Valentine’s Day is an annual celebration of romantic love, and for many of us it provides a wonderful excuse for cards, flowers, presents, and candlelit dîners à deux, all fortuitously coming at a time of year when winter is dragging on and spring still seems a distant prospect.
Many of us do not take these celebrations too seriously, and are more interested in having a good time than cementing a lifetime’s relationship. For some of us, however, a shared Valentine’s Day is yet another step in the gradual process of commitment, and we are eagle-eyed in our observations of our putative partner’s deportment and behaviour.
We have once again turned to the invaluable Routledge’s Manual of Etiquette (first published in 1860) for Victorian insights on courtship rituals. While some of their strictures seem laughably severe, there are several nuggets of good sense buried in the flowery prose:
“A lady should be particular during the early days of courtship—while still retaining some clearness of mental vision—to observe the manner in which her suitor comports himself to other ladies. If he behave with ease and courtesy, without freedom or the slightest approach to licence in manner or conversation; if he never speak slightingly of the sex, and be ever ready to honour its virtues and defend its weakness; she may continue to incline towards him a willing ear. His habits and his conduct must awaken her vigilant attention before it be too late. Should he come to visit her at irregular hours; should he exhibit a vague or wandering attention—give proofs of a want of punctuality—show disrespect for age—…or evince an inclination to expensive pleasures beyond his means, or to low and vulgar amusements; should he be foppish, eccentric, or very slovenly in his dress; or display a frivolity of mind, and an absence of well-directed energy in his worldly pursuits; let the young lady, we say, while there is yet time, eschew that gentleman’s acquaintance, and allow it gently to drop.”
“It would be well also for the suitor, on his part, during the first few weeks of courtship, carefully to observe the conduct of the young lady in her own family, and the degree of estimation in which she is held by them, as well as amongst her intimate friends…If he should find that he has been attracted by the tricksome affectation and heartless allurements of a flirt, ready to bestow smiles on all, but with a heart for none; if she who has succeeded for a time in fascinating him be of uneven temper, easily provoked, and slow to be appeased; fond of showy dress, and eager for admiration; ecstatic about trifles, frivolous in her tastes, and weak and wavering in performing her duties; if her religious observances are merely the formality of lip service; if she be petulant to her friends, pert and disrespectful to her parents, overbearing to her inferiors; if pride, vanity, and affectation be her characteristics; if she be inconstant in her friendships; gaudy and slovenly, rather than neat and scrupulously clean, in attire and personal habits: then we counsel the gentleman to retire as speedily but as politely as possible from the pursuit of an object quite unworthy of his admiration and love; nor dread that the lady’s friends—who must know her better than he can do—will call him to account for withdrawing from the field.”
With marriage as the ultimate goal, Victorian courtship was a serious business. It was imperative that any indications of frivolity, neurosis, selfishness or laziness were identified well before the first steps were made towards commitment. Lovers observed each other, mainly within the domestic and family sphere, with keen-eyed attention. In an age when divorce was scandalous and difficult, any misjudgements were extremely perilous.
The casual approach to love and romance we enjoy today allows us to test and re-test our first impressions, although that can be a painful and discouraging business. So perhaps we should take a leaf from the Victorians’ book, and watch out for the following:
•Try and observe your lover in the context of his or her family. If they are affectionate and respectful to parents and siblings, it is an extremely good sign.
•If your lover is casually rude to, for example, waiters, be on your guard. Good manners to everyone are a sign that an individual is attuned to other people’s feelings.
•It bodes well if potential partners are loyal to their friends and stand by them, even in the face of criticism or disparagement.
•Incorrigible flirts, who are eager for universal admiration and attention, are exhausting.
•While the Victorians’ rigid attitudes to dress and personal habits have been long discarded, it is encouraging to see potential partners making an effort with their dress and appearance – it indicates that they are taking you seriously.
•Basic good manners, such as punctuality, courtesy and reliability, should be on display. It is the very least you should expect.
