Are you anxious about shaking hands? Do you approach the people you meet with a slight feeling of trepidation and hesitation, wondering whether your outstretched hand will be rejected in favour of an awkward hug, a handshake/hug hybrid, or kisses on the cheek?
Increasing informality, exposure to different cultures and traditions and post-Covid hygiene anxieties have all contributed to a growing greetings muddle in the United Kingdom. There is no doubt that, in most formal or business situations, the handshake still prevails as the greeting of choice, especially for men, but there are lots of contexts where the situation is much less clear.
Handshaking is a natural human behaviour with a long pedigree. Studies of chimpanzees and bonobos show them shaking hands in the aftermath of a conflict (rather like two exhausted tennis players, shaking hands over the net at Wimbledon), in a slightly sheepish attempt to smoothe over hostilities and restore harmony. Uncontacted tribes who were discovered, and studied, by anthropologists in the Amazon and Southeast Asia, were completely unfazed by proffered handshakes, and reciprocated. In recorded history, they are first depicted in Mesopotamia, as a way of sealing alliances and agreements. In Ancient Greece and Rome, they were seen as gestures of respect and equality. They evolved in the Middle Ages as a way of establishing that neither party was armed.
In 18th-century Britain, greetings were a courtly dance of bows, bobs, nods, curtsies and hat-doffing. This deferential behaviour was gradually replaced in the 19th century by the much more egalitarian handshake, where the clasped hands signified that the two individuals were meeting on open and equal terms. Handshakes between men and women, however, continued to be a sign of intimacy, to be reserved for close relationships, rather than strangers.
At around this time the handshake took on a new role, as a physical symbol of a pledge or trustworthy agreement. Thus, in commercial relationships, a handshake was used to seal a deal, or to signify a ‘gentleman’s agreement’. It was tantamount to a pledge of commitment, and reneging on a deal that had been sealed by a handshake was seen as particularly heinous.
The handshake gradually became the most common greeting in the world, and has become widely accepted in most countries, although it is still not a universal way of greeting. In some countries, for instance, in India, the usual way of greeting is through joining palms in “Namaste”. Similarly, in Arab countries, it is common to place the right hand on the heart as a greeting gesture. Finely calibrated bowing is still the norm in Japan, and handshakes between men and women are frowned upon in Muslim countries.
Despite its nearly universal recognition, the traditional firm handshake is being increasingly undermined and eroded. The fear of physical contact during the Covid epidemic meant handshakes were perceived as potentially toxic, leading people to experiment with other, short-lived, forms of greeting such as the elbow or fist bump. Once the fear had passed, the handshake was left looking somewhat unrecognisable.
In some circles, especially where creativity and informality prevails, the stiff formality of the gesture has been mitigated by combining it with a pull-in and one-armed half-embrace, the so-called ‘bro hug’. This probably originated in America, has been adopted in the UK, but has been somewhat mangled in the process – all too often it turns into a strange gesture, which combines a hug, a handshake and a kiss on the check. Many men now approach a handshake with some trepidation, wondering if they’re going to be hauled into a half-embrace (sometimes accompanied by amiable back-slapping or arm-grabbing) and not at all sure of the protocol. Women have an easier decision as they can always default to a light hug and a single or double kiss.
Hugs and kisses on the cheek are becoming much more universal amongst younger generations, who extend this form of greeting to older people, sometimes ill advisedly. It’s all a matter of sensitivity and observation, but some older people will recoil from a greeting that they find over intimate and awkward and would much prefer a handshake. In these transitional times, it really is difficult to know which greeting to choose, and judgement will need to be exercised. Whatever option you choose, step into the greeting with a smile on your face and act decisively – dithering indecisively will make for some awkward encounters. Advancing with your right hand extended is a gesture that will be universally interpreted as an invitation to shake hands.
•The Presidential
Everyone will recognise the politicians’ special handshake – the hand of your opposite number is grasped and held in your right hand and you extend your left hand and place it over the clasped hands in a ‘warm’, protective embrace. Much used by world leaders, senior politicians and anyone whose job is to look sincere and reassuring, it can also be regarded with distrust, as a sign of sleaziness and insincerity.
•The Long-Life Handshake
This is the handshake that goes on for an unconscionable length of time, which probably makes the person whose hand is being shaken feel trapped and uncomfortable. Again, it is much used by politicians, probably because they are intent on prolonging photo opportunities and maximising coverage of their genial gesture.
•The Wet Fish
In the West we respect a firm handshake, fearing that a limp handshake looks tentative or unengaged; in Asia a limp handshake is considered much more desirable. But above all, we aim for a dry handshake; sweaty palms or hands that have been inadequately dried after a visit to the bathroom are unpleasant to grasp and carry disturbing messages of nervousness or tension.
•The Bonecrusher
The desire to boast a firm handshake can lead to a machismo-demonstrating iron grip that can leave the victim in actual pain and discomfort. This is particularly true of women wearing rings or anyone suffering from arthritis.
•The Traditional
This is the optimal handshake, which combines a dry palm, a firm grip, a short pumping action and eye contact. It conveys confidence, reliability and trustworthiness.
•Make eye contact and maintain it throughout.
•Extend your right hand, even if you are left-handed.
•Grip the palm, not the fingers.
•Pump up and down a couple of times, no more, then release the hand.
