You will be greeted with a handshake and a nod or a slight bow. Many Chinese people look at the ground when greeting strangers or their superiors. Handshakes, especially from women, are usually limp. Young people will nod but not bow. Do not expect smiles during introductions as feelings are often kept hidden in China. However, those Chinese who have travelled widely, or are aware of western habits, may smile in greeting.
There is no Chinese word for ‘hello’, so typical greetings might be ‘Where are you going?’ or ‘Have you eaten yet?’ Always respond with ‘yes’, even if your stomach is rumbling. There is no kissing, even among family and friends.
In Hong Kong, where East meets West, introductions may differ: Chinese people may well use their first name when meeting someone new, in which case it is fine for you to respond in kind. For more formal situations, use Mr or Ms.
Formality is important when addressing people. It is essential to prefix their family name with their professional title – like Manager or Director – so do your homework beforehand and listen carefully when being introduced. If you do not know their title, use Mr or Ms plus the family name. The family name appears at the beginning of a name; for instance, Ho Chuk-Man is Mr Ho. But note that married women tend to keep their maiden name. Thus the correct form of address is Madam plus maiden name. This, of course, requires careful research and if you cannot find out, it is acceptable to call a married woman Mrs plus her husband’s name. Never refer to someone as ‘Comrade’. Note that most Chinese women do not wear wedding rings, so don’t make assumptions about marital status.
Do not be surprised if you are asked intimate questions about your weight, your salary or – if you are a man – your age. Such questions are prompted by friendliness and an attempt to seek common ground. Despite this apparent intrusiveness, the Chinese do not respond well to familiarity: just because someone seems interested in your love life does not mean they want to be your friend.
The Chinese have a reciprocity system called guanxi, which roughly means networking. Guanxi involves repaying favours and taking care of one’s friends or acquaintances. Building guanxi can mean that while you may receive help when in need, some favours may be prompted by less than generous motives. So beware of a minority who might do you a favour simply in order to demand a huge one in return. If you feel uncomfortable about a situation, saying ‘no’ – although it may cause the person a temporary loss of face – is preferable to committing yourself to some future obligation.
Gift-giving in China is an art form. It is the gesture that counts, not the expense. Always give a gift in return for a gift or favour. Wrap the gift with great care, as the way it is presented is just as important as the gift itself. Use red or yellow paper, but avoid white, black and blue. Alcohol is not a suitable gift as many Chinese people have a very low tolerance to it. Pens and gourmet food are preferable.
Even numbers (except four) are considered auspicious, especially two, so giving a pair of something is ideal. If you visit someone in their home, take a gift of chocolates or flowers – but never yellow chrysanthemums as they are for putting on graves. Other items that are traditionally taboo as gifts are clocks, knives, letter openers and scissors. Younger people take these taboos much less seriously, but it is better to be on the safe side.
Give and receive gifts with both hands. When receiving one, decline three times before accepting as this shows a lack of greed. Once you have accepted it, a ‘thank you’ and a slight bow is appropriate. Never open it in the presence of the giver unless they insist. (In Hong Kong this rule is less clear, so ask ‘Should I open it now?’). If your gift is declined, insist gently until it is eventually accepted. (The ‘three times’ rule applies to many offers, such as invitations. Quiet persistence is required whenever offering anything to a Chinese person.) Never give a gift that the recipient will find impossible to reciprocate as this will cause them to lose face and place them in an awkward position.
A banquet (an elaborate multi-course dinner) may be given as a form of gift. If reciprocating a banquet with a banquet, never outdo the original gesture: spend the same amount of money and aim for the same quality. (Arrive a little early to banquets and, if you are the host, arrive half an hour early.)
Following the correct etiquette when expressing yourself preserves harmony and face. Thus do nothing that upsets, questions or criticises anyone. Even small courtesies, like allowing someone through a door before you, are important in a society where every activity has the potential to give, save or lose face.
‘Face’ is also involved in the Chinese dislike of saying ‘no’. In order to save face, they will invent an answer rather than admit their ignorance. Or, instead of turning you down outright, they will make excuses. Silence in response to a question, or sucking air through the teeth, may mean ‘no’: silence also gives face to the other person, whereas disagreement would cause loss of face for both parties. However, silence may simply indicate contemplation which, for the Chinese, is a common part of conversation. So do not try to fill silences with small talk. Being brutally honest is not the best way of communicating with people; instead, learn how to say ‘no’ without actually saying it. For example, ‘Maybe’ can mean ‘no’, and an excuse is preferable to an outright rejection.
