Much of Victorian social life was conducted through the medium of morning visits. This stately ritual of calling upon acquaintances, leaving visiting cards or briefly joining them for a few minutes of formal conversation, was thought to oil the wheels of social intercourse. It ensured that the social circle was clearly delineated, reinforcing feelings of belonging and status. While the custom has disappeared from the modern world, it reveals a great deal about the rigid hierarchies and expectations of Victorian society and how much social life has changed.
We have been examining Victorian etiquette manuals for insights on this social practice:
“When anyone enters, whether announced or not, rise immediately, advance toward him, and request him to sit down. If it is a young man, offer him an armchair, or a stuffed one; if an elderly man, insist upon his accepting the armchair; if a lady, beg her to be seated upon the sofa. If the master of the house receives the visitors, he will take a chair and place himself at a little distance from them; if, on the contrary, it is the mistress of the house, and if she is intimate with the lady who visits her, she will place herself near her. If several ladies come at once, we give the most honourable place to the one who, from age or other considerations, is most entitled to respect. In winter, the most honourable places are those at the corners of the fireplace.”
Servants would, of course, meet the visitors at the front door and usher them into the drawing room. Clearly, the arrival of visitors set in motion an intricate social dance. Everyone stood to greet visitors and the spatial dynamics between the host and visitors, as well as the relentless insistence on ‘honourable’ places, close to the fireplace, being assigned according to rank and status, is intriguing.
Even the furniture played an important role in the notion of hierarchy. Chairs with arms were seen as high status and the gentleman of the house’s chair was imposing, with a high back and padded armrests, while his wife’s chair was smaller, lower, and possibly without arms, as befitted perceptions of her position. The sofa was reserved for important non-family visitors.
Contrast our own attitude to visitors. We do not of course sit in our sitting room, waiting for visitors to be announced. Instead, we go to the front door and usher them in, taking their coats first, then showing them to the sitting or dining room. When it comes to seating, we might head a visitor away from a particularly hard or uncomfortable chair, but we would scarcely be making minute judgments about whether the chair has arms or is “stuffed” (well-upholstered). As with the Victorians, good manners dictate that we pay special attention to elderly visitors, ensuring that they have a comfortable chair and are not sitting in a draught, perhaps placing them near a fire or radiator in winter.
“Visits are of various kinds, each of which has its own forms and observances. There are visits of ceremony, visits of congratulation, visits of condolence, visits of friendship.
Visits of ceremony, though they take up a large share of the time of a fashionable lady, are very stupid affairs as a general thing, and have little to recommend them except Fashion. The best thing about them is that they may and should be short.”
Victorian ladies, and family men, conducted most of their social life in the domestic sphere – in their own or other people’s houses. As the above passage indicates, visits covered a range of social situations, from a formal ritual (for example acknowledging a new arrival in the neighbourhood), through visits of good form (which marked special occasions for celebration or commiseration), to simple visits of friendship. The latter were not subject to formal etiquette, but to the “universal principles of good manners” but all other types of visit were dictated by elaborate rituals.
Today, we socialise and communicate in a myriad of different ways. We speak on the phone, we text or email, we post on social media, and much of the time we rely on the immediacy of these methods to maintain our relationships, rather than in-person contact. We go out to socialise, in pubs, restaurants, clubs and bars in ways many of our Victorian ancestors could not. Many of our social transactions are casual, impulsive and improvisational, lacking the confined framework of custom and ritual that dictated how Victorians socialised.
“A [morning] call is not less than ten nor more than twenty minutes in the city; in the country, a little longer… A morning visit should be paid between the hours of two and four p.m., in winter, and two and five in summer. ... Morning, in fashionable parlance, means any time before dinner… In a morning call or visit of ceremony, the gentleman takes his hat and cane, if he carries one, into the room. The lady does not take off her bonnet and shawl. In attending ladies who are making morning calls, a gentleman assists them up the steps, rings the bell, follows them into the room, and waits till they have finished their salutations, unless he has a part to perform in presenting them. Ladies should always be the first to rise in terminating a visit, and when they have made their adieux, their cavaliers repeat the ceremony, and follow them out.”
Although morning calls were short, there were certain rituals associated with them. Gentleman, who had obligations outside the home, were more likely to make visits with their family on Sunday afternoons. If they were accompanying ladies, the were expected to subtly oversee the proceedings, even though the actual leave-taking was initiated by the ladies. Servants would relieve visitors of rain-soaked clothing, umbrellas and parcels (items that had been purchased from the milliner, haberdasher or draper), and ensure that the sanctity of the drawing room was preserved. However, ladies retained their bonnets and shawls, presumably an indication that the visit was only to be for a short interlude.
“Never take favourite dogs into a drawing-room when you make a morning call. Their feet may be dusty, or they may bark at the sight of strangers, or, being of too friendly a disposition, may take the liberty of lying on a lady's gown, or jumping on the sofas and easy chairs... Besides, many persons have a constitutional antipathy to dogs, and others never allow their own to be seen in the sitting- rooms...
Neither is it well for a mother to take young children with her when she pays morning visits; their presence, unless they are unusually well trained, can only be productive of anxiety to both yourself and your hostess. She, while striving to amuse them, or to appear interested in them, is secretly anxious for the fate of her album, or the ornaments on her étagère, while the mother is trembling lest her children should say or do something objectionable.”
These admonitions will be familiar to the 21st-century visitor. Dogs can be very divisive, and you should never assume that they will be welcome in your host’s home – always ask first and be willing to shut them in another room or leave them in the car.
Our Victorian ancestors are famous for their “children should be seen and not heard” reprimands, and it would be a brave mother who dared to take young children into a stranger’s house. Victorian drawing rooms were certainly not childproofed, and were laden with child hazards, such as delicate ornament, porcelain, glass vases and knick-knacks. Parents today will relate to the anxiety of the visiting mother and, while we are much more accepting of the presence of children than the Victorians, we all know the potential damage they can do. If you are bringing your children on a visit, ensure that they come well-equipped with their own toys and will be capable of entertaining themselves.
“If you call on a person who is ‘engaged’ or ‘not at home’, leave your card. If there are several persons you desire to see, leave a card for each, or desire a servant to present your compliments to them severally. All visits should be returned, personally or by card, just as one should speak when spoken to, or answer a respectful letter.