Fred Lloyd George spent six years in the army, including in Afghanistan, before moving on to work in the care sector. After several years at a care start-up and then working for NHS Digital, he teamed up with his business partner Alex Hamilton to set up Hamilton George, which provides tailored live-in care and housekeeping support, as well as a new consultation service. We spoke to Fred about building a team during a pandemic, his key piece of advice to business founders, and how to have conversations about care.
Can you tell us about your background before you set up Hamilton George?
I was in the Welsh Guards from 2010 to 2016. That’s where Alex (Hamilton) and I met – Alex was in the Irish Guards so we were in the same platoon training in Brecon, Wales. We’ve had relatively mirrored careers since then – he went into healthcare tech when he left the army, setting up DocTap which provides access to private GP clinics. I went to work for a healthcare tech start-up, which is where I learned about live-in care. It's a large-scale platform that introduces carers to people that require live-in care, and I spent three years there doing operations and strategy. It was there I learned about the emotional drivers and how you really need to find out what people need in order to deliver really good care.
What then inspired you to branch out on your own?
Being an army officer you’re operationally very strong, but you’re also driven by human beings, personalities and trying to get the best out of people. Care always appealed to me because it’s such a personal business, and you need to be able to understand what someone needs and deliver that for them. You also need to understand your carers’ different personalities and how that will work with clients.
I went on to do social care strategy at NHS Digital. It was then that Covid hit and social care became a major focus, so I spent almost two years working on strategy – identifying where resources should be allocated and improving the transfer of information from GPs. All that time I was a sounding board for friends and family who were looking for good, consistent care for their loved ones. Alex and I were always asking ourselves why people couldn’t find an agency that was very person-centred, family-orientated and that cultivated a positive relationship with care. So that was the starting point for Hamilton George – asking what’s going to really improve our clients’ lives through care. That’s always been our underlying motivation in how we deal with our families and clients, and in the way that we recruit and train our carers.
What was the process of setting up Hamilton George and recruiting the team?
A lot of work initially went into recruiting excellent carers. Of the 200 carers who apply for roles, we work with maybe 10 or 20. So we spend a lot of time interviewing and recruiting the best people. Second to that was building a team that could provide great support for our clients, so for example we quickly hired Alyce Sheedy who’s a registered nurse who provides nursing support. If there are any clinical requirements or changes in care needs, she provides a clinical eye on it. So it was a combination of building a really great caring team and having the support team to be able to speak to clients about their needs.
What have been the biggest challenges of running a business through the pandemic?
Working in this area means you’re working with vulnerable adults who are more susceptible to Covid, so we’ve had to be very careful about protecting our clients through rigorous hygiene and infection control measures, as well as very careful testing. There are lots of challenges around bringing a team together when you’re working remotely and of course missing out on the social aspects of work, as well as the creative benefits of being able to throw ideas together when you’re all in the same place.
What qualities do you think make a good entrepreneur? Do you consider yourself one?
I don’t know if I’m an entrepreneur! This is the first venture of my own but I always think that being an army officer is quite entrepreneurial because from quite a young age you’re left on your own and expected to get on with it. I was in Afghanistan in 2012 and asked to build a battalion level checkpoint at the age of 25. You need to be comfortable having an opinion and doing your own analysis to identify opportunities and work out how you’re going to deliver on an idea. I guess it’s very easy to have an idea, but being able to deliver it is much harder. So to be an entrepreneur you need to be comfortable with the process of trial and error, and coming back from failure in the first instance.
And courage.
Yes. It’s really scary – you take an idea – you run the numbers and even for someone like me, who had worked in the sector for seven or eight years, you still don’t know if it’s going to work out. So yes, courage is pretty important!
What tend to be the key challenges that your clients are facing? Do you have any advice for people who might be beginning to have conversations about care?
We’re constantly surprised by how little people know about care when they get to the point when they need it. Families have lots of conversations about inheritance, wealth transfer and how people want to retire, but care still seems like a conversation that we’re afraid to have. Therefore a lot of our conversations are around education and giving people advice and guidance, and we also discuss care options and how to fund it. So the biggest advice I would give is to have that conversation really early on. You’ll need to think about how to finance it and your loved ones will want to look at the different options. We specifically look at live-in care, but there might be other options that your family member would prefer, like a care home or retirement village, or hourly care for as long as possible.
