Competitive spirit is a powerful urge to win, an indispensable attribute of athletes and sporting heroes everywhere. Whether you are a top-flight professional, a club player, or simply someone that kicks around a football in the park every Saturday morning with a bunch of mates, it is competitive spirit that infuses the sport with urgency, passion and commitment.
But, as with so many character traits, it can be a dangerous force when it is unbridled or extreme. It is easy to tip over into full-blown obsession, dangerous levels of self-castigation, and a treacherous propensity to undermine and mock opponents.
With roots in the Latin word competere, which means to meet or come together, competition is ideally about striving together for excellence or perfection, not about seeking to dominate, conquer or eliminate opponents. Legendary sporting rivalries between teams and individuals embody this spirit, and with it inevitably comes a respect and admiration for opponents, who are honoured rather than degraded.
It is all too easy for coaches, team managers, trainers and fans to whip up the competitive spirit, urging the competitors on, first and foremost, to win. This is scarcely a surprising aspiration, but in the aftermath of a famous victory it is always enlightening to take a close look at the behaviour of the competitors.
Was their behaviour sportsmanlike? Were they magnanimous in victory and gracious in defeat? Did they strut in triumph or sulk morosely when they lost? Did they accept the decisions of referees, umpires and linesmen with good grace, with no arguing or dispute? Were they civil to spectators and supporters or did they berate them for their lack of enthusiasm? Did they demonstrate respect to their opponents, before and after the event? Or did they demonise and bad-mouth them, creating a poisonous atmosphere outside the competitive cauldron?
Sport can push us to our limits, sometimes to breaking point. We’ve all witnessed the unedifying spectacle of international competitors wrestling unsuccessfully with adversity, ranting and raving, talking to themselves, screaming at anyone who’ll listen. Nobody would argue that this sort of personality breakdown is the price we have to pay for sporting success, so how do we harness the force of competitiveness for positive ends?
• Effective competitors are able to compartmentalise their behaviour – unleashing their formidable will, intensity and energy in the arena, but equally capable of being laid-back and easy-going the rest of the time.
• Competitors need to handle both winning and losing in order to foster their competitive spirit. Winning should spur them on to greater ambitions – consistent victories, record-breaking feats. Losing should drive them to intense self-scrutiny – analysing their shortcomings or weaknesses rather than blaming their opponents (or the crowd, stadium, weather, coach etc), and creating a strategy for eliminating them in the future.
• True competitors do not even need an opponent other than themselves. Their focus is always on their own performance, their own level of fitness, how they have improved their results over time. All their achievements contribute to a strong sense of self-confidence, which they then carry into the competitive arena.
• Setting goals – to improve fitness, break records or achieve great victories– and adhering to them, is how true competitors silence any niggling sense of self-doubt.
Of course, competitive spirit is not just about sport, and we are all encouraged to harness it, academically and professionally, in the great race to get ahead. But is it sometimes dangerous to be too competitive – both in sport and in everyday life?
• If your sense of competition is motivated by powerful feelings of jealousy and envy, you may well feel impelled to win, but the negativity surrounding your motivation will leave you feeling jaded and disappointed. Try and find more inspirational reasons for succeeding.
• The will to win can become so strong that you become obsessive. This state of blinkered single-mindedness may render you completely blind to other people, as everything becomes subordinated to your goal. Your behaviour will inevitably deteriorate as a result, and people close to you will feel sidelined.
• If the way in which you value yourself is by your achievements, then any failure can have a disastrous impact on your feelings of self-worth. You need to see the drive to succeed as a motivational force, but not as a defining aspect of your character.
• Constantly remind yourself about why you are competing and what you are competing for. Sometimes the momentum of the drive to succeed is completely overwhelming, and just takes over. This can leave you feeling disillusioned, wondering what happened to your goals and dreams.
• The 'winner takes it all' mentality can be very detrimental to your ability to cope with real-life situations, where you are required to work cooperatively in teams, live in harmonious, mutually-supportive families, and progress side-by-side with your peers. If your competitiveness means that you can no longer be a constructive team player, you may have gone too far.
The traditional practice of withdrawing from the world when the front door was closed has completely disappeared. Mobile phones have revolutionised relationships, opening up multiple channels of communication, which allow us easy access to friends and contacts at any time of the day or night.
As work and social lives blend together, we find ourselves, and other people, increasingly available and the concept of the working day is becoming more and more elastic. With the upsurge in working from home, we may find ourselves sitting at our computers in our pyjamas at ungodly hours because we are confronted by a pressing deadline or simply because we concentrate better when the rest of the world is sleeping.
But however flexible our own days may have become, we must at least concede that this is not inevitably the case for other people. School days and office hours still adhere, more or less, to the traditional 9-5 timetable and it is generally accepted that it is inconsiderate to text or make calls late at night – for most people this means after 9pm.
