A receiving line allows for the hosts and key members of the wedding party to greet or be introduced to the guests. It does not have to be held at the entrance of the reception; it is best to choose a practical place that will allow for a good flow of people.
Traditionally, the bride and bridegroom and both sets of parents (and sometimes the best man and chief bridesmaid), make up the receiving line. To ensure it does not take too long, it is sensible for those who are receiving the guests to stand opposite each other, rather than side-by-side. This keeps the line moving and makes it easier to make group introductions, rather than meeting or greeting each guest one by one. The ushers should point guests towards the receiving line on arrival at the reception. Guests should be given a drink while they are waiting and provided with a top-up if the line is slow.
Receiving lines are recommended for large weddings or short drinks receptions, but they are not compulsory and can be time-consuming.
Although traditionally the bride’s parents are the hosts, the bride and bridegroom must ensure that they mix with all of the guests. They should not allow themselves to be monopolised by close friends and family. It is practical for the couple to visit each of the tables between courses; they should also accept all offers to dance, if applicable.
Weddings are a time for celebration and the reception will usually take on a party atmosphere. In general, a wedding day lasts for a long time with food served at unconventional times. Care should be taken to pace oneself and last the course. Guests should not monopolise the bride and bridegroom, or upstage them. It is good form to be polite to older guests, and to socialise with everyone and not just mix with existing friends.
The speeches are both a formality, dictated by convention, and a highlight of the wedding day. Traditionally, they begin with the father of the bride; a close friend or godfather, or whoever gave her away, may also give the speech. He is followed by the bridegroom and finally the best man. However, different family and personal circumstances may require other permutations, and it is perfectly acceptable to deviate from this traditional running order.
A toastmaster, or master of ceremonies, may be used to announce the key moments of the reception to the guests, such as the speeches. It is an important role that requires excellent organisation, as well as a loud voice. There are many professional toastmasters that can be hired; choose someone who is a member of an official association. Alternatively, a loud-voiced and confident usher or friend may be asked to be master of ceremonies.
The speeches typically take place towards the end of a drinks reception or, at a sit-down reception, after pudding; sometimes it is preferred that they happen earlier, especially if the speakers are nervous, but guests’ needs must be considered and people should not be required to stand for a long time nor should the meal be delayed excessively if guests are hungry and drinking.
Practicalities must also be taken into account: the ushers should discreetly inform the guests that the speeches will be taking place, particularly if people are outside or in the loos; everybody must be able to hear what is being said (a microphone may be required); a glass of champagne for the toasts should be distributed before the speeches start.
The speechmakers should spend time preparing and practising their speeches. It is perfectly acceptable to refer to brief notes, so long as the entire speech is not read directly off the page.
Speeches should be appropriate both in content and in length. Indiscreet stories may be embarrassing, and inappropriate and rambling reminiscences – over-extended with in-jokes and witticisms – will challenge the audience’s attention span. Speechmakers should be aware of their upcoming responsibilities and ensure that they don’t drink too much beforehand.
The father of the bride and the bridegroom will usually thank those who have helped with the wedding. It should be agreed in advance who is being thanked by whom; it is important not to forget anybody, or mispronounce any names.
Traditionally the father of the bride (or person chosen to give this speech) begins by thanking the guests for coming and those involved with organising the wedding. He may then indulge in some affectionate anecdotes about the bride and her achievements, before welcoming the bridegroom into the family. The father of the bride’s speech finishes with a toast to ‘the bride and bridegroom’.
The bridegroom’s speech should consist of some heartfelt words about his new wife, family and the wedding day. First he thanks the father of the bride (or equivalent) on behalf of himself and his new wife – the reference to his ‘wife’ usually raises a cheer from the audience. He then thanks the guests for coming, the bride’s parents (if they are hosting the wedding), his parents for raising him and the best man for supporting him. He then says a few words about his new wife. Traditionally, the bridegroom’s speech finishes with a toast to ‘the bridesmaids’; in practice, many bridegrooms break with this tradition and also toast their bride.