Even within the world of live-in care there are different options - you can hire a carer independently, use an introductory agency or use a company like us that’s fully managed. There’s also lots of funding from the government that people aren’t always aware of. So have a care plan for the future that details what you want, at what point you want to implement it, and how you’re going to fund it.
What qualities do you tend to look for in the people you work with?
In a small team you need someone who’s able to work autonomously, who can take a complex situation and simplify or improve it. We also make sure that everyone understands our vision. We recruit people who genuinely care.
And finally, what would be your key piece of advice to someone looking to set up their own business?
I like to do things quickly but the thing I learned was to slow down, ask for advice and assess all options. For us each care placement is a partnership between us and our client so taking the time to discuss and agree how care will be managed and any changes implemented is vital.
Hamilton George has launched a new care consultation service. Their team of expert care consultants will take into account the specific needs of both you and your family, helping you to identify the key care requirements. Whether you need assistance managing a carer and building your own care plan, or are looking for an agency to provide and support you with care, their experienced and compassionate consultants can offer guidance and reassurance.
Visit https://hamiltongeorgecare.com/care-consultancy/
If you are an animal-owner it is to be hoped that you are also an animal-lover, happy to share a bed with your cat, thrilled by the tuneful twittering of your budgerigar, un-deterred by your dog’s sloppy chops. You may be blissfully oblivious to the relentlessly squeaking hamster-wheel, the pungent smell of freshly-opened cat food, the dawn barking ritual, or the dog and cat hairs that strew your cushions and stick, glue-like, to your guest’s clothes.
But you really must think carefully about all these phenomena before inviting people to your home and remember, above all, that not everybody shares your enthusiasm.
You cannot simply assume that your friends and relations will share your tolerance and – within reason – you should do your best to accommodate their reservations (e.g. open the cat food when the guests are out of the room, vacuum your sofa before the guests arrive, oil the hamster-wheel and so on.).
It is possible to ensure that your friends and visitors are not turned off by your pets, but it is essential that you follow some very simple rules. See below:
•Treat your pet with respect. No civilised human being should ever take out feelings of rage, frustration or inadequacy on a dumb animal.
•Monitor children very carefully – a tendency to treat animals as playthings can easily tip into unconscious cruelty and should be nipped in the bud.
•Check first, and if your visitors are hesitant about animals or confess to an allergy to dog or cat hair, don’t inflict your animals upon them. Nonchalantly remarking “she really likes you” as your visitor flinches from the insistent kneading of a sharp-clawed cat simply won’t do.
•If you have house guests, keep pets out of their bedrooms, unless enthusiastically requested to do otherwise.
• When you are out with your dog, keep it under control. Be aware that small children (quite reasonably) and some adults are actually very frightened of dogs. So make sure that – if there is any risk of an upsetting encounter – you keep your dog on the leash.
•Dog mess is an intolerable nuisance, especially in the middle of pavements and paths. If you have any respect at all for your fellow human beings, you will always carry plastic bags and remove it.
•Watch your dog’s dining etiquette. You may not mind him putting his paws on the table and licking the gravy from your empty plate, but many people will find this unhygienic and intrusive and will be looking at your dog’s antics with a very jaundiced eye. Only take your dog out to eat if he will lie quietly under the table, drink discreetly from a dedicated dog bowl and not upset fellow diners.
•Don’t anthropomorphise your pets in public: you may think of them as furry near-humans, but cloying ‘conversations’, complete with baby voices and mawkish endearments, will embarrass onlookers.
If you are not a pet owner, you may regard the more extreme symptoms of animal adoration with some scepticism – they’re only animals, and people are more important. But there comes a point when you have to accept the absolutely crucial role pets play in many people’s lives. Sometimes the reasons are blindingly obvious – the childless couple, the lonely widow, the elderly woman with no family living nearby. Or maybe the animal just enhances and enriches everyone’s life, and has become a much-loved part of the family.