The main reason for this is that people start to wind down by mid-evening and it is therefore rude to jerk them out of their pre-sleep routine, unless you have a very good reason. Many people find it hard to resist answering texts, and engaging in a text dialogue late at night is over-stimulating. We’re all very aware of good sleep hygiene these days and it is generally agreed that it is a bad idea to look at screens late at night, so why inflict your bad texting habits on other people? Of course there are exceptions to this rule – if you’re a real night owl and you have a friend who is similarly insomniac then you may well have an agreement between you that late-night texting is acceptable.
In general, it’s very poor workplace culture to assume that sending texts to colleagues after 9pm is acceptable. If that begins to happen, you may find yourself in a vicious circle where you feel obliged to answer your boss’s late-night texts because you fear that otherwise you’re not looking fully engaged. This is really pernicious – it is much better to let employees and colleagues disengage entirely from work late at night. With a few exceptions, nobody should be on duty 24/7.
For most people, late-night texts and calls mean one of two things: they have been ambushed by an inconsiderate friend or colleague or, much more worryingly, there is bad news about friends or family that cannot wait until morning. Most of us recognise the rush of anxiety and dread you experience when you’re woken by your phone late at night – you certainly don’t want to inflict that needlessly. While, in theory, it is possible to avoid late night disturbance by meticulously turning your phone to silent, you may still be bothered by vibrations or the screen lighting up on your bedside table and find the temptation to check out the latest updates irresistible.
If you feel the urge to text late at night, resist it. It is much more thoughtful to wait until morning (after 8am is a good general guideline, though you might want to leave it an hour or two later at weekends).
Our phones make us perpetually accessible, but always being on-call can become very stressful. Avoiding nighttime calls is considerate, because you’re recognising the need that everyone has to de-compress and switch off.
Tales of aberrant social behaviour amongst tourists abroad seem to be multiplying – from the American visitors who threw an e-scooter down the Spanish Steps in Rome, causing thousands of pounds worth of damage, to the everyday tales of rowdiness and drunkenness, skinny dipping and wearing swimwear in restaurants.
The difficulties seem to be most acute when it comes to flying. We’re all aware of the chaos and cancellations that have benighted the summer tourist season all over Europe, so it is quite probable that travellers are already feeling frazzled and over-emotional when they board the plane and these feelings are compounded by a liberal intake of alcohol from the drinks trolley. Mask mandates on airlines are becoming increasingly hard to enforce, and there have been scenes of violent disorder and disturbance on some aeroplanes where hotheaded holidaymakers have taken objection to the airlines’ policy and have had no compunction about protesting and disrupting the flight. All this before they even arrive at their holiday destinations…
Clearly people see holidays as a chance to let their hair down and behave with uninhibited abandon, ignoring cultural expectations and local rules and regulations. This tendency has become more acute since the pandemic – many of us haven’t had a holiday for more than two years, and we have spent much of that time in a strangely reduced world, where our social contacts and obligations have been forcibly curtailed. It is scarcely surprising, therefore, that we have forgotten how to behave in tourist hotspots, and are easily swept along by a dizzy sense of excitement and newfound freedom. The anonymity of being in a foreign land, well away from the restraining influence of home where our behaviour is monitored by friends, family and neighbours, can lead us to behave in ways that are entirely out of character.
Because, for many of us, the last two years have been fraught with difficulties, stress and heartache, we feel that we are now fully entitled to have a really good time, whatever the cost. This dubious sense of entitlement is problematic, as it blinds us to the fact that we may well be transgressing social norms in our holiday destinations, and causing offence to our hosts.
It is surely not too much to ask that we respect our hosts, moderate our behaviour and do our best not to treat foreign destinations as inviting playgrounds where nothing is off-limits. Nobody wants to end their long-awaited holiday being treated as a social pariah, or even being forced to pay fines for unruly behaviour or criminal damage. To avoid this unpleasant fate, follow our simple steps to becoming a responsible tourist:
• Check local laws and customs before you travel, to ensure that you do not unwittingly transgress local norms. Remember these may cover a wide range, from appropriate dress to table manners and behaviour in places of worship. (Find out more here)
• Demonstrate your willingness to respect local life and culture by learning a few phrases in the local language – you should certainly learn basics like “Good morning”, “please” and “thank you”. Do not assume everybody can speak English, and always politely ask locals if they speak English before you address them in your own language.
• Embrace the host culture by trying local food and drinks. Approach everything with an open-minded and positive spirit, ask for recommendations, and always show your gratitude and appreciation.
• If you are enjoying a beach holiday, always remember that there are many local people who live and work in the vicinity of your tourist resort. They may well be offended if you turn up in beachwear, or bare-chested and barefoot, in places such as banks, local supermarkets or non-seaside bars and restaurants.
• Visiting a foreign country is always an eye-opening experience and it is great fun to explore, especially if you venture beyond the well-worn tourist attractions. But don’t let your sense of curiosity lead you into unwittingly trespassing on private property. Be reticent about venturing into places that are not obviously open to the public, and always ask a local first.
