises of illustrious guestlists, alluring venues, gourmet food etc), or good at flattering you (“but you're the life and soul of the party!”). Forewarned is forearmed.

•Shut the conversation down, but politely. Acknowledge the other person’s kindness (especially if they are asking you to a social event) but reiterate your refusal: “It was so kind of you to invite us to dinner on Saturday, but I’m afraid we won’t be able to come. I do hope you all have a lovely time!”

•If you’re interrogated about your reasons for saying no, keep your answers polite and pithy; you are under no pressure to go into minute detail about your social commitments, or rambling anecdotes about the myriad reasons why you can’t comply. Just say something like “I’ve got other social commitments that night…” and leave it at that.

A Professional No

It was once considered a great compliment to say that your boss was “someone who won’t take no for an answer!” because it indicated that he was relentlessly bullish, didn’t believe in failure and was always looking for positive outcomes, even if that meant pushing his team and ignoring objections.

Nowadays, we are all too painfully aware of the perils of 24/7 working and recognise that relentless pressure at work can lead to stress and burnout. Yet many workplaces are powered by a culture that is all about saying “yes” to impossible requests, showing a willingness to do whatever it takes, and expects employees to contribute to a general atmosphere of positivity. There is so much emphasis on team dynamics and achievements that workers are afraid to say “no” because they fear they are letting their colleagues and managers down, even if they know that they are jeopardising their work-life balance and might quite possibly be promising something they simply can’t deliver, with all the attendant stress that involves.

Hearing the word “no” and taking it seriously means not seeing it as an indicator of general negativity, but as a sign that too much is being demanded of the workforce. In these circumstances, it is vital for managers and team leaders to prioritise the demands that they are making and to look at other solutions, such as hybrid, part-time or flexible working.

At work, as in social life, it is important to take no for an answer. Nobody, in a professional context, is going to say “no” lightly. We are all convinced that our capacity as workhorses and our willingness to take on ever great challenges are the indicators that we are good employees. But these traits might be signals that we are overreaching, compromising our professionalism through over-ambitious striving, and very possibly becoming much less effective because we are just demanding too much of ourselves.

Managers need to create a culture where expectations are realistic and employees’ estimates of their capacity or doubts about the viability of certain undertakings, are taken seriously. Indeed, they should create a culture where they are willing to take no for an answer and should congratulate themselves because doing so is an indication that workers are being respected.

For a country with reliably undependable weather the British are remarkably keen on barbecues and al fresco entertaining. This means that, in addition to all the usual hazards involved in entertaining, the weather is an unknown quantity, and best-laid plans are often upended.

With this in mind, we looked at the five most common barbecue blunders and countered with five basic tips, which will help your event go with a swing:

Barbecue Blunders

1. Not lighting up before guests arrive

Everyone agrees that food grilled on charcoal is particularly delicious, but if you are choosing to go down this road you will have to accept that it is much more fickle and fiddly than a gas barbecue, which can simply be fired up 10-15 minutes before you want to start cooking.

Never resort to lighter fluid to start the coal as a paraffin taste will impregnate the food and the unpleasant smell will linger. Take it slowly and use a chimney starter: pack the bottom with newspaper, add the coals, light the newspaper and allow 20–30 minutes for the charcoal to heat up before pouring the hot coals into your grill. Only do this when the coals have turned grey, and no black is visible. You can create heat zones by piling up coals on one side of your grill for high temperature searing and positioning fewer coals on the opposite side for cooking more delicate fish and vegetables. Now close the lid on your grill and let it sit for at least 10 minutes before you start cooking.

2. Not focusing on the food

Barbecuing is an art, and you will need to concentrate when you’re cooking, especially if you are juggling meat, fish and vegetables, which will all need different heat levels and cooking times. It’s easy to get carried away with your professional chef persona but the reality is that barbecuing is not a theatrical performance, and you will probably need to ignore your guests while you concentrate on cooking.

It is sensible, therefore, to enlist the services of your partner, or a close friend, as a co-host, while you are negotiating the most challenging part of the process. They can hand out drinks and nibbles and make sure that guests are comfortable.

3. Not thinking about vegetarians

Traditionally, barbecues are seen as pretty meat-centred affairs. Carnivores will drool at the prospect of sizzling slabs of rare steak or fatty sausages, but for pescatarians and non-meat eaters this could be a real turn-off.