It’s only polite, therefore, to treat the pet-owner’s passion with respect and sympathy. Ask after the dog or cat. Commiserate over its ill-health. Share in the owner’s delights with the endearing new puppy or kitten, or bereavement at a much-loved pet’s passing. Recognise that all these emotions demonstrate the important role the pet has played in its owner’s life and are a testament to the owner’s kindness and devotion.
In a world where immoderate remarks are unleashed with uninhibited abandon on social media, where furious disagreements are followed online by millions, and arguments and accusations are given unprecedented amounts of airtime, public discourse lacks basic civility and careless remarks can become dangerous provocations. In this context, words like moderation and restraint are increasingly seen as quaint and old-fashioned.
But these qualities have always been recognised as the cornerstone of civilised behaviour and the ability to deploy them when thinking before you speak is an essential social skill. Whatever the provocation – a heated argument, a challenging debate, a family row – individuals should ensure that discourse is courteous and civilised. This means that they must pause before unleashing invective or accusations, and carefully calibrate the consequences and defensibility of their remarks.
Taking all these considerations into account does not render conversation bland or meaningless. It ensures that individuals only utter offensive or distasteful remarks if they are satisfied that they can be fully vindicated, and are confident that, if they are called upon to defend themselves, they will be able to do so.
The ability to think before you speak requires an array of social skills: the capacity to think quickly about the validity of your comment, to project ahead and assess the potential consequences of a remark, to empathise with the feelings and fall-out that may be experienced by the recipient. All these myriad appraisals are easily jeopardised by white-hot rage, deeply ingrained arrogance, or a sense of self-justification.
Above all, it is important to acknowledge that words have consequences. Once they have been uttered, the fall-out is beyond the speaker’s control, and the impact can be shattering. Many of us will have experienced the repercussions that follow ill-advised remarks spoken in anger, or during the heat of argument, and bitterly regretted.
Words that have been enunciated cannot be unsaid and the clock cannot be turned back. If you have expressed yourself intemperately and regret your outspoken allegations, the best policy is to offer an immediate mea culpa. Acknowledge the offence that your remark has caused, and apologise sincerely for it. Do not attempt to justify what you said, or offer excuses for your lack of restraint. Take responsibility, express regret and move on.
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”
Oscar Wilde
When people are thrown together in the intense atmosphere of an office, they form relationships, make friends and sometimes, unfortunately, enemies. Many workplaces seek to mitigate the more unfortunate aspects of office relationships, and to help employees cope with work-based stress, by promoting social interaction. This can range from impromptu after-work drinks, to working lunches and office parties.
Socialising is a chance to see colleagues outside the diurnal, workaday context, and to relate to them as human beings, with families, homes and outside interests. Many bosses feel that a workplace culture that encourages after-hours socialising will consolidate team spirit and help colleagues to bond with each other.
The boozy lunches and snoozy afternoons that characterised the 1980s and 1990s office culture no longer really feature in the British workplace, but undoubtedly ‘working lunches’ sometimes involve intake of alcohol, and it is wise to moderate your intake o if you want to maintain a competent demeanour or avoid any professional traps or pitfalls, which are often the result of over-enthusiastic imbibing.
It is wise for employers who are planning after-hours social events to try to ensure that the line between work and play is clearly delineated. The most obvious way of doing this is to take socialising off-site, eg to a pub, restaurant or party venue. If people are clustered around their desks drinking, even if it is after office hours, worlds will inevitably collide. You don’t want intoxicated employees to be answering the phone, spilling red wine on important documents, or replying to emails while under the influence.
If you are organising a social event, it’s always best to make it clear what it involves. Send a round robin email asking your colleagues to join you in the pub; if you are organising a party, send an invitation (this can simply be in the body of the email if it is a relatively informal event). As with all social invitations, making the nature of events absolutely clear beforehand twill avoid embarrassment or confusion.