• One of the great attractions of foreign holidays is the rich legacy of ancient sites and historic architecture that is on offer. Always treat antiquities with respect: follow instructions from custodians, don’t stray into roped-off areas, obey signs about photography and picnicking, never leave litter.
• There are some places you can visit where your hosts will encourage pure hedonism, ply you with ridiculously strong drinks, invite you to all-night parties, applaud your drunken antics and even tend your hangover the following morning. That is their choice. But in the vast majority of destinations, rowdiness and drunkenness are at best grudgingly tolerated. So think carefully before you book, and choose a resort that is well-aligned with your holiday aspirations. That way, neither you or your hosts will be disappointed.
• Keep a sense of perspective, and try and be as flexible and accommodating as possible. Things will inevitably go wrong – there will be cancellations or transport delays, mix-ups over hotel rooms or arguments over car hire. Do your best to maintain a calm and friendly demeanour – you’re a guest in a foreign country, so make sure you’re a good one.
17th July is World Emoji Day and we’re celebrating these handy little icons with a new guide to Emoji Etiquette.
In the early 1980s ‘emoticons’ were created using the existing punctuation, letters and numbers on the keyboard, to evoke humour or irony. Emojis were the next step: they first appeared in Japan in the late 1990s – the word ‘emoji’ comes from the Japanese ‘e’ (picture) and ‘moji’ (character).
These handy little pictographs soon spread worldwide, and eventually they were recognised by the Unicode Consortium and were included on all digital devices. They have continued to evolve and there are now over 3,500 to choose from, including a range of symbols, avatars, miscellaneous objects and human expressions and gestures.
Emojis are used to signal an emotion in a digital communication, and as such are usually positioned after the relevant text that they are enhancing. In a world of instant, fast and, inevitably, pithy communication, they can act as a useful adjunct, signalling a range of emotions, including humour, irony, frustration, sympathy and anger. They are also a good way of instantly creating a positive mood, often using symbols as a rueful way of relaying dreary, everyday updates (eg being delayed due to transport disruption).
They are so popular because text-based digital communication, whilst it has the advantages of speed and accessibility, is deficient when it comes to cues such as body language or tone of voice, which are such an important element of conversation.
Many of us love these handy little pictograms, enjoy browsing through the menu and finding new designs, use them liberally, and get real satisfaction when we find one that is entirely apposite. But when is it appropriate to use them, and can they cause offence? Our etiquette experts have created the following guidelines:
• Most people will use emojis in personal texts but, even if you are an avid fan of these useful little icons, it’s important to always be aware of the recipient. You might find, if you are texting an older person, that their tolerance for pictographic communication is quite limited, and it would therefore be a good idea to rein in the emojis.
• If you don’t know the recipient of your text very well, be cautious about using emojis, as they might think that you’re not taking the discussion seriously.
• Emoticons first evolved to indicate that the writer was ‘just kidding’, and emojis still carry that humorous legacy. They are therefore entirely inappropriate if you are dealing with bad news, when sympathy and sensitivity are called for.
• Never use emojis as a cop out, a lazy way of conveying a complex message that would be better communicated in words.
• If you are going online to review a site or service, think carefully about using emojis. A smiley face or thumbs up might be an upbeat end to a positive review, but you really do owe the service providers a more detailed and nuanced critique, and you can only provide that with well thought-out words and sentences. If your review is negative, then you certainly need to provide a more constructive response than a scowling emoji, which could well damage a business.
• Never use emojis when communicating with professionals such as lawyers, accountants, or doctors – you will come across as flaky.
• If you’re communicating with close colleagues at work in a non-formal way, it is fine to use emojis, as you would with friends, but do not use them in any email correspondence that is likely to find its way to managers or clients.
• If, in your working life, you deal with clients, customers or providers, do not use emojis. If they choose to use them, you can follow their lead and reciprocate, but be very careful about your choice of emojis, as you don’t want to come across as unprofessional.
• Do not use emojis when communicating with your boss or senior management (unless you work in a very casual environment).
• Be aware that the use of emojis in professional communications can be misleading. While many of us think that adding a smiley face at the end of an email or WhatsApp message looks friendly, researches at Ben Gurion University of the Negev have revealed that recipients do not read the emoji as a sign of warmth, but instead see it a signal of incompetence.
• If you are writing critical comments, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that a smiley or winky face will mitigate them, especially in a professional context. It is likely to cause irritation or confusion, so rely on impersonal, well-chosen words – no emotional gloss is needed.
• Whenever you feel the urge to use an emoji, especially in the world of work, see it as an urgent reminder to check your writing. You may well find that what you want to say can be much more clearly and elegantly expressed in a few well-chosen words.
As Britain swelters in the current heatwave, we are sparing a thought for the legions of workers who are forced to contend with uniform regulations and dress codes that are excruciatingly uncomfortable when the mercury rises.