When you are going abroad intending to be absent for some time, you enclose your card in an envelope, having, first, written T. T. L. [to take leave], or P. P. C. [pour prendre conge] upon it …and direct it outside to the per son for whom it is intended. In taking leave of a family, you send as many cards as you would if you were paying an ordinary visit.
Should there be daughters or sisters residing with the lady upon whom you call, you may turn down a corner of your card, to signify that the visit is paid to all. It is in better taste, however, to leave cards for each.
Visiting cards should be engraved or handsomely written. A gentleman s card should be of medium size, unglazed, ungilt, and perfectly plain. A lady’s card may be larger and finer and should be carried in a card-case.”
Visiting cards were de rigueur. They were tangible evidence that a visit had been paid, and a notification of social obligation (the compliment would need to be returned). They were generally left on a large tray, which was placed prominently on a hall table. Distinguished visitors’ cards inevitably found their way to the top of the pile, as they advertised the householder’s social credentials. The ceremonial leaving of visiting cards was evidence that the conventional social gesture had been made, a demonstration of probity and correct form. They also served the practical function of apprising acquaintances of one’s presence in town or the country or notifying them of an impending absence.
Today, while we may be used to ‘pop-ins’ from neighbours or close friends, the visiting ritual has been completely transformed. In general, visitors to our homes are making what the Victorians would define as “visits of friendship”. We ask people to our homes – for coffee, drinks, dinner, overnight stays etc. and these invitations are usually extended with a genuine desire to socialise and involve planning and preparation. The other functions of the Victorian visit – duty, congratulations and condolence – have been taken out of our domestic sphere and are dealt with through alternative means of communication.
Quotations are taken from:
How to Behave: A Pocket Manual of Etiquette and Guide to Correct Personal Habits, by Samuel Wells, 1865
Routledge’s Manual of Etiquette by George Routledge, 1860
The long weekend of 6–8 May 2023 is the occasion on which the nation celebrates the coronation of His Majesty King Charles III. This very special occasion will be a unique event for most of us, who have not seen a coronation in our lifetime – Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation was 70 years ago – and much of the country will be marking it in some way. There is a plethora of possibilities, from traditional street parties, and the ‘Big Lunch’, to private garden parties and barbecues.
In 1953 many families invested in televisions for the first time to witness a great moment in Britain’s history, and neighbours gathered together in each other’s houses to share access to televisions and feel part of the momentous occasion.
In 2023 there will be hours of spectacular television coverage in full colour, deploying the commentary and expertise of a range of experts and utilising multiple locations to create a panoramic and comprehensive view of the day’s events.
If you are involved in a street party, big lunch or garden event on the day of the actual coronation (6 May) you may well want to give guests access to a big outdoor tv screen, or to hire a mobile big screen and projector to ensure that everybody can witness this historic occasion.
Dating back to post-World War I ‘peace parties’, which were held in 1919, street parties have always held a special place in British hearts. They have marked national milestones, such as VE and VJ day, the Coronation, Royal weddings and Royal anniversaries.
Their defining characteristic is that they involve shutting off an entire street. This means planning ahead and obtaining permission from the local council, which may need to re-route traffic. Traffic cones and ‘Road Closed’ signs will be needed, which can be borrowed from local schools or the council. Or you can just block off the road with wheelie bins…
Once the road is closed, the event can take many forms. Traditionally, partygoers eat at long trestle tables, but a stand-up buffet may be a more practical alternative. Music and party games will break the ice and add to the conviviality. Alcohol can be served without a special licence (as long as it isn’t on sale) and remember it is imperative to have plenty of water and soft drinks available throughout the day.
This initiative from Cornwall’s Eden Project started in 2009 as an annual opportunity for neighbours to meet up, eat together and celebrate community. It will be a major national event 6-8 May (20 million people took part in The Queen’s Platinum Jubilee in June 2022). In many ways it shares the characteristics of the street party, but the venue is more flexible – it could, for example, be held on the local playing field, village green, or recreation ground. As the name implies, it involves a sit-down lunch; this is normally organised on a cooperative basis, with people contributing their own dishes (it’s a good idea to allocate sweet or savoury beforehand). In some instances, guests will simply be asked to bring their own lunch to the event – the main point is to enjoy getting to know your neighbours, not the food.
Many people will choose to celebrate the Coronation on a more intimate scale. Try channelling the Royal Family and planning your very own Garden Party (Buckingham Palace style). Ask guests to wear smart casual clothes and serve a refined British afternoon tea with cucumber sandwiches, scones and cakes.
Alternatively, you could simply hold a Coronation-themed barbecue or lunch for friends and family. Think about serving some special food; you could try the recipe for spinach, cheese and tarragon ‘Coronation quiche’, which has been shared by King Charles and Queen Camilla. Alternatively, you could revert to the spicy Royal favourite, Coronation chicken, which was invented in 1953, or baking some red, white and blue cupcakes – there are myriad suggestions for Coronation dishes online.
One prerequisite of a Coronation party is flags, streamers and bunting. You can opt for classic Union Jack British bunting, or you could elect to use a more subtle decoration, which blends a palette of red, white and blue. Larger Union Jacks can be used for dramatic impact, streamers and banners will add a festive feel and you can dole out hand-held Union Jacks for those who want to indulge in enthusiastic flag-waving. You can be sure that large decorative crowns (both as table centrepieces and on heads) will be a universal symbol.
Reinforce the Coronation theme with table decorations. This doesn’t need to be particularly expensive; since you will probably be looking for disposable table decorations in any case, take the trouble to buy some special Coronation-themed paper tablecloths and napkins, plates and cups, which will inevitably blend a red, white and blue colour scheme with union jacks, crowns and other patriotic paraphernalia.
Ensure that all the disposable materials you buy are fully recyclable (look out for FSC-certified), and – particularly if you are organising a larger party – invest in plenty of large rubbish bags and recruit some volunteers to make a thorough sweep of the street and eradicate all signs of rubbish at the end of the day – you do not want to wake up the next morning and find your shrubs and lawn strewn with Coronation detritus.
Children will enjoy waving flags and gorging on Royal themed puddings, but it’s also a good idea to introduce some Coronation-themed party games at big events or they’ll get bored. So, roll out some perennial favourites (such as sack races, egg and spoon races or tugs of war). Or, alternatively you can offer a couple of Coronation games such as pin the crown on the King or a competition to design the best crown. Fancy dress will always be a popular option – you could ask guests to dress up as their favourite British monarch.