Employees should note that a modicum of sociability ensures they are perceived as team-players, not lone wolves. But if you do find yourself participating, be aware that office socialising – whether it is after-work drinks or at a more formal, and planned party – is inevitably an occasion when the barrier between work and social life breaks down, much aided by alcohol.
Over-enthusiastic drinking means that inhibitions will evaporate; you may reveal information that is strictly private or exchange indiscreet, and possibly damaging, gossip. You may find your natural sense of work-based decorum flies out of the window, and memories of your full-throated karaoke and no holds barred dancing will haunt you the following morning. Most embarrassingly of all, sexual inhibitions may begin to dissipate, leading to a flurry of inadvisable flirtation, unseemly passes and unexpected liaisons.
Examine your behaviour in the clear light of the morning after, and resolve to accept the limitations of office life. Save spontaneity and lack of restraint for your friends, and remember that over-indulgence in alcohol and retaining a professional demeanour can be an impossible juggling act.
If your behaviour has really caused offence or embarrassment, apologise as soon as possible to all concerned. Admit the offence, express your profound regrets and reassure your colleagues that it will not happen again.
Elizabeth II will celebrate 70 years on the throne on Sunday 6th February. She is the world’s longest reigning monarch.
The Queen is a constitutional monarch; day-to-day power is exercised by the democratically elected government, and the Queen must be seen as politically impartial. She symbolises the permanence and stability of the nation, rooted in a heritage and traditions that date back to William the Conqueror. She is a keen observer and questioner, but at all times stands above the ebb and flow of party politics.
Her status as a national figurehead is reinforced by her public profile and commitments. Throughout her reign she has presided over a range of ceremonial occasions, from investitures and trooping the colour to the State Opening of Parliament. These very British rituals reinforce the central role of the monarchy in public life.
The State Opening of Parliament, presided over by the Queen who wears the Imperial Crown, is a magnificent ceremonial occasion, but it is also a theatrical reminder of the chequered history of the relationship between the monarchy and the House of Commons. Before the State Opening the Yeomen of the Guard search the cellars of the Houses of Parliament, a tradition that dates back to the Gunpowder Plot of 1605. When the official known as Black Rod arrives at the chamber of the House of Commons to summon the MPs to the Lords, the door is symbolically slammed in his face, an assertion of the hard-won independence of the Commons.
The monarch has been known, since feudal times, as ‘the fount of honour’. Over the course of 30 investitures a year the Queen, and members of her immediate family, bestows honours on some 2,600 people. In doing so, she acts as the symbolic figurehead of British society.
The Trooping the Colour, an annual ceremonial pageant attended by the Queen and members of the Royal Family, is a reminder of the central role members of the royal family play in the armed forces. The Queen became a Colonel of the Grenadier Guards when she was just 16, and as the sovereign she is also the head of the Army, Navy and Royal Air Force.
Great state occasions, such as the marriages of the Queen and members of the royal family, and the Queen’s coronation, have always had the power to unify and transfix the nation. The subject of millions of photographs and hours of television footage, the Queen is the main player, sometimes robed, crowned and carrying a sceptre, in the drama and symbolism of these national rituals.
The Queen has said that she ‘has to be seen to be believed’, and she spends much of her life on show, meeting the public, and reinforcing the role of the royal family within British society. Whatever the occasion, from state banquets and charity galas to ship launchings and high street walkabouts, the Queen succeeds in making personal contact with everyone she meets and adding royal lustre to even the most mundane occasions.
In the Commonwealth and the wider world, the Queen has been a tireless ambassador for Britain, and has probably experienced more state banquets, handshakes and troop inspections than any other head of state. Her trips abroad are not merely ornamental: behind many of them has lain serious diplomacy, from repairing the diplomatic damage caused by the Suez Crisis of 1956 to restoring political confidence and maintaining the momentum of the Peace Process on her state visit to the Republic of Ireland in 2011.
Recognised and respected the world over, with a face that graces British stamps and currency that is the most reproduced image in history, the Queen is the living embodiment of the United Kingdom. Her respect for history and tradition, her indefatigable dedication and good humour, and her ability to accommodate change and reject hidebound rituals, are universally admired attributes, which serve to enhance the reputation of the UK on the international stage.
