It is no secret that Christmas is a time when many people succumb to feelings of stress and depression, with a Mental Health Foundation survey finding that 54% of people were worried about the mental health of someone they knew during the Christmas season. Undoubtedly Christmas pressures can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and make this a challenging time of year for many people.

There are many ways to counter these negative feelings and to ensure that you, and the people you care about, do not succumb to them. We look at the ways in which good manners, empathy and consideration can ease the Christmas burden:

Banish Boasting

This is a time of year when many people feel compelled to project images of perfection on social media. They bombard us with a diet of champagne and caviar, glittering parties, twinkling lights, groaning tables and perfect presents. We are invited to enter their fantasy world, revel in their success and admire their savoir-faire. For most of us, who are struggling with mundane errands, stretched budgets and family fractiousness, this alternative vision is both compellingly aspirational and utterly depressing. We know we can never measure up to the fantasies and feel all the worse for it.

Try and avoid this sort of posting around Christmas and, if you do stumble upon it, try and counter its ill effects by reminding yourself that people who feel the need to boast about their perfect lives are probably over-compensating for deep-seated feelings of social inadequacy, or should simply be pitied for their troubling lack of tact and sensitivity.

Learn to Say No

This is a time of year when saying no is a vital social skill. Feeling socially overstretched or overextended is often the root of Christmas anxiety, so it is important to control yourself and resist the temptation to be all things to all people.

If you’ve been invited to one event too many and really feel you can’t face it, write your host a polite note or text, saying something unambiguous, along the lines of “Thank you for inviting me to xxxxx. I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to come – I do hope you all have a great time.” There’s really no need to add an excuse or explanation (although of course you may choose to if you want to soften the negative), the important thing is to make your refusal non-ambiguous, with no prevarication or uncertainty.

Bear in mind that a tendency to agree to everything will either lead to social burn-out, or you will hit a wall where you start to let people down at the last moment, leave them in the lurch, or simply don’t show. It’s far better to be polite, decisive and clear-cut.

If you’re a host, learn to accept other people’s refusals. When someone turns down an invitation, don’t try and persuade them to change their mind, or refuse to take no for an answer. Inevitably, there will be people who turn down your invitations and you should never interpret this as a personal slight. Politely accept the refusal and move on.

Avoid Over-Compensation

At times like this, when expectations run ridiculously high, it is easy to feel that your own Christmas plans do not measure up, and it is very tempting to over-compensate by throwing money at the problem. This can lead to a destructive cycle of over-spending, money worries and debt, which is a very far cry from the Christmas spirit and may have negative consequences in the months to come.

Remember that kindness, conviviality and good spirits will go a very long way to paper over any shortcomings in the catering or presents on offer. Focus on these intangible values rather than on material goods and don’t be shy about setting limits on expenditure, or politely asking for contributions from guests to help ease the burden.

Don’t Suffer in Silence

Christmas is hard work: according to a YouGov poll, 51% of women (as opposed to 35% of men) found Christmas to be stressful. Many people feel overwhelmed by an avalanche of obligations: shopping, cooking, cleaning, hosting duties, keeping children happy. A very common response to this amount of pressure is passive-aggressive martyrdom – the sufferer takes on ever more work, steadfastly refuses offers of help and emanates a mood of aggrieved righteousness.

Don’t fall into this trap – it will poison the Christmas atmosphere and won’t do you many favours when your energy really begins to flag. Resolve to accept offers of help and, if they are not forthcoming, to ask explicitly for assistance. Don’t wait until you’re at the end of your tether, when requests for help become increasingly anguished and socially awkward.

If you’ve trod this path before and know that you’re likely to be cast in the role of chief cook and bottle-washer, it might be a good idea to have a polite discussion with other members of your family beforehand and allocate them certain responsibilities. No one person should have to take on the complete Christmas burden.

Don’t Overindulge

We all know Christmas is meant to be a time of indolence and indulgence. Many of us will enjoy several days off work and are looking forward to lounging around, eating, drinking and doing very little. But there are dangers: alcohol is a depressant and if you drink too much over the Christmas period you may find your mood turns sour and you’re perpetually hungover. Christmas food is delicious, but a succession of huge meals, interspersed with an array of sweet and savoury snacks, will soon make you feel bloated and uncomfortable. These disagreeable physical sensations may well be accompanied by feelings of guilt and self-reproach.

Try and offset the impact of over-indulgence by getting out, taking regular exercise and moderating your intake of food and alcohol. As a host, you can encourage your guests to join you on a country walk, or arrange to meet friends for a walk, rather than arranging another epic drinking and eating session. But you will have to accept that everyone has different tolerances for food, drinking and relaxing, and some of your friends and family may well be reluctant to respond to your suggestions – if that’s the case, don’t push it; you will be seen as an annoying nag or an over-energetic cheerleader, and will get little thanks for your pains.

You might also find that getting out on your own, away from the claustrophobic atmosphere of celebrations, will clear your head and renew your appetite for socialising. Carving out some time for yourself during this busy period is always a good idea.

Be Vigilant

Feelings of loneliness can be acutely painful at Christmas so, if you’re lucky enough to be joining friends and family, keep an eye out for people who might be on their own. You may find that your invitations and overtures are turned down, and you must respect that decision, but it’s still worth checking up on them and maintaining easy-going contact throughout the Christmas period – many people are reluctant to admit they’re feeling lonely and do not want to ‘impose’ on people they don’t know so well.

At this sociable time of year, it’s easy to find a pretext to drop in on neighbours or people who are on their own at Christmas – you can always pop around with a card and/or a bottle of wine, a plant, some home-made mince pies etc, and make sure that they’re surviving the season. Impromptu invitations may also be well received.

Plan Ahead

We all make a big fuss of Christmas and inevitably the aftermath can feel anti-climactic. It doesn’t help that at this time of year the days are short and dark, and the weather is challenging. Christmas over-spending and over-indulgence can also contribute to the January blues.

We’ve all experienced the post-Christmas crash, so it makes sense to make plans and find ways of counteracting it. Book a theatre or movie outing in early January, invite friends round for lunch early in the new year, or arrange to meet up for a country walk and a pub lunch. With some strategic dates in the new year’s diary, you’ll have something to look forward to as the Christmas season comes to a close.