This is Britain and we need to be prepared for all weather contingencies.
How about investing in (or borrowing) some inexpensive pop-up gazebos? Their sidewalls can be lowered or raised and even if the weather is clement they will be useful on the day as food or drink stands, where refreshments can be kept cool, or convenient
oases of shade and relaxation (especially for older residents). Remember to festoon the gazebos with festive bunting!
If you’re hosting your own garden party, a gazebo is also useful. Alternatively, plan ahead to take the event inside if the weather turns wet. This means clearing space and tidying up before the party begins.
As with all entertaining, Coronation events need lots of organising and will be greatly enhanced by showing consideration for everyone involved.
• Plan well ahead – big events will need an organising committee. List all the tasks involved and assign them to individuals who will take responsibility for them.
• Communicate with everyone involved. If you are planning a communal event, announce it well ahead. You can post about it on social media or local WhatsApp groups, and you can reinforce your message by putting up posters around the neighbourhood.
• Issue invitations to communal events – they don’t need to be expensive (a photocopied single sheet will do), but if invitations are posted through everyone’s door you know that everybody has been included, especially older residents who do not use social media. The invitations should be very clear about what is involved: start and end time, activities that will take place, timing of the meal, and any contributions needed.
• If you’re planning your own private party, give people plenty of notice, as there will be a lot of social events going on.
• If you are invited to a private Coronation party, make sure you RSVP as soon as possible. You may receive subsequent offers at this busy time of year, but once you have committed to an event you are obligated to attend – it’s very rude to cancel and take a better offer.
• If you are holding an event in your garden, warn the neighbours or, better still, invite them. If we’re lucky and the weather is warm, be conscious that voices and music carry at night, so be considerate about ending your party at a reasonable time. But remember that early May can still be quite chilly, so make sure you have contingency plans and can invite your friends inside once the temperature starts to drop.
• Clear up after your party. For big events you will need to enlist helpers well ahead of the date. But even if you’re hosting a private garden party, do make sure that you pick up all disposable tableware at the end of the day – if you leave plates, cups and napkins lying around, they might find their way into neighbours’ gardens.
While we may not have experienced intimidating behaviour ourselves, most of us will have observed it in our playgrounds and classrooms, where bullies repeatedly target, humiliate and harm victims who are smaller, younger and weaker. This is an all too familiar playground problem, often starting as physical aggression and then becoming refined into a more exquisite form of torture, involving spreading rumours, disrupting friendships and social exclusion. It is probable that this oppressive behaviour stems from deep-seated anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, which are not acknowledged but instead are masked by an aggressive, and sometimes ingeniously cruel, display of power. Children should always be encouraged to report bullying, whether they are experiencing it personally or witnessing it taking place, to teachers and parents. If it is not nipped in the bud, this pattern of behaviour can persist into adulthood.
Bullying can be a very real problem in the workplace. Workplace bullying can cover a range of behaviour: verbal abuse, intrusive questions, offensive or sexual remarks, jokes or innuendo-laden remarks made at an individual’s expense. Some bullying is a group phenomenon: a group of individuals bond together to isolate or freeze out a colleague. It can happen between colleagues or, most troubling of all, a boss can bully a junior.
It is a truly toxic situation when a person who holds a position of power and authority abuses their status to bully and demean the people who answer to them, causing maximum shame and humiliation. Frequently the bully asserts his/her dominance by indulging in disinhibited behaviour that we are taught from childhood to suppress – loss of temper, rage, anger, foul language. The assumption is that, because of the bully’s power and status “underlings” are put in a position where they must go along with this behaviour and accept it because they are powerless to do anything else.
Bullying bosses, when challenged, frequently fall back on the defence that they are merely demanding perfectionists, who are calling out the shortcomings in their team members, spurring on their juniors to harder work and better performance. They pride themselves on being ‘tough bosses’, who make huge demands and expect their team to rise to them, and wilfully ignore the stress and anxiety that they generate.
However, inspiring fear and dread is not a good way of motivating people or building a strong team. People work much more effectively if a sense of collaboration and cooperation is nurtured. Courtesy, accessibility and empathy are all qualities that will inspire loyalty and trust in team members, who are much more likely to go the extra mile for a boss they like and respect. Giving credit where credit is due builds confidence, while assaulting an individual’s self-esteem, and sometimes making a public spectacle of it, will inevitably lead to severe stress and debilitation.
Unfortunate employees who are forced to deal with a bullying boss live in dread of becoming the next target and may make superhuman efforts to do the boss’s bidding as a way of protecting themselves, but in the long term this is unsustainable. Eventually team members will be ground down by their boss’s antics and crushed by the constant pressure – they may well leave, taking their expertise with them, or become whistle-blowers, who call out their boss, leading to his/her eventual downfall.
This entire process can take a long time to play out – it is a rare employee who will immediately seek redress for a bullying incident, and many people go through an agonising cycle of humiliation, self-doubt, despair and intimidation, before they grasp the nettle and confide in their colleagues or take their complaint to senior management, their union or human resources.
It is generally considered that behaviour is bullying if it is humiliating, offensive, intimidating, hostile or degrading and this damaging conduct needs to be called out and remedied wherever it is manifested. Bosses who are accused of bullying behaviour will inevitably defend themselves by asserting that their robust behaviour gets good results; they will probably deride their victim for being thin-skinned and over-sensitive, the “can’t you take a bit of banter?” defence. But their behaviour, especially if it is in public, will have been witnessed by many other people, who will be able to corroborate what has happened.
Once a situation has deteriorated to the point where evidence has been gathered, corroboration has been sought and formal complaints have been made, employers must act. They must acknowledge that they are held responsible for the wellbeing of their employees, and they should never condone overtly aggressive or humiliating behaviour in the belief that ‘robust’ business relationships get results.
If a bully is called out and confronted with the distress they have caused, the time has come to confront the consequence of their actions. Abuse should be acknowledged, and the perpetrator must take full responsibility.
Debrett’s first published Correct Form in 1976; it has been in print ever since and repeatedly revised and updated. It forms a major part of our Handbook, and we are pleased to announce that we are bringing out a new, revised ‘Coronation’ edition in April 2023.