2021 was the year of the ‘Great Resignation’ in the UK, with people deciding to quit their jobs at record rates. In September alone, 4.4 million people moved on from existing employment.
Whether the pandemic has forced you to take stock and seek new horizons, or you’ve been offered a more senior role within a different organisation, leaving any job requires tact and diplomacy. Here are our six tips for ensuring relations remain cordial (and bridges unburnt) when you hand in your notice.
6 Tips for Quitting with Courtesy
1. Meet your boss face-to-face
Do your boss the courtesy of asking for an in-person meeting in the first instance. If you’re working remotely, arrange a telephone or video call.
2. Keep it brief and to-the-point
Get to the point and explain that you’re planning to hand in your notice, with a brief summary of the reasons. There’s no need for lots of hand-wringing or expressions of regret. Then draw the meeting to a close to let your manager digest the information.
3. Be positive and say thank you
Thank your boss for the opportunities you have been offered, and try to be enthusiastic about your time at the company. Remember that you may well need a reference, so you’ll want to leave on a positive note.
4. Beware of airing grievances
Think carefully before going into detail about any issues you experienced with the management, the company or your role. You risk turning the meeting confrontational, and may say things you regret. If there’s a formal feedback process for departing employees, by all means share your experiences in more detail there.
5. Follow up with a formal letter
As soon as possible after your meeting, send your manager a letter, confirming your end date and any terms associated with your notice period. Reiterate your thanks for the opportunity.
6. Keep the news to yourself
Resist telling colleagues your news before your boss does. He or she may wish to have a recruitment plan in place for your replacement before letting the wider team know what’s happening.
This poetic and gastronomic extravaganza pays tribute to the Scottish national poet, Robbie Burns (1759–96). It was first held on 25 January 1801, on Robbie Burns’s birth date, just five years after his death. A group of nine friends and patrons, organised by the Reverend Hamilton Paul, gathered together in his family home, Burns Cottage in Alloway, to memorialise the poet. Even at this stage the celebration embraced many familiar practices: a haggis was ‘addressed’, toasts were drunk, and Burns’s work was extolled.
Within a year, Burns Clubs were springing up all over Paisley and Greenock and an annual tradition was born. As Scottish settlers travelled across the globe, they continued to revere their national poet, adhering to the Burns night tradition, and today there are over 1,000 Burns clubs worldwide.
A Burns night can follow the time-honoured rituals to the letter, and may be quite a formal event. It can also simply be a gathering of friends, who enjoy a genial ‘themed’ get-together in the grim midwinter. While close adherence to the traditions may not be essential, a number of elements of the evening are de rigueur: the consumption of haggis, cock-a-leekie soup and neeps and tatties, liberal intake of whisky (accompanied by toasts), the recital of choice samples of Burns’s verse, and renditions of his songs.
The host of a Burns night is responsible for orchestrating this gastronomic and poetic jamboree. It is a good idea, therefore, to plan it in advance. Review the traditional order of events (set out below) and decide which elements you want to retain. Burns suppers demand contributions from guests – from reciting, to toasting, to speech-giving. You will need to allocate these roles well in advance and brief your guests carefully, or the whole evening will lose its unique flavour. On the night itself, you will have to be very conscious of timings and your programme, and will need to keep events moving along. Copious intake of Scotch whisky may render your guests raucous and uncooperative, so be prepared to be assertive.
Guests will need to accept that this is an unusual event, requiring more energy and commitment than the average dinner party. If they are asked to contribute, they should dedicate some time to preparing – whether it is a toast, a recital or a witty speech. Don’t be a party-pooper, who undermines the whole event by not fully engaging in the entertainment. Be prepared to cooperate and to follow your host’s lead.
Above all, relax and enjoy a convivial evening, which celebrates the spirit of the Bard and good fellowship.