Some bridegrooms choose to present the mothers (if applicable) with bouquets and give the bridesmaids a present during their speech. While this is not incorrect, it is not traditional nor expected and a quieter, less public time may be chosen to give thank-you presents.
The best man’s speech is expected to be the highlight of the proceedings; a witty, entertaining account of the bridegroom and a sincere reflection on their friendship. He (or, in some cases, she) should begin by responding on behalf of the bridesmaids and thanking the groom, if they were toasted. He may then quickly read out messages – originally telegrams and letters, nowadays usually emails, letters or messages – from friends and relations who couldn’t attend. He then tells a selection of anecdotes about the bridegroom, and includes some stories about the couple, how they met, their relationship and a few compliments for the bride.
The aim is to be witty and amusing; stories and jokes should be funny and light-hearted, never rude, uncomfortable or smutty. He finishes with a toast to ‘Mr and Mrs [newly-weds’ surname]’. He will then announce the cutting of the cake, if applicable.
Some brides like to make a speech themselves; this would normally happen after the bridegroom’s speech. It is not uncommon for the chief bridesmaid also to say something. In unusual or unconventional circumstances, alternative key individuals can make a wedding speech, such as the mother of the bride or the father of the bridegroom, however the number of speechmakers should be limited to make sure that the speeches don’t go on for too long.
Impromptu speeches can be unnerving for the speakers and disruptive. All speechmakers should confer beforehand about the order of speaking.
Traditionally, the cake is cut after the meal and the speeches, and is announced by the master of ceremonies or toastmaster. If the cake is being served as pudding, then it should obviously be cut after the main course. When cutting the cake, the bridegroom should place his right hand over the bride’s right hand. They make the cut together, and the bride takes the first bite, then hands the piece to the bridegroom.
It was customary to send a slice of fruitcake to those unable to attend the wedding, but this habit has died out. Leftover slices of cake may be individually boxed and given to guests as they leave.
Music should enhance rather than intrude on the ambience of the reception. It is not essential at a drinks reception and may be intrusive while guests are eating. If there is background music, it should be at a suitable volume. If there is dancing in the evening, the choice of music should appeal to guests of all ages, at least at the beginning.
It is by no means compulsory to have a first dance. For some couples, it is a daunting prospect, whereas others opt for a fully choreographed spectacle. The bride and bridegroom should consider the pace and the length of the song, and check that the sentiment is appropriate. As the song ends and the next one starts, the wedding party joins the couple on the dance floor. Alternatively, some couples will start by dancing on their own, and then beckon others to join them as the song progresses.
Traditionally, the bridegroom should dance with each of the mothers, the bride with both fathers, the mother of the bride with the father of the bridegroom, the father of the bride with the mother of the bridegroom and the best man with the chief bridesmaid. It is customary and good manners for the male guests to ask each of the ladies from their table to dance.
Traditional manners indicated that guests stayed until after the bride and bridegroom had left, but as modern weddings often end later, it is acceptable for guests to leave before the newlyweds. The couple do not want to be the last ones standing but they should not miss out on the party; an early departure may also upset those who have gone to great trouble to attend.
The couple should agree on a departure time in advance and strictly adhere to it. Timings may have been communicated to guests and a late departure may be inconvenient, for example taxis may have been booked or babysitters organised.
Traditionally, the best man and ushers decorate the going away vehicle, but this can be impractical if it is a taxi or not personally owned. If the bride and bridegroom are staying in the reception venue then there may be less of a formal ‘going away’ moment.
It should be announced that the couple are about to leave, allowing time for guests to assemble. The chief bridesmaid or mother of the bride will usually attend to the bride. The decision on whether to change out of the wedding dress is totally personal.
Traditionally, the bride tosses her bouquet backwards over her head into the crowd; the single woman who catches it is believed to have received some of the bride’s good fortune and will be the next to marry.