Check out beforehand if any of your guests are vegetarians or vegans and don’t simply resort to making an extra large bowl of coleslaw. Cheese such as halloumi is delicious on the barbecue, and vegans will enjoy grilled tofu. You can also create vegetable skewers, using peppers, onions and courgettes. Fish-eaters will enjoy robust choices that withstand the barbecue experience like halibut and swordfish (lightly oiled before cooking to prevent sticking); sardines and mackerel also barbecue well.

4.  Not thinking about the guests’ comfort

It’s all very well revelling in the primitive ‘cave man’ aura of cooking over fire in the open air, but many of your guests – while undoubtedly appreciative of your culinary efforts – will be less than pleased if they find themselves perched on a wobbly chair, forced to balance an overloaded plate of steaming hot food on their laps, while their wine glasses repeatedly topple over in the long grass at their feet.

Eating and socialising is much better if everyone is sitting around a table on reasonably comfortable chairs, with real crockery and cutlery. The furniture doesn’t have to be pristine – you can disguise a multitude of imperfections with tablecloths, throws and cushions – but it should at least be stable and functional.

5. Not planning for the weather

Optimistically setting out the garden furniture and the grill, with no provision made for a sudden dash indoors (dining room table overloaded with papers, not enough chairs etc) is foolhardy unless we are in the middle of one of our rare heatwaves.

Many people wisely make barbecuing into an impromptu decision, entirely based on the weather and on levels of confidence in the sunshine lasting all day. It is hard to organise a barbecue well ahead because the weather may not fit in with your plans. The best solution is to invite your guests in advance, mention that – weather permitting – you will be barbecuing and serving food in the garden (this will alert them to the need for hats, suncream, sweaters and wraps for chilly evenings). But always have a Plan B: you may have to cook the food in your conventional oven, and your guests may have to move inside and eat in the dining room.

Barbecue Basics

1.  Preparation is key

Most barbecue food preparation can be done well in advance: marinades for meat must be prepared and utilised ahead of time, and salads and salsas can be chopped, assembled and refrigerated (add dressings at the last minute to avoid salads looking sad and oily).

But it’s not just about the food; you should also ensure that seating is organised, and the table is laid before your guests arrive. There is nothing more discouraging than arriving, and then being forced to stand around, looking helpless, while your hosts hump large items of furniture and cool boxes around the lawn.

2.  Timing is Everything

Cooking on a barbecue is stressful because it involves concentration and coordination, which can be very difficult to maintain when you’re surrounded by guests. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a solo show: enlist a couple of willing helpers to keep an eye on the various components and distribute cooked food. You might have to accept that a barbecue is effectively an ad hoc staggered meal, with different dishes coming out at irregular intervals and some people getting their food way before their companions. This really doesn’t matter, because people really enjoy the improvisational nature of barbecuing – they will appreciate well-cooked food straight off the grill even if they do have to wait for it.

3.  Remember the drinks

With so much focus on the grill and the cooking, it’s easy to forget to keep your guests’ glasses full and ensure that they are well hydrated – especially important if it’s hot and sunny. If possible, deputise someone else to ensure that there is a smooth flow of bottles from the fridge to the cool box (or shady spot) and that ice is regularly replenished. You could set up your drinks on a table under a tree and point your guests to the drink with an invitation to help themselves; barbecues are, first and foremost, informal affairs so they’ll be happy to do their own pouring. Finally, make sure you have adequate supplies of water and soft drinks for people who do not want to drink alcohol, or for those who have reached the point where self-restraint looks like a sensible option.

4. Take a break

It’s hard, sweaty work keeping a barbecue going for a crowd of people. No matter how much you love the process, don’t overdo it. It’s easy – especially if your marinades start sizzling, the sausages are spitting, flames are licking out of your grill, and your garden is engulfed in clouds of acrid black smoke – to become extremely frazzled and short-tempered. This is a sign that you should take a break; sit down, have a drink and talk to your guests.

5. Don’t be a barbecue fanatic

It’s great to enjoy outdoors cooking, but don’t get so absorbed by the food that you fail to notice that your garden is windswept, it’s spotting with rain, your guests are huddled under an assortment of blankets and their fingers are gradually turning blue. Sometimes, you really do have to concede defeat and take it indoors. Don’t put your guests in a situation where they must either sit it out in sub-Arctic temperatures or plead with you to go inside. Keep an eye on everyone and the moment you see any signs of incipient discomfort, call it a day.