An earlier edition of Correct Form promises ‘An Inclusive Guide to Everything from Drafting Wedding Invitations to Addressing an Archbishop’. That seemingly straightforward strapline speaks volumes. Society has changed so much over the last fifty years and the old certainties and assumptions have been steadily eroded. Our latest edition discusses the correct form for situations that would have been quite unthinkable in 1976: the possibility that an Archbishop of Canterbury might be a woman; and the fact that our advice on wedding invitations has now been expanded to include same-sex marriages, civil partnerships and a whole host of other non-conventional family set-ups.
Earlier editions of Correct Form reflect a world of social certainty. Society was hierarchical and this was reflected in strict notions of the ‘correct’ way of acknowledging every person’s status, from addressing a letter and making an introduction, to drawing up a seating plan or delivering a speech. It was essential to adhere to these social niceties and finely graduated distinctions and any deviation from these meticulously chronicled practices was considered disrespectful and discourteous.
Even so, there was an acknowledgment that certain modes of address and formal phrases were becoming obsolete in the rapidly changing world of 1970s Britain. For example, early editors of Correct Form note that ending a letter to a duke with the phrase “I have the honour to be, My Lord Duke, Your Grace’s obedient servant” was a formal style that was becoming increasingly less common, although they point out that earlier generations had deployed a much more elaborate dance of obeisance, littering their letters with phrases such as “most devoted and most obedient”, “most humble and devoted” and so on. Even the recommended formal sign-off when writing to an untitled man of “I have the honour to be, Sir, Your obedient servant” sound impossibly unctuous to 21st-century ears.
Early editions of Correct Form emanate from a world where women were still defined by their marital status. They state categorically that “It is incorrect for a widow to be addressed by her own forename or initials, as this implies that her marriage was dissolved” adding darkly that “This mistake is frequently made”. Only divorced ladies were recommended to use their forenames, which clearly marked them out. ‘Ms’ was only just being introduced as an alternative, and it was firmly insisted that unmarried ladies should be addressed as “Miss”.
Yet society was about to undergo a seismic change. Women, already well established in the legal, academic and medical professions, were making a growing impact in local and national politics (Margaret Thatcher became prime minister in 1979, just three years after the first edition of Correct Form), as well as the police, diplomatic service and, eventually the Church and Armed Forces. The tendency, however, was always to default to male forms of address when giving examples of the correct forms of address, reflecting contemporary attitudes.
Our new edition places correct form firmly in the 21st century. While we appreciate that there are long-established formalities and conventions, which may be usefully deployed in certain traditional situations, we also understand that these forms of address have very little to do with most people’s lives and sound impossibly archaic in an age of texting and social media. We have chosen to retain our customary formal advice, but always to give a pragmatic, contemporary alternative. We have, for example, acknowledged throughout the new edition, that most married women these days do not want to be named as an appendage of their husband, and are determined to retain their own forename, continue to use their maiden name, or create a new double-barrelled surname.
We have also striven to reflect the new world of work, where women are now holding key roles that in the 1970s would still have been seen as a masculine preserve (Brigadier, Bishop, Chief Constable, Home Secretary). We hope that, by exemplifying how women in these roles should be addressed professionally, we are beginning to redress the imbalance.
Finally, our new edition introduces, or elaborates upon, means of communication that were undreamt of in the 1970s. The first editions of Correct Form reside in a world of visiting cards, At Home cards, engraved invitations and handwritten letters on personal stationery. Births, marriages and deaths were announced in the broadsheets; presumably the telephone was a useful short cut, though its use is never mentioned in the pages of the book. Surely, our predecessors can scarcely have dreamt of the world of faxes (the first innovation), emails, texts and social media. In this respect, the transformations of the last fifty years have been extraordinary, allowing us to communicate instantaneously in a wide variety of ways, to cut through the stately old formalities, and circumvent the cumbersome role of conventional correspondence.
Of course, these time-honoured means of communication have not gone away, and we have had to think carefully about their continued importance – most notably on big occasions, such as weddings, births or formal parties. People will continue to enjoy the arrival of the stiff formal card with its engraved copperplate script, or the handwritten thank-you letter sent on the finest quality stationery, and we have therefore continued to give advice about all forms of written communication. But, for a 21st-century audience, we have also turned our attention to more everyday messages and have evolved some simple and practical advice about email and texting etiquette, which we hope will prove both useful and contemporary.
Revising the Handbook for the coronation year of 2023 has been a fascinating exercise, which has vividly demonstrated the speed with which society changes. Egalitarian attitudes and a refusal to accept traditional gender stereotypes, assisted by rapid innovations in media and technology, are forging a new informality. But we are also reminded that we British, no matter how progressive our demeanour, are stalwart guardians of our own history and remain consistently respectful of well-documented traditions and ancient rituals.
As part of a new series, the team at Debrett's Education have been speaking to the heads of UK independent schools about their own experiences in education.
This week we meet Tom O'Sullivan, head of Cheltenham College Prep School, who attended Pate's Grammar and Durham University.
In 1902, as the country got ready to celebrate the coronation of Edward VII after Queen Victoria’s long reign, Debrett’s published a Dictionary of the Coronation.
As we once again prepare for a coronation after an unprecedentedly long reign, we have been browsing through this treasury of arcane protocol, little-known facts, royal peculiarities and medieval pomp. We have also been discovering how much participants in the Coronation gained for their services and how eagerly these roles were pursued and secured. Well over a century later, we are promised a much more modern, streamlined event, which will be a reflection of 21st-century Britain and the many changes society has undergone. So, here’s a short compilation of just some of the roles that have been lost and rituals that have been retained:
The history of coronations provides a rich insight into a bygone era of pageantry and feudalism, patronage and service. Many roles are now merely obsolete relics of a distant history, as these few examples testify:
• The Champion of England
An office which is the most perfect relic of feudalism. Established in England by William the Conqueror immediately after the Battle of Hastings, it was first conferred upon Robert de Marmion, Lord of Fontenoy in Normandy.
The Champion was entitled to claim, on the coronation day, one of the King’s great coursers [a swift and strong horse], with a saddle, harness and trappings of cloth of gold, and one of the best suits of armour (all of which he claimed as fees, along with the gold cup from which the King drank to him). Thus mounted and furnished and accompanied by the High Constable and Marshal of England and the Royal Herald, he rode into the hall to the place where the King sat at dinner and there, after three proclamations of the trumpet, said words to the effect that anyone who denied that the King was lawfully entitled to the throne ‘lies like a false traitor’ and threw down his gauntlet. This part of the coronation ceremony was dispensed with at Queen Victoria’s coronation ceremony.