Gathering
As the guests together, they can greet each other , admire each other’s tartan and raise a glass. Some traditional Scottish music playing in the background will set the mood
The Selkirk Grace
The host/chairman offers the opening grace, also known as the ‘Grace at Kircudbright’. Ideally at this point the participants will enjoy their Cock-a-leekie soup.:
Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it;
But we hae meat, and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.
Parade of the Haggis
Traditionally the haggis is piped in on a silver platter, accompanied by the chef. Most home entertainers will not be able to provide a Highland piper, but some traditional Scottish music on an iPad will suffice.
Address to a Haggis
A designated addresser should now embark on a spirited rendition of Burns’s poem ‘Address to a Haggis’ (or an edited version of it): ‘Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o’ the pudding-race!’ He or she, or the chairman, then slices the haggis open. To avoid an explosion, make a slit in the skin before it reaches the table.
The Toast
A simple toast to ‘The Haggis’, with raised glasses, and the meal is ready to begin.
Immortal Memory
It is now time for a designated speaker to deliver the Immortal Memory address, which outlines the story of Robert Burns and looks his work, ideally highlighting aspects that are relevant to the assembled participants. A further toast to the ‘immortal memory of the Bard of Ayr’ finished this part of the evening.
The Entertainment
Songs, music and readings should now follow and participants should read works of their own choosing – they do not have to be exclusively by Burns, they may be works of other Scottish poets or stories and anecdotes about his life. During this phase of the evening guests can eat pudding or cheese and yet more whisky. This is the point when, the host/chairman must be assertive and organised, ensuring that every speaker is given his/her allocated slot, and is not interrupted when speaking
Toast to the Lassies
This is a light-hearted tribute to the ladies, which pokes affectionate fun at their various foibles and eccentricities, while making occasional reference to the work of Robbie Burns. It should end on a conciliatory note with a toast ‘to the lassies’.
Reply from the Lassies
This should be a witty rejoinder, which decries the men’s social inferiority and lack of refinement. Reference should be made the Bard, perhaps a wry comparison with the men of the day. It should end on a complimentary note.
Closing Remarks
The Chairman thanks the guests for their attendance and good company, and now is a suitable time for a designated guest to voice general thanks for the Chairman’s efforts, proposing a final toast to the Chairman.
Auld Lang Syne
Before finally switching off for the night a rousing rendition of this sentimental Scottish song will cause general hilarity, especially if plenty of whisky has been consumed (make sure to circulate the words, which no one can actually remember!).
Tartan Tips
In the spirit of Robbie Burns, wear at least a bit of tartan – a hat, a tie, a scarf, or even a full kilt. In Robbie Burn’s day this traditional Highland woven cloth, whose pattern identified individual clan affiliations, had fallen into disuse. The British government had banned tartan after the Battle of Culloden in 1746, aiming to crush the rebellious Scottish clan system. Tartan was revived in 1825 when George IV visited Edinburgh, but many of the traditional patterns had been lost, and new ‘original’ tartans had to be reinvented. The Victorians had a passion for all things Scottish, and tartan became hugely popular. Today, it is a symbol of Scottish pride, and therefore a suitable choice for an event honouring Scotland’s most celebrated poet.
The Bill o’Fare
A typical Burns supper consists of the following:
Starter
Cock-a-leekie (chicken, leek and prune soup)
Main course
Haggis (cooked, minced sheep’s offal mixed with suet, oatmeal and seasoning encased in a sheep’s stomach), neeps and tatties (swedes and potatoes)
Pudding
Clootie Dumpling (a spiced fruit pudding boiled in cloth, or clootie) or Tipsy Laird (a Scottish sherry trifle).
Cheeseboard
Served with bannocks (oatcakes) accompanied by wine, ale and lashings of whisky.
Good manners are not about empty gestures, arcane rituals or social exclusivity. They are about being self-aware, keenly observant of other people, and ensuring that all your social interactions are positive and agreeable.
While we respect the etiquette of days gone by, and inevitably retain vestiges of the social codes that were religiously observed by previous generations, it is essential to recognise that we live in a rapidly changing society. The drawn-out, leisurely rituals of greetings, introductions and small talk enjoyed by our ancestors have been diminished and streamlined in our connected, dynamic modern world. Our myriad means of communication – from texts, to emails, to FaceTime – have curtailed the old-fashioned niceties, and we have all had to develop ways of using new technology considerately, and not allowing its speed and convenience to eradicate simple courtesy.
