If you’re finding communication a bit challenging at the moment, you're not alone. Between endless Zoom meetings, WhatsApp chats and work emails, there seem to be more ways to talk than ever.

But with so many demands on our time and attention, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. Whether it's a shouty message group you could do without, or yet another virtual social engagement you'd prefer to swerve, we've got some advice for overcoming five communication challenges affecting many of us right now:

1.) The interminable Zoom call

How do you conclude a video call when you clearly have nowhere else to be? Many of us will have been secretly disappointed when Zoom lifted its 40-minute time limit: that five-minute countdown was the ultimate get-out clause.

If you sense it’s time to draw a meeting or chat to a close, the chances are that others do too. In a work scenario, you could offer to send a summary and next steps by email, while thanking others for their time. On a social call, a friendly ‘It’s been so great to catch up’ or ‘Thank you for suggesting a call’ will usually do the trick.

2.) The incessant virtual invitations

It’s bingo with friends one night and a family quiz the next – not to mention that Zoom wedding you’re attending on Saturday. Far from dampening our social lives, lockdown seems to have enhanced them. But if drinks-by-laptop don’t quite cut it for you, or you’re just not feeling that sociable, how can you decline an invitation without offending the organiser?

It’s fine to be honest and say that you’re lying low for a bit but will catch up properly soon. Alternatively, you could invent another engagement – there’s no need to go into specifics (just remember whatever it is you’ve invented, and remember to be ‘unavailable’ when you said you were going to be).

As for virtual weddings, baby showers and birthday parties, you’ll just have to dig deep (and dig out your best outfit) and get involved. Your friends are likely to be disappointed not to be celebrating their special day as planned, so the least you can do is make an effort. That means turning up on time and staying until the end, just as you would in person.

3.) The passive-aggressive work email thread

Many of us are feeling underproductive right now, and when business is slow it’s easy to become defensive or blame others. Email is not the best medium for diplomacy, so if you’re worried that inter-colleague communication is becoming a little prickly, pick up the phone instead. Hearing someone’s voice humanises them, and you’re less likely to be snarky or snide. And guaranteed, you’ll resolve whatever issue you were discussing much more quickly than through endless written back-and-forths.

4.) The neighbourhood WhatsApp group

You don’t need to be reminded that it’s Clap for Carers night again, and you’ve already seen that hilarious TikTok video thank you very much. Nor are you much interested in your neighbours’ online shopping dramas or fruitless searches for flour.

One word: mute. If your WhatsApp groups are filling your phone with unwanted drama, you’re entitled to ignore them. Pressing the ‘mute’ option allows you to take back control – without the controversy-causing act of actually leaving the group.

5.) The radio silence

It’s the email that goes unanswered for several weeks, or the text message left awkwardly hanging without a reply. On the flipside of compulsive over-communicating seems to be a tendency for ignoring contact right now.

Let’s face it, life – and communication – are weird at the moment, and you can’t blame others for dropping the ball occasionally. In a work exchange, someone may have been furloughed without your knowledge, or may be juggling multiple responsibilities from home. Try not to take it personally; instead, leave it a week or so (a couple of days will suffice for a text message) before sending a polite follow-up. If you still don’t hear anything, move on. You can always check in again when all this is over…

Anything to add? Leave a comment below.

Between the ongoing restrictions on our time outdoors, and the need to maintain social distance, your daily exercise or trips to the supermarket might lead you to feel anxious and uncertain. This, in turn, can mean that normal levels of courtesy and consideration are neglected.

So what's the new etiquette for venturing outside? Here’s our advice for keeping calm and courteous, whether you’re shopping, exercising, or out and about in public:

• Make way for others: confused about who has right of way? Avoid the game of chicken before one of you eventually steps into the road by being the first to move aside (assuming no oncoming traffic, of course). Particular consideration should be shown to wheelchair users, the elderly or infirm, and those with buggies or small children.
• Exercise (with) caution: if you’re out jogging or cycling, it will be harder for others to get out of your way in time. The onus is on you to ensure you’re allowing them enough space. Alternatively, save your exercise hour for the early morning or evening when it’s likely to be quieter.
• Say thank you: our instinct is to feel slighted if someone avoids us, but at the moment it’s the polite thing to do, so thank anyone who gets out of your way. Similarly, remember to thank shop staff and delivery drivers. Now, more than ever, they deserve our gratitude.
• Be patient: many shops, post offices and supermarkets are running a limited service, and queueing is therefore inevitable. Be patient and channel your inner calm: getting frustrated will only exacerbate the tension. Don’t be tempted to queue-jump or move forward prematurely, and don’t reach in front of someone for an item: wait for them to finish browsing first.
• Smile: it’s an anxious time, and as we all become less accustomed to venturing outside, we might feel inclined to avoid eye contact and stare at the pavement. Spread a little positivity by smiling (or, if you’re wearing a mask, nodding hello) to those you pass – from a suitably safe distance, of course.

