Suddenly spending a lot of time in video calls? With a quarter of the world now 'in lockdown', the video conference is fast replacing the in-person meeting. And whatever your seniority, the associated technological – and social – challenges are proving be a great leveller. Here's our countdown of the top 10 most awkward things about video calling. Have you experienced any of these over the last couple of weeks?
1.) The pre-chat: when people are slowly joining the call and you’re stuck small-talking with one or two others.
2.) The dodgy Wifi delay: when one participant's screen freezes in a less-than flattering pose.
3.) The shouter: when somebody feels they have to bellow to make themselves heard.
4.) Unwelcome interruptions (from your toddler, cat or spaniel).
5.) Regrettable background noises: the aforementioned toddler repeatedly screaming 'MUMMY!' at the top of their lungs while you're presenting your budget for the next quarter.
6.) The multi-speak: people talking over each other for extended periods before they realise there's someone else speaking at the same time.
7.) The invisible (wo)man: the participant who mysteriously keeps their video turned off, leaving a black square where their face should be.
8.) Weirdly precise meeting start times: when a company profile on Teams or Webex is so overloaded that you can’t get online at popular times, so you have to kick off your meeting at 11.07 instead of 11
9.) The longwinded wrap-up: the challenge of ending a call when you have nowhere else to be. Saying ‘I’ve got to run’ doesn’t really cut it when everyone knows you’re working from home.
10.) The irresistible urge to wave goodbye at the end of the call.
Anything to add? Share your experience in the comments section below.
At an already tense time, sharing a space with others – whether flatmates or family – can become challenging. As the Debrett's team makes the move to remote working, our senior business development manager Dan Scothern shares some thoughts on how to approach staying at home so that your relationships survive and thrive:
1. Respect people’s space – Dominating communal spaces or monopolising particular items (such as the TV or phone) is likely to chip away at any healthy household dynamics. If more than one of you are working from home, it's best to assign individual workspaces and perhaps implement additional measures so that the house can operate as normally as possible.
2. Preserve others' privacy – Extended periods of social interaction (even before social distancing) can be tiring, and as much as it is important to support each other, friends, housemates and partners should still be allowed to have their expected level of privacy and downtime. If your housemate decides to work in their bedroom for a morning instead of sharing the living room with you, it’s (probably) nothing personal – more likely, they’re just taking some time for themselves.
3. Be considerate – For those working from home, consideration could be as simple as making yourself scarce for half and hour while your housemate takes an important video call, or offering to make your partner a cup of tea. It's important to remember compassion too - especially if those you live with are separated from loved ones or feeling anxious.
4. Be understanding – This is uncharted territory for all of us, and there will be times where tensions run high and patience wears thin. Though emotions may be close to the surface, understand that different people will react in different ways, so let minor gripes (like a housemate using the last drop of milk) go. Like all things, “this too shall pass”, and if we’re able to get through this crisis without tearing each others' heads off, our friendships and relationships will be stronger for it.
5. Communicate – Whether it’s a family or a friendship group, the majority of issues can be avoided (or certainly diluted) by simply communicating. That’s not to say that all tact goes out of the window, but bottling up your frustrations will only exacerbate them. Try to avoid being passive and deal with any issues head-on and as they arise, and you should be fine.
In the space of only a few weeks, the impact of the coronavirus outbreak has been felt around the world. Increasingly, individuals are taking the precaution of avoiding skin-on-skin contact when greeting others. Last week we saw Angela Merkel’s offer of a handshake rather publicly rejected by her interior minister, while Dutch prime minister Mark Rutte broke his own rule when he instinctively shook hands with a senior health official following a press conference on Tuesday.
Uncertainty over the right approach at this equally uncertain time can lead to both parties in a business interaction feeling awkward, marring that all-important first impression on a client.
So assuming you’re still taking a ‘business as usual’ approach to business meetings, what is the best way to greet people? Here are three pointers to bear in mind:
1.) Take your lead from the other person
If you are still comfortable shaking hands, wait to see what the other person does and follow suit. If he or she goes in for the shake, keep your grasp firm and confident as you would usually. If the other person seems reluctant to shake hands (or if you are), a smile, nod and friendly verbal greeting will usually be adequate substitutes.