In an increasingly informal society, where hierarchies are not invariably acknowledged and respect is frequently earned, behaviour has been moderated. Many of the social faux-pas of a bygone generation would scarcely cause a raised eyebrow today. At a time when social standing was minutely calibrated and corroborated by every nuance of behaviour, manners were crucial attributes, which were constantly assessed and evaluated. These judgments are increasingly out of place in today’s society, but the positive benefits of good manners are still universally recognised.
There is no denying that the basic ‘toolkit’ of good manners – from saying please and thank you, to graciously introducing people, and making polite small talk – still plays a vital role in human communication. These common courtesies oil the wheels of social intercourse, ensuring that everyone is noted and acknowledged, and that nobody feels dismissed or discounted.
Despite the increasing informality of society, there are undoubtedly still occasions, such as weddings or white tie dinners, when we rely on well-established conventions to give the events gravitas. At Debrett’s we want to ensure that nobody will ever feel cowed by social anxiety or uncertainty. By providing comprehensive guidance on all kinds of formal events, we hope to equip everyone with the information they will need to negotiate the rituals of answering invitations, adhering to dress codes, and attending a formal dinner.
Good manners are of paramount importance in every aspect of our lives, from our most significant rituals to our mundane, everyday interactions. They will help us to navigate any difficulties that come our way, smooth out conflict, and gloss over social awkwardness. Far from being outdated or outmoded, they are a vital survival tool.
There is no better time to review your diet than in January, when you find yourself caught up in the sickly aftermath of carnivorous Christmas excess, replete with resolutions to moderate your intake in the new year, and choose the healthy, rather than the hedonistic, path.
Veganuary’s annual campaign works with businesses to improve provision of vegan food in shops and restaurants, and inspires people to go vegan for the month of January. They aim to create a global movement that campaigns for compassionate food choices and ends animal farming.
Many of us will be inspired by this mission (and indeed for some of us it may be the beginning of a life-long adherence to veganism). But it is important to be conscious of the impact your regime is having on other people, and to ensure that you are not inconveniencing them.
Vegans abstain from all animal by-products – dairy and eggs as well as meat and fish – and this can certainly give rise to catering challenges. If you are hosting a vegan in the coming weeks, bear in mind that many supermarkets now offer vegan substitutes, and there are a plethora of simple, and delicious, vegan recipes available online, so it is well worth making the effort to accommodate their dietary choices. You might even find your preconceptions and prejudices about vegan food are overturned.
If you are experimenting with veganism, ensure that you warn your hosts that you are doing so well before you arrive for lunch or dinner. A careless ‘oh, didn’t I tell you that I’ve gone vegan in January?’ as you’re confronted by a lovingly-prepared Sunday roast with all the trimmings, will inevitably upset your hosts, and may well send them into a panic. It doesn’t matter how much you protest that you’re happy with the roast vegetables, they will feel that they have fallen short as hosts, even though it is clearly not their fault.
When you do forewarn hosts, it is a good idea to offer them a simple alternative. Explain that you’re eating vegan food, and say ‘but don’t worry about me – I’d be really happy with a vegan ready meal’. It’s very unlikely that you will be offered a ready meal, but it will ensure that the hosts don’t feel too pressurised by your dietary requirements, probably feeling ‘I can do better than that’.
Resist the temptation to lecture or virtue-signal. The unkind characterisations of vegans as holier-than-thou mouthpieces for their cause is less prevalent nowadays, but if you are experimenting with veganism resist the urge to take the moral high ground or to convert others with too much zeal. On the other hand, you should marshal your facts and be ready to defend and explain your choices if people are interested in your diet, or want to challenge or provoke you.
If you genuinely feel that veganism has done you a power of good, then you will naturally be the best ambassador for the cause, and your healthy glow will need no further explanation.