• The Chief Butler
A very ancient dignity. Of the many reasons for this post was the liability of the Sovereign to be poisoned; it was the Chief Butler’s responsibility to make sure this did not happen. In the reign of William the Conqueror, the post was held by William D’Albini and it is now a hereditary right of the Duke of Norfolk, as Earl of Arundel (the Arundels being descended from a sister of the last male Albini). The fees are now commuted to a gold basin and ewer. They used to include all the vessels and wine below the bar on the day of the coronation, but this practice was stopped in 1399 and was disallowed at the coronation of Henry IV. The role of Chief Butler has not been part of the ceremony since the coronation of Queen Victoria.
• The Herb Strewer
The Coronation office depends on the pleasure of the Sovereign and no petition for the privilege was made to the Court of Claims for this position from the time of George IV, when Miss Anne Fellows took on the role, until the Coronation of Queen Victoria, when Miss Beatrice Fellows, as the senior unmarried female of her family, petitioned the court. The claim was declined on that occasion and has not been revived since. To this day, the Fellows claim this role for the senior unmarried female in the family. The primary function of the Herb Strewer was to scatter herbs and sweet-smelling flowers to mask less pleasant odours. The dress of the Herb Strewer at the coronation of George IV is described as of white satin, with a scarlet robe, and a wreath of flowers on the head. Her six assistants also wore white and had wreaths on their heads as well as garlands of flowers across their bodies, passing from their left shoulder and under their right arm.
The claim of the Cinque Ports, a historic group of coastal towns in southeast England to send representatives to the Coronation, and for sixteen of their Barons, clad in scarlet satin doublets, to hold a canopy over the King, and sixteen more another one over the Queen, receiving the canopy, bells, and staves as their fees, is of ancient origin. The privilege is supposed to have been granted in recognition of services rendered by the Navy of the Ports to the early kings. The Debrett’s Dictionary of the Coronation explains that, at the coronation of Edward VII the Court of Claims ruled that if His Majesty decided that canopies were to be used the Barons of the Cinque Ports should carry them, and The King eventually invited eighteen representatives of these Ports to take part in the ceremony: the towns of Dover, Hastings, Sandwich, New Romney, Hythe, Rye, Winchelsea, Deal, Folkestone, Faversham, Lydd, Margate, Ramsgate, and Tenterden each sent a baron.
A petition sent by the barons of the cinque ports prior to the coronation of Charles I in 1626, demonstrates the long history of this privilege. They
“Humbly beseecheth your majestie grace would be pleased to afford them your gracious assistance, and be a meanes that they maie enjoy att this his majesties coronacion, and be admitted to performe that service which of auncient tyme hath beene done by their predecessors, and that letteres or summons maie be sent accordingly.”
The Coronation Claims office has announced that the barons of the Cinque Ports will once again play important historic ceremonial roles in the Coronation of Their Majesties The King and The Queen Consort on 6 May 2023.
The rite of anointing the Kings of England is of very ancient standing, the first recorded instance being that of Egforth of Mercia, in the year 785. The sacred oil, we are told by Dean Stanley [the Dean of Westminster from 1864–81], was “believed to convey to the Sovereign a spiritual jurisdiction and inalienable sanctity”. The oil that was used to anoint the Stuart Kings was a compound oil called chrisma, or “cream”. James II paid his apothecary £200 for the “cream” that was compounded for his coronation.
It has been announced that, in a special ceremony at The Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, the oil that will be used to anoint King Charles III has been consecrated by the Patriarch of Jerusalem, His Beatitude Patriarch Theophilos III, and the Anglican Archbishop in Jerusalem, Olives, at the Monastery of Mary Magdalene and the Monastery of the Ascension. The oil has been perfumed with essential oils – sesame, rose, jasmine, cinnamon, neroli, benzoin and amber – as well as orange blossom.
The office of composer to the Chapel Royal was founded by Queen Mary in 1699, when Dr Blow, organist to Westminster Abbey, was appointed to it, at a salary of £40 per annum… The organ had been claimed by the organist as his perquisite during the reign of the last two Georges; in 1838 an organ was especially built for the occasion, and to save it from being claimed by the organist it was placed in the nave. But the nave belonged to the Dean and chapter, and they pounced upon it. Finally, it was redeemed by the Lord Steward for £500. It was said, however, that Sir George Smart, the organist at the Chapel Royal, compensated himself in other ways –by placing a number of “dummies” in the band who paid £50 apiece to hold a violin, on which they could not play a note to save their lives. This was perhaps one reason why at the coronation of Queen Victoria the number of supposed performers in the orchestra was more than double that at the coronation of William IV.
At the coronation of George I, the King could not to speak English, and his ministers, spiritual or temporal, could not speak German, so the ceremonies had to be explained to his Majesty in such Latin as those about him could command. This necessarily caused some interruptions in the service, and gave rise to the popular jest that much bad language had passed between the King and his ministers on the day of the coronation.
Image, top: Herb-strewing from the coronation procession of James II of England and Queen Mary of Modena, 23 April 1685
Image: Kirby Hall in Northamptonshire
Spring has finally arrived and many of us will be taking advantage of the new season to enjoy exploring Britain’s rich array of heritage sites. Whether our tastes turn to exquisitely manicured gardens and imposing stately homes or isolated castles, archaeological remains and rugged scenery, the British landscape boasts a rich array of heritage sites that span our entire history, from Neolithic stone circles to the Industrial Revolution and beyond.
With such a wide range of historic destinations on offer, it may seem to be an impossible task to devise an all-encompassing heritage etiquette code. But we should approach all these sites with the same level of care and respect and ensure above all that our visit does not cause damage or leave an imprint. Organisation such as the National Trust, English Heritage and Historic Houses are the conservators of our national legacy, and it is important that we always observe their rules and regulations as well as ensuring that we do not have a negative impact on other visitors’ experiences.
• Picnic time
Many of us will want to enjoy a picnic, but don’t assume that picnics are a general free for all. Many historic sites have designated picnic areas, or you can find a ‘suitable for picnics’ icon when you are looking up the site details. In general, fires and barbecues are not allowed. If, in doubt, ring up the specific property for advice first. Remember, some historic landscapes are fragile, or may be undergoing re-wilding, land management, reclamation, re-planting – heedless picknickers can cause irreparable damage to fragile environments.
