The first few days in January are a big anti-climax for many of us. We feel we have over-indulged and over-spent during the Christmas period and we may well feel played out and exhausted by all the social commitments and bonhomie.

It is all too easy to slump into a post-Christmas stupor, and to focus firmly on individual priorities – fitness resolutions, healthy eating regimes, alcohol abstention plans, and so on. But before you shift your focus firmly to yourself and your recovery and self-improvement programme, make sure that you have adequately acknowledged all the people that have made stupendous efforts to ensure that Christmas went with a swing.

Thanks for Hospitality

It is all too easy, with Christmas and New Year’s Eve now behind us, to overlook the thanks we owe our hosts. Whether they are family members or friends, the people who lay on elaborate Christmas feasts, or are willing to host large numbers of people for several days, are truly heroic.

Now is the time to send a formal note of thanks for Christmas hospitality. It is not enough to simply proffer verbal thanks on the doorstep when everyone is in a muddle of departure. It’s fine to leave it a few days, but do not overlook the more formal follow-up, and try and send your thanks by Twelfth Night (5th January), which marks the end of the festive period.

Before you send your thanks, work hard to recall the details of the festive proceedings, think about the efforts your hosts have made, and ponder – in the dull post-Christmas days – the special touches that made the event (whether it was a meal, a Christmas stay or a party) particularly memorable or outstanding.

Your hosts have made gargantuan efforts and may well be suffering from a slump after the event, so they will appreciate your thanks even more. It is common, when you have pulled off a big feat of entertaining, to feel a bit insecure and anxious about the event. You might even begin to obsess about details – Were your roast potatoes crisp enough? Were the post-Christmas party games too raucous? Was the Christmas pudding too heavy? It is at this point, when you are fretting about your hosting performance, that a reassuringly positive letter of thanks will be most appreciated.

Thank-you notes are always more effective when you focus on details of the event. Everyone can come up with a generic ‘thank you for having me’, but you will only truly convey genuine gratitude if you are able to focus on the particular and highlight certain details that really stood out. Whether it is the quality of the food (“the roast goose was so succulent and I particularly liked the pear and cranberry stuffing), the conviviality of the day (“I loved the fact that we all played games after lunch and it was wonderful to have a tv-free Christmas”), or the pleasures of meeting new people (“I was so happy to finally meet Emily – you were right, we had so much in common and we’re going to meet up in the new year”), it is the details that will really make your thanks ring true.

Letter or Digital?

Thank-you letters may seem old-fashioned, but there is no doubt that a handwritten note, preferably on decent stationery (no lined sheets torn from a notebook in an envelope pilfered from the office), packs an extra punch. Most recipients will appreciate that you have made an extra effort to convey your thanks. They may well recognise your writing and find it reassuringly familiar. They will also acknowledge that you have had to procure a stamp and locate a postbox – all these little signs of effort communicate that your gratitude is genuine.

If you are someone who never puts pen to paper, you will choose a digital option, and there is no doubt that written thanks, however they are conveyed, are always better than a verbal acknowledgement. Emails will give you more scope to personalise your thanks and focus on details. Texts are generally short and more mundane and there is a danger that your message might come across as perfunctory (though a lot will depend on the relationship you have with the hosts and your usual ways of communicating with them).

Apologies

You might be looking back on your Christmas festivities with a jaundiced eye. They may have not gone particularly well, but this is not a reason to forego thanks. Even if the day was filled with culinary disasters and social pitfalls, try hard to find something positive to say – there really is no point compounding the host’s post-event misery by simply ignoring the whole debacle.

Some of your post-event discomfort might be caused by your own behaviour. If you are uncomfortably aware that you blotted your copybook, now is the time to make amends. We all know that Christmas brings a host of social pressures: it is scarcely surprising that claustrophobic gatherings of ill-assorted people, who are cooped up together and probably drinking too much, often end up with drunken arguments, fractiousness or resentment.

If you are regretting your own behaviour, you really should add an apology to your thank-you note. As with all apologies, it is essential that you acknowledge the offence and express your regret for any discomfort you have caused. Do not offer excuses and never use the word ‘if’. If you find yourself writing phrases like “I’m sorry if I spoilt the Christmas Day atmosphere – I was really exhausted after a hard day at work and the long drive and I probably had a bit too much to drink”, think again. Cut out the prevarications and excuses and just say something like “I really must apologise for my behaviour on Christmas Day – I’m afraid I drank too much, which was inexcusable”.  Most hosts will forgive your behaviour if they feel you have fully acknowledged it, and doing so as soon as possible will avoid the festering resentments that can all too often cloud the Christmas aftermath.