2.) Address the issue head-on
Awkwardness can be assuaged by mentioning the current situation at the outset. Saying something like ‘Shall we adhere to best practice and avoid a handshake?’ will acknowledge the issue and smooth the interaction.
3.) Smile!
A smile will project a message of warmth and welcome, and helps to lessen any feeling of offence caused by a rejected physical greeting. That said, be wary of smiling too much in certain countries, including Russia and Ukraine, where it could undermine your authority.
Have you ever instinctively responded 'sorry' when someone else bumped into you? Or written a message to someone starting 'Sorry to bother you'? We know the importance and impact of a heartfelt apology when it's warranted, but needless over-apologising can undermine our impact and authority, especially in the workplace.
So how can you get out of the apology habit? Try these four tips:
1. Pause first
If you find the word 'sorry' tripping off your tongue before you've even had time to consider what you're apologising for, take a pause. Think about why you're saying sorry, and whether or not you really need to.
2. Say thank you instead
If someone does you a favour, thank them rather than apologising for having caused them inconvenience. This also recognises their good deed as an act of kindness rather than one of obligation.
3. Watch out for implied apologies
Phrases such as 'I'm afraid', 'unfortunately' or even 'can I just' all serve as self-effacing language modifiers, giving the impression that you are uncertain or lack conviction. Before you send an email, go back and delete these, and gradually start eliminating them from your speech as well.
4. Know what deserves an apology
You don't have to apologise for sending an email, making a phone call, politely asking a colleague to complete a task, or for disagreeing with somebody else's opinion. You do have to apologise for being late, spilling red wine on a friend's pristine carpet, or for giving away a major plot twist in Game of Thrones.
Valentine's Day is apparently the second most popular date in the year for proposals to take place, so if a significant piece of jewellery is soon going to be burning a hole in your pocket, we've got a few pointers to make sure the moment is memorable for all the right reasons.
1.) Make it personal
Whether it's the scene of your first date, a significant anniversary or a shared hobby, make your proposal personal by incorporating what matters to you both. Equally, avoid anything your partner really won't enjoy: sinking to one knee at the top of the Eiffel Tower might seem romantic, but is less than ideal if he or she suffers from a debilitating fear of heights.
2.) Beware the public proposal
Proposing in a public place is fun, right? There's the awed silence as a crowd gathers to observe the scene, followed by rapturous applause when your partner accepts. Well, in theory – but a highly public proposal could put pressure on the other person to say yes just to save your blushes, even if they have misgivings. If you are going to propose in public, try to find a quiet moment so that you can celebrate – or not – privately before letting others know your news.
3.) Don't overcomplicate it
We get it: there's nothing more romantic than an all-day treasure hunt that leads to a ring concealed inside an ostrich egg buried in volcanic ash at the foot of Mount Fuji. But overcomplicate your proposal and you risk being too wrapped up in the logistics to enjoy the moment itself. By all means plan a memorable experience, but remember that 'memorable' could mean proposing over a bottle of champagne at home on the sofa.
4.) Record the moment... within reason
It's a life-changing event, and you'll understandably want a record of it for posterity. Just make sure the method of making one isn't too intrusive. Thrusting a smartphone into your partner's face to film their reply, or having a professional photographer spring out from behind a bush as they burst into tears of joy, might be overkill...
5.) Prepare to share the news
Before you post the above-mentioned photo or video on social media, share the news in person with your family and close friends. They will appreciate hearing about it from you first-hand, and their undoubted delight will make your celebrations even more special.
Somewhere between a third and half of us are introverts, according to Susan Cain's book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. So how do we navigate this time of year, when it can feel as if every day brings a new social challenge - whether it's your office Christmas party or a gathering for New Year? Our Academy Director Rupert Wesson has some advice for surviving silly season.
1.) Remember you're not alone
Many people feel apprehensive about social gatherings, so take comfort (and perhaps some confidence) from the knowledge that others will be as uncomfortable as you.