• Litter beware
Whether you’re visiting a cultivated garden or a wild and rugged landscape, there is only one rule when it comes to rubbish – carefully dispose of all litter, and if you can’t find a bin, bag it up and take it away. Always leave the site absolutely pristine.
• Dog Days
We’re a nation of dog-lovers and while many heritage sites are completely dog-friendly (keep dogs on leads when you are crossing fields with livestock, or when requested to do so) it is sensible to check up on sites’ dog policy before setting out. It’s fine to take your dog to historic gardens, but you should keep your dog on a lead. Bagging and binning dog mess (which may mean seeking out a bin) is the only considerate way to behave – dumping plastic bags in hedgerows when no bins are immediately available is simply not acceptable.
• Country codes
Always follow the countryside code and ensure that gates are left as you found them once you have passed through – generally this means securely fastening the gate but remember sometimes farmers leave gates open for a reason. Follow local signs and keep to designated paths.
• Polite photography
Outdoor photography is completely acceptable, though it is always considerate to be aware of other visitors and ensure that your photography is not obscuring a viewpoint or blocking their access. When you are visiting the interior of heritage properties, such as stately homes, be aware that while photography without flash and filming is widely permitted, it is at the property manager’s discretion, so permission must be sought, and any restrictions respected.
• Respect the signs
Always obey signs and respect ‘No entry’ and ‘don’t touch’ warnings, which are always displayed for a good reason. If you are visiting an archaeological site, you may well find that you are forbidden from clambering over precarious remains. In stately homes ‘don’t touch’ notices protect valuable paintings and furnishings. If you have children with you, then you will need to be extra vigilant.
• Observe gallery etiquette
If you are looking around the interior of a property, be aware of the flow of crowds, don’t block access to works of art for other visitors, keep your voice down. If a guide is giving a talk (even if you’re not part of the group), don’t talk over them.
• Come unencumbered
Don’t come burdened with large bags and if you do, try and check them in whenever possible (though not all historic properties have this facility, so plan ahead). Avoid carrying rucksacks, which can be very hazardous in confined spaces. It’s easy to forget that you’ve got a bulky object on your back, and you wouldn’t want to cause incalculable damage to a precious antiquity with your bulging rucksack…
• Put your phone away
Switch off mobile phones when you are in historic houses or other heritage properties. Be considerate about using your phone in enclosed gardens – other visitors may not appreciate being forced to eavesdrop on loud conversations. Wherever you are, be it a historic house, a garden, or an archaeological site, be aware of other visitors when taking photographs or selfies with your mobile.
• No smoking
Smoking or vaping is never permitted inside historic buildings, or in cafés or shops. If you’re smoking outside, try and find a spot away from other non-smoking visitors, and be very careful to throw your cigarette butts into litter bins and to ensure that matches are extinguished.
• Lose the Heels
If you’re exploring historic properties then under no circumstances should you wear stiletto heels, which can wreak terrible damage on wooden carpets and rush matting. You will be doing a lot of standing, so it is sensible to wear flat, comfortable shoes.
• Remember your Ps and Qs
Always be polite and respectful to stewards inside historic buildings, guides, gardeners, and people at ticket booths. Many people who work at these sites, especially stewards and guides who are giving up their time voluntarily, are genuine enthusiasts, who are well-informed and delighted to talk about the property. Engaging in a polite conversation with them will probably elicit all sorts of arcane and fascinating information. Questions are always welcomed and asking genuine questions is a great way of showing your guides your interest and appreciation.
• Enjoy a cup of tea
Many heritage sites offer tea rooms, cafés and gift shops and it is a supportive gesture to patronise these establishments whenever possible. Funds are always limited and maintaining, repairing and refurbishing these sites is an endless task. It will certainly be appreciated if you do whatever you can to help the invaluable work of keeping Britain’s historic heritage alive.
Money has long been considered a conversational taboo in Britain, and people will think you are rude and intrusive if you ask direct questions about salaries, savings or house values. We are all experts at assessing other people’s worth, calibrating their expenditure and estimating their income bracket, which many of us do completely unconsciously when we first meet – it is all part of an elaborate social dance, where we satisfy our natural curiosity about each other by making indirect enquiries and asking leading questions.
But in these cash-strapped times, when we have all been hit by inflation and rising household bills, many of us have become much more open about household expenditure. We complain about, and compare, utility bills and we despair when we are confronted by their relentless rise.
Many of us feel compelled to take the bull by the horns by confronting our various suppliers by haggling over costs. The British, with their long history of evasiveness about money, are not natural hagglers, and many people feel squeamish when having conversations about money. These discussions, like most social transactions, will be eased if you are polite and courteous, so follow this advice if you are ringing up utility or broadband companies and trying to secure a better deal:
• It’s not shameful to bargain: Try and rid yourself of any lingering feelings of embarrassment about haggling. With multiple suppliers of utilities and services all vying for our business against the backdrop of rising costs and inflation, we are all obliged to shop around and drive a hard bargain – it’s how the system works.
• Civility counts: This is a social transaction, and you are much more likely to secure a discount if you come across as calm and friendly, and you establish some kind of relationship with the company’s representative.
• Don’t call when angry: If you are feeling furious about price hikes your sense of grievance will be apparent, and you may fly off the handle, which will be counterproductive. Defer the call until you have calmed down.
• Do your research: Equip yourself with all the facts, which will give you confidence and strengthen your argument. This means investigating market rates and taking a close look at alternative suppliers. It is helpful if you can cite up-to-date quotes from competitors; the customer care adviser will know that you really mean business.
• Talk to the right person: Open your call by saying “I’d like to talk to someone about my contract – I’m considering moving to another supplier” and you will soon find yourself directed to the right adviser.
• Be prepared to carry through: If you accept at the outset that you are willing to walk away from your current deal and find an alternative, you will sound genuine and heartfelt when you say you are considering leaving. If you just use the threat of leaving as an empty bargaining tool, an experienced customer care adviser will detect that there is no real danger of you going elsewhere.
• Don’t start on a negative: Kicking off with a litany of complaints about the company will only put the customer care assistant on the defensive. Save this ammunition for later in the call, especially if you feel you are not making progress.
• Be clear about what you want: This might simply be a reduced price, but decide beforehand if you would find alternative offers (reduced contract length, cash bonuses or freebies) persuasive.
• Play the loyalty card: If you feel that, as an established customer, you are being de-prioritised, politely, and regretfully, point out that you feel your loyalty is not being adequately recognised or rewarded.
• Don’t beat about the bush: Try not to use circumlocutory or indirect language, eg “I was wondering if it might be able to offer me some sort of a discount” etc. Use straightforward, direct language “Are you able to offer me a better deal?” or “Can you offer me a more competitive price?”
• Don’t be afraid of silence: It is easy to interpret silence as non-cooperation, and to react by softening your tone and reducing your demands. If there’s an awkward pause, just wait patiently for a response – it is quite likely that the customer care adviser is investigating the discount options that are available to them or checking with their manager.
• Say thank you: No matter how the transaction went, thank the customer care adviser politely for their time – sometimes you will be offered a better deal after the call has terminated so try and leave the conversation on a positive note.
Easter has been an important date in the calendar since the early days of Christianity. It is also a spring festival, and its seasonal themes of resurrection and rebirth are reflected in many rituals and practices. In days gone by Good Friday was one of only two public holidays in the British Isles (the other one was Christmas) so the long Easter weekend, as well as its religious association, became a time for fresh starts, mirth and celebration.
We’ve looked at some traditional practices and examined the ways in which we can celebrate the Easter holidays in our increasingly secular society.
• Spring Cleaning and Fresh Starts
In the Middle Ages, Easter was the time when the fires of winter were extinguished, hearths were swept and strewn with fresh rushes and houses were cleaned. The days are longer and strong sunlight reveals the dust and debris accumulated in the winter months. Throwing open the windows, airing the house, de-cluttering and cleaning are all excellent was of ushering in a new season, and a good way of ensuring that your house is ready for Easter Entertaining.
• New Outfits
The Easter bonnet represents the tradition of wearing new clothes at Easter. Discarding winter woollens and embracing brighter colours and lighter fabrics is another way of reflecting Easter traditions of renewal and rebirth. In the past, it was believed that new clothes should be worn for the Easter blessing in church, or there would be a risk of bringing bad luck. Of course, not everybody could afford a completely new Easter outfit, but a small item such as a bonnet, shawl or ribbon sufficed.
Once the new outfits were acquired, it was inevitable that people would want to show them off in public, hence the informal parade, when crowds gathered in public places, such as parks, and spent the day promenading, flirting and drinking:
“The belles and beaux, from the fineness of the weather, exceeded far, very far, any number that ever were seen at that favourite spot. From six to eight o’clock, on their return to London, it was one continued throng of holiday people of all ranks and descriptions, from Greenwich Park to Westminster Bridge. There was no resisting the torrent; and many an honest young woman who was so yesterday morning, will have fatal cause to repent, before this day twelvemonth, the frolic of tumbling down the hill in the park – drunkenness, riots, battles and thefts, as usual, dignified the proceedings. Not less than one hundred thousand persons were present.”
The Hampshire Chronicle, 28 April 1794
Inevitably the desire to be outside, to enjoy fine weather, to revel in the spring-like sense of brighter days to come, means that Easter is still a sociable, outgoing time of year when, like our Georgian predecessors, we enjoy emerging from our winter hibernation and being with other people.
• Easter Flowers
Flowers inevitably play a big part in Easter celebrations, and have always done so, because they symbolise the growth and regeneration of spring. In Victorian times, floral arrangements of lilies, tulips, pansies, and lilacs adorned both homes and religious establishments and women created lace and beadwork in flower designs to cover tables and shelves.
These days, florists are abundant with spring flowers and garden centres boast a cornucopia of spring bulbs and early summer bedding plants. For many people Easter is the first opportunity to contemplate the upcoming summer season in the garden and an ideal time for planting and planning.
• Easter Eggs
The egg is a symbol of life and rebirth and the tradition of giving eggs at Easter time can be traced back to Egyptians, Persians, Greeks, Romans and Gauls. In the medieval period eating eggs was forbidden during the 40-day fasting period of Lent, so Easter Sunday – the day on which the fast ended – was greeted with feasting and merriment.
It is thought that the Easter bunny derives from a German tradition of the Easter Hare, which can be dated back to the late 17th century. The custom was that the hare would bring a basket of brightly decorated eggs for children who had been good, which would then be hidden around the garden for the children to find.
Chocolate Easter eggs originated in France and Germany in the early 19th century and in Britain they date back to Victorian times. The first chocolate egg was made in 1873 by the Fry family of Bristol, and two years later Cadbury had also made their first chocolate egg. Today, sales in the Easter period make up 10 per cent of total annual sales of chocolate in the UK.
If you’re planning an Easter Sunday egg-hunt, you can decorate your own Easter eggs by hard boiling eggs for 10 minutes. Stand the eggs in cold water to cool them down. Half-fill a cup with water, a teaspoon of vinegar and a teaspoon of food colouring. Use a wax crayon to draw designs on your egg; dip the egg into the cup of dye – the wax will remain white, highlighting the design against the coloured background. Place the decorated eggs in the egg carton to dry.
• Easter Baking
After the long period of Lenten abstinence, it is scarcely surprising that baking, using lots of eggs and butter, is a popular Easter tradition.
Hot cross buns, traditionally eaten on Good Friday, are spiced with cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and cloves. There are many superstitions surrounding them: it is believed that hot cross buns baked on Good Friday will never go mouldy; when taken out to sea they protect against shipwreck; when shared with another person they guarantee friendship.
Simnel case is fruitcake with a twist – a layer of marzipan is included in the middle of the cake and the cake is also ‘iced’ with a layer of marzipan and then adorned with marzipan balls. The cake is stuffed with dried fruit, candied mixed peel, ground almonds and the fruit and zest of an orange.
• Easter Sports
Easter is also the fresh start of the sporting season, and Easter Monday has traditionally been a day of hunting, archery, handball games, horse-racing and dancing. The Leicester Hare Hunt took place every Easter Monday, while the Epping Forest Hunt was a favourite pastime of East Enders in the early 19th century, who travelled out to the woods to track down an elderly stag, which was released from a cart for the purpose. The event became so popular and dangerously overcrowded that it was banned in 1847.
‘Uppies and Downies’ is an Easter sporting tradition that still survives in Cumbria. It has been played since 1779, and is an anarchic free-for-all, with villagers trying to carry a leather ball between the village and the harbour, a distance of about a mile and a half.
• Easter Cards
For most of us Easter is a four-day holiday and a chance to get together with family and friends after the long winter months. We may not choose to participate in the various Easter pursuits, but we will probably be planning Easter lunches, Easter Monday walks, visits to country pubs, garden centres and so on. For those of us who will not be able to see family and close friends this year, we can always look back to the Victorian tradition of sending Easter cards. The Victorians fell in love with the whole concept of greeting cards when the halfpenny stamp was introduced in the 1870s and coloured printing techniques became cheaper. It is estimated that British people still send 40 million Easter cards annually and, as always, a well-chosen card, preferably with a short, handwritten message, is an excellent way of conveying good wishes to people you will not be seeing over the holiday period.
April 6th is Tartan Day in North America, when the Scottish diaspora – over 15 per cent of Canadians and 8.3% of Americans claim Scottish descent – celebrate their Scottish ancestry with pipe bands, parades, Highland dancing and, inevitably, Scotland’s distinctive fabric.
Scotland’s national fabric has a long ancestry, dating back to the Celts, who were weaving plaids at least three thousand years ago. Tartan is a woven material, generally made of wool, with stripes of different colour and width.
For centuries tartans were the everyday fabric worn by Highlanders, and their distinctive weaves became synonymous with kinship and clan affiliations. Early tartans would have comprised simple check pattern in two or three colours. They would have been the work of a community weaver, who would have depended on local plants and dyes (heathers, seaweeds, lichens, berries, whelks).
When Bonnie Prince Charlie led a Jacobite rebellion against the Duke of Cumberland’s forces in 1745 his army was organised into clan (extended family) regiments, with distinctive tartans.
Tartan had thus become coupled with Scottish nationalism, and after the British victory at the Battle of Culloden in 1746 the Government banned wearing it in an attempt to crush the rebellious clan system (the Act was repealed in 1782).
By then, tartan had fallen out of use, and many of the traditional weavers had died, taking their patterns and skills with them. Tailors had to reinvent the historic patterns to satisfy King George IV in 1822 when he visited Edinburgh and suggested that people wore their traditional clan tartans. Queen Victoria and Prince Albert’s enthusiasm for Balmoral tartan, coupled with the romantic novels of Sir Walter Scott, ignited a Victorian passion for all things Scottish.
Tartan today is used from everything from traditional highland dress to scarves, curtains and cushion covers. It is a symbol of Scottish pride, both repudiated and revived by the Scotland’s English rulers.
• Clan tartans – for general use by clanspeople
• Dress tartans – originally worn by women, with a white background and lighter patterns
• Mourning tartans – Generally black and white
• Hunting tartans – dark in colour, and therefore suitable for hunting
• Chief’s tartans – for the personal use of the clan Chief and his family
The kilt, which can be traced back to the end of the 16th century, evolved from the belted plaid, or great kilt, a large full-length swathe of fabric that was worn draped over the shoulder, gathered into pleats and belted at the waist. In the 17th century the small kilt, or walking kilt, evolved, comprising a single width of cloth worn hanging down from the belt.
It is said that in 1720, an (English) mill-owner named Mr Rawlinson, who managed an iron-foundry in Lochaber ‘invented’ the knee-length kilt in an attempt to prevent his mill-workers, who were migrants from the Highlands, from being sucked into the machines by their draped and belted plaids. These garments were adopted by the Highland regiments.
Kilts, like tartan, fell victim to the British Government’s ‘Dress Act’ of 1746 and were outlawed, with the exception of the garments worn by the Highland regiments. The kilt was increasingly viewed with romantic nostalgia and once the ban was lifted the general use of ‘Highland Dress’ was encouraged by, amongst others, the Celtic Society of Edinburgh, chaired by Sir Walter Scott. Lowlanders began to wear stylised versions of a garment that had always been associated with Highlanders and the kilt became the universal symbol of Scottish identity.
• Kilt – a knee length garment, pleated at the rear, in tartan
ª Trews – traditional tartan trousers, trimmed with leather
• Plaid – A length of tartan fabric, matching the kilt or trews, that is draped over the shoulder
• Sporran – made of leather or fur, it forms the function of a pocket, positioned in front of the groin of the wearer
• Sgian-dubh– a small single-edged knife, tucked in the top of the kilt hose (socks)
• Accessories – tartan socks, kilt pins, clan badges
Highland Dress Codes for Formal Occasions
The kilt, fastened with a pin, with a dress sporran.
• A plain white shirt, with either a black bow tie or a lace jabot.
• A Highland jacket (also called a doublet) with ornamental silver buttons. There are several styles but they are normally made from black or dark coloured barathea, broadcloth or dark velvet. They may be worn with a waistcoat.
• Knee-length socks or stockings (‘hose’), patterned, or green or red (never plain cream), secured with a silk garter (sometimes called a flash). A dagger or sgian dubh (pronounced ‘ski-an doo’) may be placed on the right-hand side.
•Black patent leather dancing pumps or buckled brogues are traditional. A black evening shoe is also acceptable.
Some men prefer tartan trousers, ‘trews’, which may be worn with a velvet smoking jacket and black tie in place of dinner jacket trousers. Trews are always cut without a side seam.
• A long dress, with a skirt full enough for dancing reels, is worn at Highland balls.
• White dresses are often worn with sashes, particularly at formal balls, but some wear colours or patterns.
• A tartan sash is worn diagonally. Clanswomen wear it over the right shoulder, across the breast and secured by a pin or small brooch on the right shoulder.
• The wife of a clan chief or the wife of a colonel of a Scottish regiment would wear a slightly wider sash over the left shoulder, secured with a brooch on the left shoulder.
• Non-clanswomen attending the balls should wear similar long dresses but without a sash.
It is best not to wear a specific clan tartan unless you are connected to that clan.
Kilts should only be worn by those with a Scottish or Gaelic connection; and the correct attire must be worn to suit the occasion.
Formal kiltwear involves donning one’s own tartan – modern, ancient or dress. Ensure that the length of the kilt is right: whilst the contemporary trend is towards the shorter kilt, which sits above the knee, traditional wearers insist that it should sit high on the waist – beneath the bottom rib, and rest between the top and middle of the kneecap.
When asked what you are wearing under your kilt, an enigmatic smile will suffice.