Be careful of certain gestures: use an open hand to point, not the index finger; beckoning with one finger is either an invitation to fight or to summon a prostitute, so beckon by cupping the right palm, face downwards, and waggling your fingers; do not snap your fingers or whistle; do not show the soles of your shoes; never bite your nails or pick your teeth as anything involving fingers in the mouth is considered disgusting behavior. If you wish to refer to yourself, tap your nose. Pushing and shoving are normal behaviour in towns and cities, so there is no need to apologise if you bump into someone.
Body language should be kept as formal as possible as it can imply things you do not actually mean. Therefore do not touch anyone – this includes demonstrations of affection with your partner; avoid facial gestures, such as frowning when someone is talking; keep your hands to your side when talking as the Chinese do not gesticulate when speaking. Nor do they respect people’s personal space; if you back away, they will only move closer, so just accept it.
The Chinese do not take outward pleasure in being complimented, and the visitor should adopt the same approach. If you are paid a compliment, the gracious response is to play it down, rather than smiling and saying ‘thank you’.
Many acts that offend the western sense of propriety are perfectly acceptable in China. For example, you will be stared at, see people spitting, talking with their mouths full and blowing their noses onto the ground. Smoking is very common, so if you are offered a cigarette and refuse it, apologise profusely. Bargaining is also common, except in department stores and restaurants. Always ask permission to take photographs. While homosexuality is legal, no one talks about it.
Avoid conversations about sex, death, religion, the army, Chinese history or Taiwan. Asking a woman’s age is considered very rude. Also avoid expressing controversial political views, not because you will be arrested, but simply because no one else is allowed to do so and it will make them feel uncomfortable. Remember that Chinese people often have no siblings because of the former one-child policy; if they say ‘my brother’ or ‘my sister’ they often mean their ‘cousin’.
Refer to China as ‘China’ or ‘People’s Republic of China’ (never say ‘Mainland China’), and never refer to Taiwan as the ‘Republic of China’; instead call it ‘Taiwan’ or the Province of Taiwan’.
Casual western attire is fine, but should be conservative casual rather than anything too revealing. Women should not expose their cleavages, and shorts should be worn only when exercising. Avoid all-white outfits as these denote mourning. Jackets and ties (not necessarily suits) are the norm for business meetings, and women should wear dresses or trouser suits and avoid flashy jewellery or excessive make-up. Many top restaurants and clubs in Hong Kong have a dress code.
In China it is always acceptable to answer the phone, even if you’re in a business meeting or a restaurant. If you don’t answer, the caller will ring repeatedly until you do – voicemail is not widely used. Those that are higher up the pecking order answer their phones completely unapologetically and make no attempt to lower their voice; more lowly employees, or students in a classroom, might be inclined to hunch down and whisper, or cup their hand over the phone.
Although communism is relaxing its grip in China, the correct approach to giving gifts in a business context is not entirely clear. It is perhaps safest to offer gifts to the company as a whole rather than to individuals. Anything bearing the company logo is appropriate as there is less chance that it will be seen as a personal bribe. It is also preferable to return a gift with a gift, rather than a mere ‘thank you’ note. If you do write to thank, avoid using red ink.
English may not be spoken at business meetings, so investigate first and if necessary hire an interpreter. When speaking on business matters, speak slowly and introduce pauses in your presentation to allow the interpreter to keep up.
Always greet the oldest or most senior person first. Business cards should be translated into Mandarin. A gold-coloured typeface is preferable. Treat someone’s card with respect by handling it with both hands at all times; study it for a few seconds after receiving it and keep it in view rather than putting it straight into your pocket. A business card holder might be a useful investment.
Punctuality is very important: tardiness could endanger your business relationship. Dress for business should be conservative – no loud ties or shirts.
Business etiquette is very hierarchical. The most senior person will enter a business meeting first, and the Chinese will assume the guest delegation conforms to this protocol. Seating is also important, with the host sitting to the left of the most important guest. Observing seniority and rank is very important.