2.) Go in a spirit of curiosity
You don’t have to be a master raconteur or the best conversationalist to make a great impression. Just go with a desire to learn a little more about the other guests, and ask questions. Generally, people enjoy nothing more than talking about themselves.
3.) Prepare some opening lines
These can be as simple as a polite 'Lovely to meet you' and 'How do you know the host'? Having a few stock lines up your sleeve will help you get off to a confident start.
4.) Take the time to learn people’s names
Being able to use someone’s name when you have only just met them) is a great courtesy and makes you sound more confident. Not knowing their name can put you on the back foot.
5.) Move, mix and mingle
Try to avoid monopolising the same person or group of people to whom you feel comfortable speaking. Make an effort to meet new people: introduce others to the group or ask to be introduced to people you don't know.
6.) Try to look pleased to be there
Making a conscious effort to smile will help you to relax and make you seem more approachable.
7.) Remember no one is looking at you!
You may feel a little self-conscious walking into a room full of people, but the reality is that we rarely take as much notice of each other as we might think.
8.) Don’t sneak away at the first opportunity
Stay until your discomfort subsides and you may find you actually start to enjoy yourself. Make sure you personally thank your host before departing.
It's the most wonderful time of the year, with one exception: the workplace Secret Santa. Whether the prospect of buying a present for your boss fills you with horror, or you're notoriously bad at feigning enthusiasm for something you hate, here are our top five tips for surviving this social and professional pitfall:
1. Don't stint
A budget should be treated as an approximate rather than a maximum. A colleague may justifiably resent receiving a Poundshop snow globe when you're supposed to have spent a tenner.
2. But don't be too lavish either
It's fine to overspend slightly on something you know the recipient will love, but blowing twice the budget on a bottle of champagne smacks of sucking up, especially if you're buying for someone senior to you.
3. Make it personal
Most of us spend the majority of our waking hours with our colleagues, so it's likely that you'll have an idea of their hobbies and family life. Bearing these in mind when choosing a Secret Santa present – buying a sketchpad and pencils for an art-lover, for example – shows you've put thought into it.
4. Beware the 'joke' gift
A team present-opening session is not the place to revive an in-joke you've shared with a co-worker. Spare a thought for their professional persona – as well as your own – before wrapping up those furry handcuffs.
5. Play it safe
If you really have no idea what to buy someone, play it safe with a good bottle of booze (as long as you're sure they drink alcohol), the latest bestseller or a box of fine chocolates.
This weekend the England rugby team faces South Africa in the hotly-anticipated final of the Rugby World Cup in Yokohama. But how much do we know about our hosts? Here are our top ten etiquette tips for making a good impression in Japan:
1.) Shake hands gently: the Japanese tend to favour a limp handshake – a bone-crushing grip is seen as overly aggressive.
2.) Go easy on the eye contact: direct eye contact is rare in Japan, again to avoid any suggestion of aggression.
3.) Avoid a toothy grin: the Japanese generally refrain from showing their teeth when they smile.
4.) Take care with chopsticks: don’t cross chopsticks when you lay them down, and definitely don’t stick them in a bowl of rice pointing upwards: this has associations with funerals.
5.) Don’t point: at least, not with your index finger. Instead, use the whole hand, palm upwards, to gesture at something.
6.) Embrace karaoke: accept an invitation to karaoke, however tone deaf you are. This popular social activity acts as an icebreaker and serves to enhance personal relationships.
7.) Give malt whisky … or marmalade: gift-giving is very important in Japan. Traditionally British items, including cakes, biscuits, whisky or even fine marmalade, will usually be well received.
8.) But pretend to refuse a gift: expressing reluctance to receive a gift shows humility. Gifts should also be received with both hands and not opened in front of the giver unless he or she asks you to.
9.) Don’t take a call on public transport: phone calls are widely prohibited on public buses and trains. Texting is fine, however.
10.) And finally... don’t leave a tip: tipping is not customary in Japan, and may even cause offence.
