Most people, at some point in their lives, refrain from alcohol. On occasions, refusal of alcohol is for perfectly clear medical reasons (booze may clash with prescription drugs, or an operation is impending, or the person is pregnant). At other times, it is more clearly a case of self-imposed abstinence: this can range from a few weeks ‘clean-living’ to a committed campaign to kick the drink habit once and for all.
The last year of intermittent lockdowns has been hard going for many of us, and the myriad variety of coping strategies have ranged from super-healthy exercise mania at one end of the spectrum to slumped couch potato at the other. It is certainly true that a lot of people found themselves eating or drinking to excess.
Now, as lockdown eases, we find ourselves back in the real world and for many people it has become imperative to lose the extra pounds and banish the drinking habit.
Whatever the reason, a decision has been made, and must be respected. Now that we’re all hosting again (albeit in a limited way), we may find ourselves confronted with a refusal of drink from a guest. Never question why this is happening; never cajole, or plead, or tease. You may be understandably disappointed that they’re not joining in the party fun, especially after the long months of social abstinence, but you must never let this show – meet their refusal with good grace and offer a tempting range of alcohol-free drinks.
If you are the teetotaller, however temporary, you must also mind your manners. Refuse a drink politely; give an explanation if you think that helps. Never act the martyr, miserably cradling your mineral water as the party takes off around you. Never lecture your fellow guests about the benefits of an alcohol-free existence.
If you are sober, intoxicated company can be baffling; conversations meander, arguments break out for no reason, non-jokes are met with general hilarity. If you are unable to cope with this alcohol-induced anarchy, don’t socialise with heavy drinkers. If you can endure these antics without a censorious air, you will be worth your weight in gold – the one sober guest at the end of the evening who is able to sort out the increasingly unruly guests, locate scattered belongings, confiscate car keys, and post them home in a taxi.
Just remember the next morning, when you’re enjoying a virtuous, hangover-free breakfast, that pointing out the benefits of alcohol-free living to bleary family and friends is a transgression that will not be easily forgotten.
As we all take our first steps, somewhat shell-shocked, out of lockdown, the great British barbecue has moved centre stage, enabling us to eat and entertain outdoors, without fear of breaching regulations. But it would be foolish to ignore the vagaries of the British weather, and as balmy spring days alternate with freezing wintry relapses, keep your eye on the forecasts, stock up with warm blankets, or better still provide some form of outdoor heating.
Prepare
Provide
Advise
Enjoy
We have now passed the first milestone on the route out of lockdown and will be able to enjoy sharing Easter with groups of six in our gardens or in the local park. This is an ideal opportunity to honour the historic tradition of the Easter egg hunt, which can be conducted outside, and is a sociable way of containing children’s pent-up energy and chocolate lust.
Children will enjoy their Easter eggs all the more if they have to hunt for them. All you’ll need is plenty of small, wrapped Easter eggs and a basket or bowl for each child so that they can store their booty. Alternatively, you can go all out for authentic hand-painted hard-boiled eggs, rewarding children at the end with a compensatory chocolate egg exchange.
If your children are small, it’s probably best just to hide the eggs and let them roam free and hunt. Tell the children to return to base when they have achieved a target number of eggs (eg six) so that you can check that eggs are being fairly distributed, and that the balance is redressed for any children who are really lagging behind.
Older children will love responding to written clues. You can use brightly coloured craft card, which you tape to trees or walls. Children will enjoy rhyming clues and terrible puns. Alternatively, you can give each child a written sheet of clues that will direct him/her to various points around the garden.
Before the hunt starts, agree with the children that they can eat a limited number of eggs at the end of the hunt, but that the rest must be taken home and saved for later. That way you may at least mitigate the hyperactive consequences of a chocolate overload…
Egg Hunt Etiquette
We’ve all been feeling the lack of distractions in the lockdown –non-essential shops, cinemas, theatres, bars, cafés and restaurants… the list goes on. For many of us, walking in the countryside has been a lifesaver over the last few weeks, but we should spare a thought for farmers and country-dwellers, who may have been less than thrilled by an invasion of heedless day-trippers.