While there are some places of work, particularly in the financial and legal sectors, that are implacably opposed to relaxing their dress codes, even in our increasingly frequent hot summers, there is a new flexibility in the workplace. This is partly to do with hybrid working practices, which are breaking down the old 9 to 5 rigidity and seeing offices as places which function best when employees’ needs are accommodated.
Nevertheless, there are quite clear demarcations between clothes that are suitable for the home and beach and office-wear, even in hot weather. As a general rule, never wear anything to the office that can be construed as beachwear – that includes vests, strappy tops, crop tops, kaftans, short shorts or flip-flops. Work clothes should enhance your aura of competence and professionalism, especially if you are in contact with clients and customers, not make you look like a laid-back beach bunny.
For some people, wearing casual clothes is counter-productive. Psychologically, they feel more work-focused in formal office clothes, and fear that a super-relaxed look will go hand-in-hand with sloppy work practices.
A compromise, which looks smart but is also comfortable, is certainly possible, so follow our recommendations below. It goes without saying that you will need to be acutely aware of your workplace culture, and check whether your choices are acceptable with your managers.
While there is a growing spirit of compromise in relation to workplace dressing, occasions on which formal dress codes are de rigueur are still an issue, especially for men, who will inevitably find themselves buttoned up in stifling, tailored clothing. White tie, black tie, and morning dress (the blight of hot summer weddings) are fixed dress codes, and there really is no room for ‘interpretation’ if you are requested to comply. All you can do is wait for the point in proceedings when jackets come off and a spirit of informality takes over.
The following recommendations are for offices, but can also be applied to social events where ‘smart casual’ is stipulated:
• Men’s traditional office-wear is tailored and heat-retaining, and finding a way of looking smart and feeling cool is a challenge. The obvious first step is to wear a pair of tailored shorts, in a dark plain fabric, that sit on or just above the knee. Most people associate short shorts with beaches, sailing, sports and swimming – they look out of context, over-casual and over-revealing when worn elsewhere.
• If shorts are a step too far for your office, you might be able to get away with loose-fitting cotton or linen chinos, preferably in a light colour.
• Short-sleeved polo shirts, or button-through short-sleeved shirts in linen or cotton will both look smart teamed with shorts and they can be worn without a neck-constricting tie. Bear in mind that natural fibres are a must when the temperatures rise.
• If you need more formality, choose an ultra-lightweight summer suit (silk, linen or seersucker is a good choice) and wear it teamed with an open-necked shirt.
• Loafers or deck shoes can be worn with shorts or chinos and you will be able to dispense with socks as well. You may even be able to get away with sleek, smart trainers (nothing too sporty).
• Dispense with tailored jackets and skirts if possible and opt for a lightweight, summer dress in cotton, silk or linen (it should be loose-fitting but not too voluminous) – if you need to look smart you can accessorise it with kitten-heeled slingbacks and a lightweight linen jacket.
• If at all possible, avoid wearing tights. If bare legs are considered beyond the pale in your office, choose a nude colour and the lightest denier possible.
• In a reasonably informal work environment it should be fine to wear smart open-toed sandals (avoid mule-like sandals with no back strap, which are more suitable for beaches), but make sure your feet are ready for exposure – if necessary, visit a nail bar and indulge in a pedicure and nail varnish.
As we are plunged into a summer of airport chaos, short-staffed public offices and public transport disruption, it is not surprising that complaints and demands for refunds and compensation are escalating. How do we ensure that our complaints are effective and do not descend into slanging matches or intemperate insults?
The British love to moan but are reticent about complaining. At this moment in a restaurant near you, there is a familiar scene being enacted – a couple is huddled together, carping about the over-salted soup, cold consommé and pallid pastry, when a waiter approaches. “Everything all right here?” “Oh yes, fine, thank you.” This form of complaining isn’t rude, at least, because its target never gets to hear our harsh words, but privately nursing a grievance about an inadequate and expensive meal is certainly not the best recipe for an enjoyable night out.
Inevitably there comes a point when private moaning just isn’t good enough – a holiday or important trip abroad is ruined, a job interview is missed, a new appliance floods the kitchen…This is when you have to face up to the fact that you have valid grounds for making a complaint and proceed to do so. You must remember that your complaint is justified, and never start the proceedings with an apology for complaining. Recognise that you are entitled to do so, and a company or organisation that prides itself on good customer service should be grateful that you have brought their shortcomings to their attention.
The best approach when complaining, especially when it is in person and it is a matter that can easily be resolved, is not to give up. If the person you are speaking to isn’t offering any form of resolution or compensation, ask politely to speak to his or her manager, and make it clear that you will not leave until some positive steps are made to resolve the issue. Try, if at all possible, to settle the complaint there and then, rather than being fobbed off by advice to write a letter or send an email.
Invariably, the employee who is handling your complaint in person (and often on the phone as well) is in no way personally responsible for the offence. They have the unenviable task of manning the barricades, deflecting complaints, passing them further up the food chain, and ideally terminating their conversation with you as soon as possible. It really is pointless getting agitated or aggressive with them, and it will only reflect badly on you. Stay as polite and charming as you can, convince them that your complaint is genuine and justified, and make it your mission to extract a clear and recommended path for advancing your complaint – names of managers who are personally responsible, email addresses, complaint procedures (if applicable). Thank them politely, record their name, and move on.
If you find yourself consigned to email correspondence or an online form, don’t be hoodwinked by the appearance of anonymity. Remember, an actual person will eventually have to read your complaint, and unleashing a stream of obscenities and abuse is hardly the best way of advancing your cause. Bear in mind that emails can be recirculated indefinitely, so don’t write anything you might regret, and be just as polite as you would be over the phone.
If you are writing an email of complaint, follow these recommendations:
• Complain promptly: don’t defer for weeks, as it will undermine your cause.
• Always try and address your email to the right person, and if you have been advised to send an email by somebody at a complaints desk, make sure you have taken their name so you can cite it in your email.
• Lay out your case concisely and in an orderly fashion (bullet points will help). Clearly explain what has gone wrong (citing dates, places, people involved – whatever is relevant). If you have already initiated a complaints procedure, list your previous contacts (provide copies of correspondence if relevant). If pictures will help to elucidate your complaint, include them.
• Never use intemperate language; rudeness is liable to activate defensive ‘customer complaint’ strategies.
• Lay out your email like a formal letter (sign off ‘yours sincerely’), with a proper subject line and paragraph breaks. Check it carefully before you send it, and make sure it is grammatical.
• Emphasise that you are eager to solve your problem, and give some indication of the recompense you have in mind.
• If you do not receive a timely or adequate response, you may have to escalate the complaint: inform the company that you are not happy and that you will be taking the matter further (Ombudsman, Trading Standards office, review sites, the media, the Small Claims court). Before you take this step, research carefully to ensure that you have selected the most deadly option, and then you won’t appear to be firing out empty threats.
Whatever the reason for your complaint or your particular circumstances, it is sensible to acknowledge that aggression and rudeness are inevitably the worst way of getting what you want. Approaching the complaint in the spirit of “I’m sure you regret this as much as I do and I know we’ll be able to work something out” is always the most effective method. But if you follow this recommendation and still find yourself thwarted by a professional stonewaller, then you will need to turn icy and steely. Now is the time to summon your rage, but keep it repressed and bubbling threateningly beneath your impeccably polite surface – you will be surprised how effective this volcanic option can be.
It’s the peak of the British summer: the days are languorous and long, strawberries are in season, tennis and cricket matches are drawing huge crowds. Everyone is enjoying the outdoors – whether it’s picnics, barbecues, days on the beach, or just lounging in the park.
Many of us will be contemplating the school holidays, or perhaps planning a staycation – a much safer option than risking airport chaos and cancellations. For those of us who plan to explore home territory this summer, the British countryside provides a rich palimpsest of history, replete with archaeological remains from the Roman and Anglo-Saxon periods, Medieval castles, Tudor mansions, stately homes and remains of the Industrial Revolution. It also offers a stunning range of landscapes – from the mountains of the Lake District, Wales and the Scottish Highlands, to the fens of East Anglia and dramatic coastlines of the Southwest. The distances between all these attractions are comparatively small, meaning that a magnificent array of landscapes and history is widely accessible.
Much of this heritage is managed by two extraordinary organisations, both of which can trace their origins to the late 19th century, when there was a growing recognition that our national legacy needed to be protected and preserved.
In 1895 three Victorian philanthropists – Octavia Hill, Sir Robert Hunter and Canon Hardwicke Rawnsley – founded the National Trust. They were dismayed by the impact that rapid industrialisation and uncontrolled urban development was having on the landscape and decided that something should be done to safeguard our national heritage. They embarked on a determined plan to acquire historic buildings and land that was under threat, setting up the Trust as the guardian of our historic legacy. Their first acquisition of property, in 1896, was the Alfriston Clergy House in East Sussex, which they bought for £10. Their first nature reserve was Wicken Fen in Cambridgeshire, which they acquired in 1899.
Britain’s remarkable cultural patrimony of stately homes and landscaped grounds, mainly constructed between the 17th and 19th centuries by aristocrats and landed gentry, was coming under increasing threat in the 20th century. Advancing industrialisation was undermining their land-based wealth, and crippling taxes and death duties were causing further difficulties. Many aristocrats were forced to sell their birthright, and the National Trust began to step in in to save and preserve this unique legacy.
From its modest beginnings in the 1890s a great national organisation took root. Today the Trust manages over 780 miles of coastline, more than 250,000 hectares of land, over 500 historic houses, castles, parks and gardens, and nearly one million works of art.
The National Trust currently boasts more that 5.37 million members, and runs its properties with the help of over 50,000 volunteers. It operates over 280 cafés and restaurants at its various sites and properties, and even owns 39 pubs and inns. Substantial tracts of Britain’s most beautiful terrain are expertly managed and protected by the Trust, ensuring that the organisation is woven into the tapestry of the British landscape, an instantly recognisable sign that our history is valued and respected.
The origins of English Heritage date back to the same period: the Office of Works, a government department responsible for architecture and building, began to acquire buildings and monuments in the 1880s. The initial focus was on prehistoric and Medieval remains – it was several decades before country houses and industrial landscapes were recognised as a heritage that needed to be preserved. By the 1930s the Office of Works was responsible for world-famous sites such as Stonehenge and Rievaulx Abbey. While the primary aim was to protect these historic treasures, it was also recognised that they should be made accessible to the general public.
After the Second World War, the Ministry of Works (as it was now known) continued to acquire a widening range of sites, including its first stately home, Audley End in Cambridgeshire. After much debate it was decided that it would be preferable for the National Trust to manage country houses, while the Ministry of Works looked after more historic monuments, although this brief was extended to include a widening range of sites including Georgian villas, windmills and iron works.
In the 1980s the Ministry of Works briefly became the Historic Buildings and Monuments Commission, which was then renamed English Heritage. Since 2015 it has been a charitable trust, which not only looks after historic properties but also safeguards and protects our national legacy. It now cares for over 400 historic buildings, monuments and sites, including 66 castles, 58 prehistoric sites and 47 London statues.
With a great range of historic sites and pristine landscapes to choose from, we are spoilt for choice. But it would be irresponsible to take our heritage for granted, or to be careless or inconsiderate about our carefully conserved landscape.
So, if you are out and about this summer, bear the following recommendations in mind:
• Many of us will want to enjoy a picnic, but don’t just choose your site indiscriminately. Many sites have designated picnic areas, or you can find a ‘suitable for picnics’ icon when you are looking up the site details. In general, fires and barbecues are not allowed. If, in doubt, ring up the specific property for advice first. English Heritage encourages visitors to picnic at all its sites.
• Carefully dispose of all rubbish, and if you can’t find a bin, bag it up and take it away. Always leave the site absolutely pristine.
• National Trust-managed landscapes are completely dog-friendly (keep dogs on leads when you are crossing fields with livestock, or when requested to do so). It’s fine to take your dog to historic gardens, but you should keep your dog on a lead. Look up individual properties’ details to check whether dogs are allowed in cafés. English Heritage encourages visitors to bring dogs to castles, abbeys and gardens.
• Always follow the countryside code and ensure that gates are securely fastened when you have passed through.
• The National Trust is tolerant of wild camping, but requires visitors to follow certain guidelines. Wild campers are not allowed to camp in valleys or lowland areas or by lakeshores. They must keep their pitches small – if two tents are already in their chosen spot, they should move on. Food should be heated on lightweight camping stoves – lighting fires is risky and leads to the risk of damaging wildfires. Wild campers should use small, lightweight tents, and blend as much as possible into the landscape.
• It’s fine to photograph any outdoor site managed by the Trust, but care should be taken when photographing or filming indoors. Photography without flash and filming is permitted at many properties, at the property manager’s discretion. Permission must therefore be sought and any restrictions respected. Both the National Trust and English Heritage must be contacted for copyright permission if photographs of their properties are being sold commercially.
• Obey the ‘don’t touch’ notices and don’t stray into roped-off areas. Follow normal gallery etiquette: be aware of the flow of crowds, don’t block access to works of art for other visitors, keep your voice down. If a guide is giving a talk (even if you’re not part of the group), don’t talk over them.
• If the facility is available, check in large and bulky bags. You wouldn’t want to cause incalculable damage to a precious antiquity with your bulging rucksack…
• Switch off mobile phones when you are in historic houses or other buildings. Be considerate about using your phone in enclosed gardens – other visitors may not appreciate being forced to eavesdrop on loud conversations.
• Smoking is not permitted inside buildings, or in cafés or shops. If you’re smoking outside, try and find a spot away from other visitors, who may be hoping for lungfuls of delicious floral scents, not nicotine.
• We all enjoy spectacular floral displays and exquisite gardens, but horticultural enthusiasts should resist the temptation to purloin the odd cutting when nobody is looking. As with the art on display, the plants are for contemplating, not touching.
• Never wear stiletto heels inside historic properties – they can do irreparable damage to floors, carpets and rush matting.
• Always be polite and respectful to stewards inside historic buildings. They are giving up their time voluntarily, and are often genuine enthusiasts, who are well-informed and delighted to talk about the property. Engaging in a polite conversation with them will probably elicit all sorts of arcane and fascinating information.
When feelings run high, it is easy to believe that gestures speak louder than words. They pack a powerful punch, are highly visible and many gestures are considered to be universal.