One story dominated the news yesterday, and it wasn't the latest development in the Brexit negotiations. It was Coleen Rooney’s Twitter accusation that fellow football spouse Rebekah Vardy had been selling stories about her to the tabloids. Half an hour later, Vardy issued a reply denying the claim, but by then, Twitter was aflame and the news had gone viral.
Rooney is by no means the first person to broadcast her beef on Twitter. Musicians and actors, talk show hosts, MPs and senior statespeople – not least Donalds Tusk and Trump – have all been known to air grievances in outbursts of 280 characters or fewer. There’s something about social media that makes us all more susceptible to candour, but if the thought of getting embroiled in a highly public hoo-ha fills you with horror, here’s how to keep your friends close and your enemies closer online:
Keep it positive
Celebrate others' successes with a retweet or congratulatory comment, and don't forget to thank those who celebrate yours.
Beware irony
Irony is often misinterpreted in written communication, so keep your meaning literal unless you're confident that your humour and intention are crystal clear.
Tailor your privacy settings
Twitter profiles rank high on search results, so consider setting up a protected account unless you're willing to share your feed with colleagues, your boss and prospective dates. Alternatively, set up a protected account for private use and a public one for work.
Consider a disclaimer
If you mention your workplace in your Twitter bio, consider including a sentence like 'opinions are my own and not that of the Little Trading Company, Ltd' to distance your comments from your employer.
Remember there's no edit option
Tweets can't be edited after they've been shared, so if you change your mind about the way you've worded something, you'll have to delete the whole post. Still, bear in mind that tweets can be screen-shotted and shared in an instant: you may find that material has a life even after you've hit delete.
Ignore trolls
Trolls set out to provoke, so any response - however cutting - will be taken as encouragement. Limit trolls' airspace with a blanket 'ignore' policy.
...unless they are being abusive
If you receive abusive or threatening material, however, don't hesitate to report it and block the sender.
And finally, if in doubt...
...Don't tweet. If a post has left you feeling particularly angry or upset, give yourself some time before responding. You can always compose the tweet and save it in your drafts for 24 hours before deciding whether or not to publish it.
An image of Jacob Rees-Mogg reclining on the front bench provoked outrage last week, to which the Leader of the House of Commons responded: 'There's nothing in the rules about sitting comfortably." For those of us unschooled in its idiosyncrasies, here is a rundown on the etiquette of the 200-year-old House of Commons chamber:
Speaking
Brevity is encouraged to allow others a chance to speak, and 'excessive interventions' in another person's speech are frowned upon.
Terms of address
MPs from the same party are addressed as 'my honourable friend' (or 'right honourable' if he or she is a privy counsellor). MPs from other parties are usually described as 'the honourable Member for [constituency]' and ministers as 'the minister' or by office.
In the past, QCs would have been addressed as 'learned' and those who have served in the Armed Forces as 'gallant'. This practice has largely fallen out of favour, as has the tradition of calling the House of Lords 'the other place'.
Language
19th-century House of Commons clerk and author on parliamentary practice Thomas Erskine May advised that 'good temper and moderation are the characteristics of parliamentary language', with a breach of order deemed to depend on context and determined by the Speaker. Freedom of speech is described as a 'privilege ... which should be exercised responsibly, in the public interest...'
Dress
Speaker John Bercow caused an uproar (or at least a brief ripple of interest) two years ago when he said that male members of the House needn't wear ties. This reinforces the official 'rules', which only state that 'the way in which you dress should demonstrate respect for the House', although they describe the wearing of a jacket and tie, and the equivalent level of formality for women, as 'conventional'.
The rules are more explicit on the wearing of advertising and campaign logos and slogans, which are banned, as are decorations and uniforms.
Mobile phones
'Hand-held electronic devices' are permitted, but must be on silent mode and should not disrupt proceedings. You can take notes on your phone, but answering a phone call, listening to a voicemail, filming, recording and taking photographs are all prohibited.
Food and drink
Other than water, food and drink are banned from the House of Commons chamber.
...And finally, 'Sitting comfortably'? We'd advise exercising caution with this one.