The Chinese approach to business is subtle and indirect; be prepared to discuss intelligently non-business topics. It is quite normal to start business meetings with prolonged conversation about topics like your health, family, the weather and so on.
In making introductions, note that the family name (surname) precedes the individual given (personal) name, and that married women do not use their husband’s name.
Direct, negative responses are considered impolite. When in doubt, say ‘maybe’ and clarify later. Devise, share and stay on an agenda. Surprises are considered quite rude.
In a business negotiation, if the Chinese side no longer wants to pursue the deal, they may not tell you directly. Instead, they will save face by becoming increasingly inflexible and implacable, thus forcing you to break off negotiations. In this way, they will avoid any blame for failure.
A contract is considered a draft, and is subject to change. A signed contract is not binding, and it does not mean that negotiations will end.
If invited to a restaurant, it is the person who invites you who does the ordering and the paying. ‘Going Dutch’ is very unusual, and can be seen as insulting to the host. To return hospitality, it is more appropriate to invite your host out for a meal.
Food in China is very different from the food served in Chinese restaurants in Britain. In China you will get more than you bargained for. If you order fish, you will get the whole fish, including eyes and scales. Soups can be full of surprises: as well as the meat, you are likely to encounter head, feet (pigs’ trotters, hens’ feet) and vital organs. But eat everything as it is very rude to leave it!
It is impolite to refuse an invitation to dine. If refusal is unavoidable, apologise profusely and suggest another time. The Chinese prefer to entertain in public places rather than at home. Allow your host to order for you. If you are honoured by an invitation to someone’s home, take a gift and remove your shoes before entering. However, do not take gifts of savoury food to a dinner party as this might imply that the host cannot provide enough food. A classic gift is fruit, which may be eaten as the dessert.
The guest of honour will be seated facing the door while the host will sit with his back to it. A custom since feudal times, this demonstrates trust on the part of the host: should the house be attacked, the guest will be the first to see it coming. The older men are served first, then older women, then men, then women. You should wait to be served and do not begin eating until the elders have begun.
It is customary to pour tea for others and vice versa. Knock lightly on the table to say ‘thank you’. If you do not want any more, leave your cup half full.
Chinese banquets are extravagant affairs involving numerous courses and plentiful toasts. It is perfectly acceptable to toast with a soft drink, whether tea or otherwise, but never toast with beer. All the ‘courses’ are produced at the same time and can be eaten in any order.
Lingering over coffee after dinner is unusual in China, so prepare to take your leave immediately after finishing the meal. However, if you are invited to accompany your host to after-dinner entertainment, it is advisable to accept, as such experiences are vital to building relationships.
Any attempt to use chopsticks will show that you respect Chinese culture. However, chopstick etiquette is complex: never leave them sticking up out of the rice in a V-shape as this resembles joss sticks at funerals and is absolutely taboo (your children should be told this if they are present). Return them to the chopstick rest after every few bites, or when talking or drinking; do not point with them, cross them on the chopstick rest, lay them on top of the bowl or stab at food with them. When dealing with large pieces of food, it is acceptable to lift up the whole piece to your mouth with your chopsticks and nibble bits off it.
Hold the bowl close to your mouth – in fact, leaving it on the table throughout the meal is considered improper. Making slurping noises when eating is acceptable, as is reaching across others to help yourself without asking. But be careful to take the piece of food closest to you. It is polite to try everything, but if you are desperate to avoid one particularly unappetizing dish, do it tactfully.
Meat often contains bones so dexterity with the chopsticks is vital. You will see Chinese spitting them out, even dropping them on the floor in more relaxed establishments. There is no reason to go completely native, so delicately remove bones and shells from your mouth and place them on the table or in an empty bowl, never on your own plate. Rice is often brought out after the ‘main’ course during dinner, but it may be considered rude to eat any as this implies that the main course was insufficient. The same applies to taking the last morsel of food from a serving plate. Nor should you clear your plate as this implies a lack of generosity on the part of your host. However, it is equally impolite to leave a full dish.
The rules for tipping in China are increasingly unclear. Younger people may expect it (10–15% in restaurants and small tips for chambermaids/porters), but traditionally it is regarded as insulting so the older generation may not appreciate it. In Hong Kong tip ten per cent. Even if the bill already includes a service charge, Hong Kong waiters will often expect an additional tip. The money goes straight into the till, not direct to staff.