But this is where the problems lie. Many gestures are open to a spectrum of interpretation, and there is rarely universal consensus about what they connote. It is clear that a gesture such as giving the finger is an insult – but on what level? The gesture’s origins can be traced back to Classical Greece and Rome (it was known as the digitus impudicus), where its meaning was unapologetically sexual and physically threatening. It is unclear how the gesture fared in subsequent centuries, but we do know that it was resurrected in the United States, probably introduced by Italian immigrants, in the 19th century. Famously, a well-known baseball pitcher for the Boston Braves, named Charles Radbourn, used the gesture when posing for a team photograph in 1886, the first person to do so on camera. In 1982, Canadian prime minister Pierre Trudeau (father of current prime minister Justin Trudeau) gave the middle finger to a group of protesters while on a train in western Canada. The event became a national sensation, and from then on the middle finger became known as the “Trudeau salute” in Canada. In North America the gesture continues to be considered lewd and insulting, frequently deployed by celebrities who have been enraged by fans or paparazzi, or as a sign of protest and defiance.
In the United Kingdom, however, giving the finger is a comparatively recent import from the US, and may not carry the same weight. We have our own unique home-grown insult, the two-finger salute with the palm facing inwards. In Britain this hand signal has much the same meaning as the finger in the US, and is understood to be an offensive gesture, especially when the hand is moved up an down for added effect. It is possible that the V-sign developed from a much older horns symbol (made with the little finger and forefinger), used to denote a cuckold from at least the 16th century. When the palm is turned outwards, the gesture is used to denote Victory or, from the 1960s onwards, peace. Winston Churchill made much use of the V for Victory sign in the Second World War, though interestingly there are also many photographs of him gesturing with his palm facing inwards – we can only guess if this was intentional or merely a careless error.
It will already be apparent that these gestures are charged with meaning, but their comparative gravitas and impact is very much in the eye of the beholder, and factors like gender, age, nationality and the context in which the gesture is used will all come into play. They should therefore be used with extreme caution, as there is a risk that a casually flipped finger will induce feelings of murderous rage or profound humiliation in recipients. Children should certainly be discouraged from aping adults and using these gestures, and made to understand that using them carries a certain risk.
In addition, these gestures – as Winston Churchill clearly understood – are highly photogenic. They are a visual shorthand, creating an instantly arresting image and making the need for captions superfluous. As such, they are an extremely blunt instrument, incapable of conveying subtlety or nuance. Anyone in the public eye should be extremely wary of using these gestures, as they may well come to symbolise the perpetrator, and in the most unflattering light.
The instant gratification of an insulting hand gesture should therefore be carefully weighed against its possible impact – both on other people, who may be incensed or insulted by the gesture, and on the person from whom it originates, who may be defined by their action and ridiculed because of it.
Many of us will find ourselves in situations where we feel we have reached the end of our tether, when other people’s behaviour, especially if it is mocking or provocative, can tip us over the edge. It is admirable if, in extremis, we are able to present a smooth, unruffled exterior to the world, and do not rise to the bait and behave in a way that we will later regret.
Lying is much in the news as the moment and we have turned to Principles of Politeness and of Knowing the World, compiled from the letters of Lord Chesterfield, with comments by the Rev Dr John Trusler in 1775, for some 18th-century insights on the matter.
Trusler’s contempt for liars is magisterial: “Of all the vices there is no one more criminal, more mean, and more ridiculous, than lying. The end we design by it is very seldom accomplished, for lies are always found out, at one time or other…Lies generally proceed from vanity, cowardice, and a revengeful disposition, and sometimes from a mistaken notion of self defence…If a man lies, shuffles or equivocate, (for, in fact, they are all alike) by way of excuse for anything he has said or done, he aggravates the offense rather than lessens it… Besides, lying, in excuse for a fault betrays fear, than which nothing is more dastardly, and unbecoming the character of a gentleman.”
“There are persons also, whose vanity leads them to tell a thousand lies... These persons are foolish enough to imagine, that if they can recite any thing wonderful, they draw the attention of the company, and if they themselves are the objects of that wonder, they are looked up to as persons extraordinary. This has made many a man see things that never were in being, hear thing s that never were said, and achieve feats that never were attempted, dealing always in the marvellous…”
No doubt Lord Chesterfield and the Rev Trusler would be appalled by the extent to which lies have now entered public discourse, and by the fact that people who lie do not necessarily face universal calumny or enforced resignation, even if their lies are widely acknowledged and pilloried. After all, as Trusler points out: “There is nothing more manly, or more noble, if we have done wrong, than frankly to own it. It is the only way of meeting forgiveness.”
They identify several very recognisable reasons for lying: malice (telling lies in order to injure somebody’s reputation); vanity (exaggerating achievements, making unverifiable claims); self-defence (telling lies as a way of evading condemnation for inadequacies or incompetence).
Any reader who cursorily examines this list will be struck by the fact that these kinds of lies are very commonly displayed by young children, who recklessly blend fantasy and exaggeration with strict truth, boast sinfully, and whose knee-jerk response, when challenged with any kind of wrong-doing, is to go for wide-eyed, innocent denial. We identify these undesirable traits early, and work hard to socialise our children into behaving more honestly and responsibly. They very quickly learn that their wilder fantasies and fabrications really don’t hold water, and that any self-respecting parent or teacher is going to be deeply suspicious of their outright denials and outrageous excuses when they are caught red-handed.
So it’s a very bad sign when this kind of behaviour makes it into adult life, especially when it is manifested by people in positions of power and responsibility. But maybe we should also take some responsibility – as parents we do our utmost to call out our children when they are caught in a lie, so we really should muster the same level of outrage when a powerful adult falls into the same trap and add our voices to the chorus of disapproval.
On a more everyday level, if you suspect somebody else of lying there are three ways of dealing with it. You can ignore it: the lies are probably more to do with the insecurities and problems of the liar than they are to do with you, and as long as they do not have a severe impact on other people they can just be overlooked. Or you can turn to forensic questioning, then sit back and watch the liar tie themselves in knots and become ensnared in a tangled web of their own making. Finally, if they’re a loved one or a good friend, you stop them in their tracks and save embarrassment with a mild “come off it”.
We will let the Rev Trusler have the last word:
“Remember then, as long as you live, that nothing but strict truth can carry you through life with honour and credit. Liars are not only disagreeable but dangerous companions, and when known will ever be shunned by men of understanding. Besides, as the greatest liars are generally the greatest fools, a man who addicts himself to the detestable vice, will not only be looked upon as vulgar, but will never be considered as a man of sense.”
The latest spate of political resignations has led us to contemplate the etiquette of leaving your job, and we have been pondering how to write a good resignation letter. For most of us, resignation will not be met by political fanfare or a media outcry. But it is nevertheless important to write a clear and well-constructed letter and to ensure that your departure is not messy or emotional.
For most of us, a good resignation is all about not burning bridges. Nobody knows exactly where their career will lead, and it is sensible to avoid leaving a trail of bad feeling and recrimination. It is also possible that you will have to go back to your employer at some point for references.
You may well be leaving your job because you have reached the end of your tether, or been badly managed, or repeatedly overlooked for promotion. Unless you are a politician, who is publicly staking his or her claim for a high profile job in the future, it is best to mute your resentment. Try and translate your grievances into something that sounds reasonably positive: “I am looking forward to moving on and taking the skills I have acquired over the last five years to a new level” (I never got the promotion I deserved) or “I am sure I will be able to apply everything I have learnt about teamwork over the last two years in my new role” (our team didn’t function properly).
In most employment situations, you would discuss your resignation with your manager first. Try and prepare what you want to say beforehand and stick to the script. Even if you have been unhappy in your job, try and sound positive and work to stay on good terms with your manager. If he or she argues with your or becomes confrontational, you must try not to deviate from your original posture; reiterate your pre-prepared remarks if necessary.
Once this conversation is over, you should then send your formal resignation letter, or hand it to you manager at the end of the interview. Remember, this letter will be kept on file, so it is best to make it bland and formulaic.
If your manager comes up with a counteroffer, be very cautious. Offering more money is a common reaction to unwelcome news of a resignation, but you must question why a better salary has only been proffered under threat of your departure, not as a reward for a job well done. If you are offered a promotion, think very carefully about the circumstances that have led to this gesture – underlying problems and grievances with the company might still be bubbling under the surface and will come back to haunt you later on.
Reassure your manager that you will work your notice period and do your best to ensure that there is a seamless transition following your resignation. Your imminent departure may generate a giddy sense of freedom and irresponsibility, but you owe it to your employer to ensure that colleagues and your successor are well briefed and ready to take over.
If you really do have well-founded grievances with the company that you are burning to get off your chest, or you feel that it imperative for the well being of your former colleagues to spell out the company’s shortcomings, don’t put them in writing. Even if it is not part of your company’s formal procedures, you can always ask for an exit interview and try and convey your criticisms to your manager. Only do this if you’re confident that you won’t make intemperate remarks and can keep the conversation polite and civilised.
• The letter should include the current date, company name and company address.
• The letter should be addressed to your line manager.
• It should open with a simple statement of your intention to quit: “It is with regret that I tender my resignation from my position as [job title] at [company name]” or “Please accept this letter as formal notification of my resignation from my position as [job title] aat [company name]:
• For the sake of clarity, state your notice period, and specify the date of your departure.
• Give the reason for your departure: the most common reasons cited would be a new job, new opportunities, moving elsewhere, personal reasons (you don’t need to go into detail).
• It is a gracious, but not essential, gesture to thank your employer for the opportunities they have given, and say something positive about your time at the company: “I have enjoyed being part of a great team, and feel proud of the work we did in bringing Project X to fruition”.
•Sign the letter and print your name underneath. You can use the formal sign-off ‘Yours sincerely’, but in most companies it would probably be more appropriate to use a phrase like ‘With best wishes’.