We are living through a time of enormous uncertainty, and nowhere more so than in the world of work. If, like many people, you are physically separated from your colleagues at the moment, maintaining morale and communicating effectively can be a challenge.

But you owe it to them to make this period as productive for the business – and painless for them – as possible. Debrett's Academy director Rupert Wesson shares some advice for leading from a distance:

• Be visible and available. Things are tricky right now, but you can help everyone by talking honestly and openly. Take time to talk about how the business is responding, and address individuals’ concerns on a personal level where possible. When any arise that you don’t know the answer to, be honest and show that you have listened and understood. Most importantly, although you will undoubtedly be dealing with more stress and anxiety than before, this shouldn’t be communicated to, or taken out on, your team.
• Find out how your team are coping. It is important to understand what circumstances your team are operating in. Are they at home alone, or with family? What are their responsibilities as carer or childminder? Are they ill or self-isolating? Knowing a little bit about people outside of work will help you to be a better, more supportive leader.
  
• Be flexible. The current circumstances mean that this is not working from home as we knew it. Some of your team will be balancing their day job with being teachers and carers, naturally putting a strain on their time. If you are prepared to be flexible, they will be too. Find out what time works best for calls and meetings, and anticipate possible interruptions or distractions from small children.
• Be careful how you communicate. While it's no longer possible to speak to team members in person, be wary of relying on email if you're having to discuss a sensitive issue or deliver constructive criticism. Email can be a blunt instrument when it comes to expressing anything difficult or contentious, so schedule a call instead. You can always follow up by email if you need written confirmation of what has been discussed.
• Stay busy. Aim to keep your team busy, but not pointlessly so. Once you have collectively identified your goals, allow the team to have a say in working out their own agenda. If they have identified tasks that will support the business, ask them about their outputs and timelines. Find out if they need any assistance from you along the way, and offer direction to those who find this challenging. Don’t allow your own stress to transform you into a dictator or micro-manager (or both), which will be emotionally draining and unproductive for everyone involved.
• Finally, try not to worry. Plan for the future of your team or business in a way that is realistic and honest. The best bosses are pragmatic optimists. Be positive and remember to recognise the achievements and resilience of team members under such difficult and unusual circumstances.

Working from home means more and more of us are communicating with colleagues and clients via video call.

But what if you have to give a presentation or deliver a webinar on camera? An already daunting prospect becomes even more so when you throw in technical challenges and distance from your audience.

Here, Debrett’s Academy director Rupert Wesson has some advice for maintaining your professionalism when presenting from home, while DOP Jonny Pollard provides guidance on lighting, sound and set-up.

Rupert says:

• Look the part: If you’re presenting to prospective clients, wear something suitably formal for an office environment. You might be able to dress down for meetings, but keep it professional and avoid sportswear, loungewear or nightwear (at least as far as is visible).
• Be prepared: give yourself an extra five minutes before the meeting or presentation to log on, test your camera and mic and resolve any glitches.
• Pause: pausing will give you time to think, breathe and relax a little.  It will also give the audience a chance to reflect on what you are saying and to ask any questions.
• Minimise distractions: if seeing your own image on screen makes you self-conscious, keep it out of your eyeline and concentrate on your audience instead. It might help to imagine that they are directly in front of you, rather than focusing on a screen full of faces.
• Adapt your body language: remain animated but not manically so – it’s best to keep physical gestures subtle but confident, and hands relaxed. If you’re seated, sit up straight but don’t be too rigid.  Standing is arguably easier for feeling at ease – just don’t wander off camera.
• Break it up: if you’re presenting slides, break up the presentation by cutting back to yourself. This might feel uncomfortable but will be more interesting than slide after slide of information read aloud to your audience.

 Jonny says:

From a visual point of view, it’s important to look as professional as you can. Clearly with a tiny in-built camera there is a limit to the quality – it’s never going to look like a studio broadcast – but here are some quick solutions that will vastly improve the on-camera experience:

1. Lighting is everything.The single most common mistake I see on Zoom calls and presentations is people sitting or standing in front of a window. The camera on your computer is fully automatic, so it brings down its iris for the vast amount of light it is seeing and makes you look very dark. Instead, try facing the window so that natural light is on you and your face, or point a lamp towards you. Ideally, place the lamp above eyeline and behind the computer so it points towards your face.
2. Angles are important. If your camera is below your eye line, it will not be flattering. Use a box or anything available to raise the screen so the webcam is level with your hair line. Centre yourself in the image, and distance yourself from the camera so you can see from the top of your head down to your chest. A shot with just your head can be too intense for your audience.
3. Set the scene Keep your background simple and clear of mess, and make sure it’s quiet. Background noise is so disruptive to a call. If you can’t prevent any background noise, be sure to mute yourself when not talking.

www.jonnypollard.co.uk

Read more: Rupert Wesson reveals the golden rule of public speaking.

Suddenly spending a lot of time in video calls? With a quarter of the world now 'in lockdown', the video conference is fast replacing the in-person meeting. And whatever your seniority, the associated technological – and social – challenges are proving be a great leveller. Here's our countdown of the top 10 most awkward things about video calling. Have you experienced any of these over the last couple of weeks?

1.) The pre-chat: when people are slowly joining the call and you’re stuck small-talking with one or two others.

2.) The dodgy Wifi delay: when one participant's screen freezes in a less-than flattering pose.

3.) The shouter: when somebody feels they have to bellow to make themselves heard.

4.) Unwelcome interruptions (from your toddler, cat or spaniel).

5.) Regrettable background noises: the aforementioned toddler repeatedly screaming 'MUMMY!' at the top of their lungs while you're presenting your budget for the next quarter.

6.) The multi-speak: people talking over each other for extended periods before they realise there's someone else speaking at the same time.

7.) The invisible (wo)man: the participant who mysteriously keeps their video turned off, leaving a black square where their face should be.

8.) Weirdly precise meeting start times: when a company profile on Teams or Webex is so overloaded that you can’t get online at popular times, so you have to kick off your meeting at 11.07 instead of 11

9.) The longwinded wrap-up: the challenge of ending a call when you have nowhere else to be. Saying ‘I’ve got to run’ doesn’t really cut it when everyone knows you’re working from home.

10.) The irresistible urge to wave goodbye at the end of the call.

Anything to add? Share your experience in the comments section below.

At an already tense time, sharing a space with others – whether flatmates or family – can become challenging. As the Debrett's team makes the move to remote working, our senior business development manager Dan Scothern shares some thoughts on how to approach staying at home so that your relationships survive and thrive:

1. Respect people’s space – Dominating communal spaces or monopolising particular items (such as the TV or phone) is likely to chip away at any healthy household dynamics. If more than one of you are working from home, it's best to assign individual workspaces and perhaps implement additional measures so that the house can operate as normally as possible.

 2. Preserve others' privacy – Extended periods of social interaction (even before social distancing) can be tiring, and as much as it is important to support each other, friends, housemates and partners should still be allowed to have their expected level of privacy and downtime. If your housemate decides to work in their bedroom for a morning instead of sharing the living room with you, it’s (probably) nothing personal – more likely, they’re just taking some time for themselves. 

3. Be considerate – For those working from home, consideration could be as simple as making yourself scarce for half and hour while your housemate takes an important video call, or offering to make your partner a cup of tea. It's important to remember compassion too - especially if those you live with are separated from loved ones or feeling anxious.

4. Be understanding – This is uncharted territory for all of us, and there will be times where tensions run high and patience wears thin. Though emotions may be close to the surface, understand that different people will react in different ways, so let minor gripes (like a housemate using the last drop of milk) go. Like all things, “this too shall pass”, and if we’re able to get through this crisis without tearing each others' heads off, our friendships and relationships will be stronger for it.

 5. Communicate – Whether it’s a family or a friendship group, the majority of issues can be avoided (or certainly diluted) by simply communicating. That’s not to say that all tact goes out of the window, but bottling up your frustrations will only exacerbate them. Try to avoid being passive and deal with any issues head-on and as they arise, and you should be fine.

In the space of only a few weeks, the impact of the coronavirus outbreak has been felt around the world. Increasingly, individuals are taking the precaution of avoiding skin-on-skin contact when greeting others. Last week we saw Angela Merkel’s offer of a handshake rather publicly rejected by her interior minister, while Dutch prime minister Mark Rutte broke his own rule when he instinctively shook hands with a senior health official following a press conference on Tuesday.

Uncertainty over the right approach at this equally uncertain time can lead to both parties in a business interaction feeling awkward, marring that all-important first impression on a client.

So assuming you’re still taking a ‘business as usual’ approach to business meetings, what is the best way to greet people? Here are three pointers to bear in mind:

1.) Take your lead from the other person

If you are still comfortable shaking hands, wait to see what the other person does and follow suit. If he or she goes in for the shake, keep your grasp firm and confident as you would usually. If the other person seems reluctant to shake hands (or if you are), a smile, nod and friendly verbal greeting will usually be adequate substitutes.

2.) Address the issue head-on

Awkwardness can be assuaged by mentioning the current situation at the outset. Saying something like ‘Shall we adhere to best practice and avoid a handshake?’ will acknowledge the issue and smooth the interaction.

3.) Smile!

A smile will project a message of warmth and welcome, and helps to lessen any feeling of offence caused by a rejected physical greeting. That said, be wary of smiling too much in certain countries, including Russia and Ukraine, where it could undermine your authority.

Have you ever instinctively responded 'sorry' when someone else bumped into you? Or written a message to someone starting 'Sorry to bother you'? We know the importance and impact of a heartfelt apology when it's warranted, but needless over-apologising can undermine our impact and authority, especially in the workplace.

So how can you get out of the apology habit? Try these four tips:

1. Pause first

If you find the word 'sorry' tripping off your tongue before you've even had time to consider what you're apologising for, take a pause. Think about why you're saying sorry, and whether or not you really need to.

2. Say thank you instead

If someone does you a favour, thank them rather than apologising for having caused them inconvenience. This also recognises their good deed as an act of kindness rather than one of obligation.

3. Watch out for implied apologies

Phrases such as 'I'm afraid', 'unfortunately' or even 'can I just' all serve as self-effacing language modifiers, giving the impression that you are uncertain or lack conviction. Before you send an email, go back and delete these, and gradually start eliminating them from your speech as well.

4. Know what deserves an apology

You don't have to apologise for sending an email, making a phone call, politely asking a colleague to complete a task, or for disagreeing with somebody else's opinion. You do have to apologise for being late, spilling red wine on a friend's pristine carpet, or for giving away a major plot twist in Game of Thrones.

Valentine's Day is apparently the second most popular date in the year for proposals to take place, so if a significant piece of jewellery is soon going to be burning a hole in your pocket, we've got a few pointers to make sure the moment is memorable for all the right reasons.

1.) Make it personal

Whether it's the scene of your first date, a significant anniversary or a shared hobby, make your proposal personal by incorporating what matters to you both. Equally, avoid anything your partner really won't enjoy: sinking to one knee at the top of the Eiffel Tower might seem romantic, but is less than ideal if he or she suffers from a debilitating fear of heights.

2.) Beware the public proposal

Proposing in a public place is fun, right? There's the awed silence as a crowd gathers to observe the scene, followed by rapturous applause when your partner accepts. Well, in theory – but a highly public proposal could put pressure on the other person to say yes just to save your blushes, even if they have misgivings. If you are going to propose in public, try to find a quiet moment so that you can celebrate – or not – privately before letting others know your news.

3.) Don't overcomplicate it

We get it: there's nothing more romantic than an all-day treasure hunt that leads to a ring concealed inside an ostrich egg buried in volcanic ash at the foot of Mount Fuji. But overcomplicate your proposal and you risk being too wrapped up in the logistics to enjoy the moment itself. By all means plan a memorable experience, but remember that 'memorable' could mean proposing over a bottle of champagne at home on the sofa.

4.) Record the moment... within reason

It's a life-changing event, and you'll understandably want a record of it for posterity. Just make sure the method of making one isn't too intrusive. Thrusting a smartphone into your partner's face to film their reply, or having a professional photographer spring out from behind a bush as they burst into tears of joy, might be overkill...

5.) Prepare to share the news

Before you post the above-mentioned photo or video on social media, share the news in person with your family and close friends. They will appreciate hearing about it from you first-hand, and their undoubted delight will make your celebrations even more special.

Somewhere between a third and half of us are introverts, according to Susan Cain's book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. So how do we navigate this time of year, when it can feel as if every day brings a new social challenge - whether it's your office Christmas party or a gathering for New Year? Our Academy Director Rupert Wesson has some advice for surviving silly season.

1.) Remember you're not alone

Many people feel apprehensive about social gatherings, so take comfort (and perhaps some confidence) from the knowledge that others will be as uncomfortable as you.

2.) Go in a spirit of curiosity

You don’t have to be a master raconteur or the best conversationalist to make a great impression.  Just go with a desire to learn a little more about the other guests, and ask questions. Generally, people enjoy nothing more than talking about themselves.

3.) Prepare some opening lines

These can be as simple as a polite 'Lovely to meet you' and 'How do you know the host'? Having a few stock lines up your sleeve will help you get off to a confident start.

4.) Take the time to learn people’s names 

Being able to use someone’s name when you have only just met them) is a great courtesy and makes you sound more confident.  Not knowing their name can put you on the back foot.

5.) Move, mix and mingle

Try to avoid monopolising the same person or group of people to whom you feel comfortable speaking. Make an effort to meet new people: introduce others to the group or ask to be introduced to people you don't know.

6.) Try to look pleased to be there

Making a conscious effort to smile will help you to relax and make you seem more approachable.

7.) Remember no one is looking at you!

You may feel a little self-conscious walking into a room full of people, but the reality is that we rarely take as much notice of each other as we might think.

8.) Don’t sneak away at the first opportunity

Stay until your discomfort subsides and you may find you actually start to enjoy yourself. Make sure you personally thank your host before departing.