Certain rules of behaviour should be observed when in the country, and will go a long way towards mitigating any negative impact. There’s an age-old way of doing things in rural Britain, so go prepared, and be aware that:
British people are notorious for their endless fascination with the weather, and as the current lockdown enters its third month, and our restricted lives seem devoid of anything notable to discuss, this reliable standby is being deployed more than ever.
The weather has always been a topic that is utilised nationwide as an ice-breaker. When two strangers meet, in a train or a queue for example, it is virtually de rigueur to enjoy a short conversation about the weather. The primary function of this fascination with the weather is, of course, to break down the English person’s natural reserve; it offers a universal, and neutral, topic, which everyone, from a small child to an elderly grandmother, enjoys discussing.
This fascination with the weather is part of a long tradition, and ancient folklore is full of mantras for second-guessing the moods of the elements. Snow on St Dorothea’s Day (6 February) means no heavier snowfall that year, while rain on St Swithin’s Day (15 July) means it’ll continue for the next 40 days. The slightest tinge of a pink cloud can cause locals to chant ‘red sky at night, shepherd’s delight’ and many a bored child has been reassured by the phrase ‘rain before seven, fine by eleven’. This year, we all enjoyed a ‘fools’ spring’, when exceptionally warm weather in February preceded a further ‘cold snap’.
Despite this obsession, the weather still keeps the English on their toes. A few weeks without rain and garden-hose bans are enacted; too much rain and rivers burst their banks, flooding low-lying towns. Similarly, a fall of snow (the amount that in Germany or Switzerland would be brushed off without a second thought) often brings English motorways to a standstill. The rail network is particularly susceptible to weather delay – trains have been cancelled for everything from leaves on the track to the wrong kind of snow.
Other countries endure far more noteworthy weather events – droughts, hurricanes, tornadoes – but the English weather is, above all, unpredictable. Sunshine, showers, wind and rain sweep across the country with extraordinary rapidity, providing an ever-changing outlook. And in these days of global warming, English people can now enjoy discussing ever more capricious weather – blizzards in April, floods in July, and so on. With the weather as a topic, conversation is never going to falter.
Our home-grown ‘Mother’s Day’ actually started out as a religious feast, called Mothering Sunday, which was celebrated in the 17th century. It was a feast day held to celebrate the Virgin Mary and the idea was that people would return to their ‘mother church’, to make it a family celebration. It took place on the fourth Sunday of Lent, and allowed for some easing of the Lenten fast – it was sometimes called ‘Simnel Sunday’ because it was traditional to bake simnel cake, a delicious concoction of dried fruits, spices and marzipan, which is also eaten at Easter. Inevitably, it became a family reunion, with mothers taking pride of place.
When the tradition began to fade in the 1930s a vicar’s daughter named Constance Penwick-Smith worked hard to revive it, with much more emphasis on celebrating motherhood. This changed focus owed a lot to the American invention of ‘Mother’s Day’, the brainchild of a grateful daughter, who wanted to honour her own mother, a peace activist during the Civil War. Mother’s Day became officially acknowledged in the US in 1914.
Confusingly, the two different versions of Mother’s Day have become conflated in many people’s minds, but in the US and many countries of the world Mother’s Day is celebrated on the second Sunday in May, while in the UK we have adhered to the religious origins of the date, which is why it moves around from year to year.
Whatever the origins, the essential focus is the same.
As we celebrate International Women’s Day, and the drive towards gender equality that it recognises, we have been browsing through the pages of some 19th-century etiquette guides and contemplating just how far women have come.
As trade boomed in the 19th century the middle classes expanded rapidly, and a stream of guidebooks were published to help them steer their way through a host of social dilemmas – from how to address a viscount, to calling card etiquette and when to serve champagne. The guides encouraged modesty, propriety, cleanliness and politeness. Children deferred to parents, and women to men.
A woman ignored the codes that applied to her behaviour – both at home and in public spaces – at her peril. To transgress was to risk sullying her reputation, which – in the marriage markets of the 19th century – was an indispensable attribute.
Etiquette Tips from a Bygone Era:
• Ladies do not wear pearls or diamonds in the morning.
• When a lady is introduced to a gentleman, she should bow but not give her hand, unless the gentleman is a well-known friend of a member of the family. A gentleman must not offer to shake hands with a lady until she has made the first movement.
• In conversation a well-educated lady never uses vulgarisms, flippancy, coarseness, triviality or provocation in her speech.
• A gentlewoman walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing that she ought not to see and hear. She recognises acquaintances with a courteous bow, and friends with words of greeting. She never talks loudly, or laughs boisterously or does anything to attract the attention of passers-by.
• A lady never forms an acquaintance upon the street, or seeks to attract the attention or admiration of persons of the opposite sex.
• A lady never looks back after anyone in the street, or turns to stare in a public place. She should never walk alone in the street after dark.
• A lady keeps from contact with her neighbour in public conveyances as much as is possible, never leaning up against another or spreading her arms. She may accept the offer of services from a stranger in alighting from, or entering a conveyance, and should acknowledge the courtesy.
• At public balls, a lady should dance only with gentlemen of her own party, or those with whom she has a previous acquaintance. Young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance. She should give a good reason, lest the gentleman takes it as a personal dislike. Once a lady refuses, a gentleman should not urge her to dance, nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance. An unattached lady never dances more than three dances with the same partner.
Turn up at a British railway station, or a supermarket, or a post office and you will see an orderly queue. It all dates back to the days of rationing in the long years during and after the world wars of the last century. In such dark days, the queue was an opportunity to catch up with the community, check that your friends were still alive and moan about the privations.
Even today, grumbling in a queue is one of the great British joys – there is a liberating anonymity in conversing with someone whose back is turned; you can avoid eye contact and hence actual personal interaction and the intimacy that might entail.
For visitors to the UK, the art of queuing must seem esoteric at best and infuriating at worst, but queue-barging is a serious offence; even the reticent English will feel justified in sharply pointing out the back of the line to any errant queue-jumpers.
Queuing does require participation, however, and anyone who isn’t fully committed to moving forward an inch for every inch that opens up will earn almost as much disapproval from the crowd queuing behind as the shameless barger.
If you’re with family or a group of friends, nominate one person to join a queue if possible, rather than clogging it up with unnecessary people and luggage.
But we can absorb such wrinkles into our queuing science: for nothing can sully the joy of being in the queue that is operating in tandem (say, at passport control or at the supermarket) that beats another queue.
Now we have discovered a further delight: the virtual queue. It operates in much the same way as queues in real life: essentially fair and orderly; occasionally transgressed by queue-jumpers or beset by organisational glitches; the subject of moaning and grudging respect. As with all British queues, we acknowledge that not everyone can be given top priority and that a system must be observed. On the whole, we take a pragmatic view, accepting that reasonable criteria are applied when administering the system.
Whether it’s queuing outside a supermarket or anticipating the next tier of vaccination, we recognise there’s a good reason for waiting and remind ourselves that patience is a virtue…
The British have always been passionate about their dogs and this love affair seems to have reached a new pitch in lockdown. With so many restrictions in place, walking has become a default pastime and canine companions are proliferating at an astonishing rate.
Pampered pooches, who are accustomed to warm centrally heated houses, are more prone to feeling the cold, and in the recent cold snap a veritable canine fashion parade was in progress. If you feel that your dog needs more warmth than nature has intended choose a coat with durability and practical features. It should be easy to fasten, water-resistant and offer underbelly protection.
You and your dog are on display on your regular dog walks. Your dog’s behaviour will reflect upon you, so remember the following:
