The first few days in January are a big anti-climax for many of us. We feel we have over-indulged and over-spent during the Christmas period and we may well feel played out and exhausted by all the social commitments and bonhomie.
It is all too easy to slump into a post-Christmas stupor, and to focus firmly on individual priorities – fitness resolutions, healthy eating regimes, alcohol abstention plans, and so on. But before you shift your focus firmly to yourself and your recovery and self-improvement programme, make sure that you have adequately acknowledged all the people that have made stupendous efforts to ensure that Christmas went with a swing.
It is all too easy, with Christmas and New Year’s Eve now behind us, to overlook the thanks we owe our hosts. Whether they are family members or friends, the people who lay on elaborate Christmas feasts, or are willing to host large numbers of people for several days, are truly heroic.
Now is the time to send a formal note of thanks for Christmas hospitality. It is not enough to simply proffer verbal thanks on the doorstep when everyone is in a muddle of departure. It’s fine to leave it a few days, but do not overlook the more formal follow-up, and try and send your thanks by Twelfth Night (5th January), which marks the end of the festive period.
Before you send your thanks, work hard to recall the details of the festive proceedings, think about the efforts your hosts have made, and ponder – in the dull post-Christmas days – the special touches that made the event (whether it was a meal, a Christmas stay or a party) particularly memorable or outstanding.
Your hosts have made gargantuan efforts and may well be suffering from a slump after the event, so they will appreciate your thanks even more. It is common, when you have pulled off a big feat of entertaining, to feel a bit insecure and anxious about the event. You might even begin to obsess about details – Were your roast potatoes crisp enough? Were the post-Christmas party games too raucous? Was the Christmas pudding too heavy? It is at this point, when you are fretting about your hosting performance, that a reassuringly positive letter of thanks will be most appreciated.
Thank-you notes are always more effective when you focus on details of the event. Everyone can come up with a generic ‘thank you for having me’, but you will only truly convey genuine gratitude if you are able to focus on the particular and highlight certain details that really stood out. Whether it is the quality of the food (“the roast goose was so succulent and I particularly liked the pear and cranberry stuffing), the conviviality of the day (“I loved the fact that we all played games after lunch and it was wonderful to have a tv-free Christmas”), or the pleasures of meeting new people (“I was so happy to finally meet Emily – you were right, we had so much in common and we’re going to meet up in the new year”), it is the details that will really make your thanks ring true.
Thank-you letters may seem old-fashioned, but there is no doubt that a handwritten note, preferably on decent stationery (no lined sheets torn from a notebook in an envelope pilfered from the office), packs an extra punch. Most recipients will appreciate that you have made an extra effort to convey your thanks. They may well recognise your writing and find it reassuringly familiar. They will also acknowledge that you have had to procure a stamp and locate a postbox – all these little signs of effort communicate that your gratitude is genuine.
If you are someone who never puts pen to paper, you will choose a digital option, and there is no doubt that written thanks, however they are conveyed, are always better than a verbal acknowledgement. Emails will give you more scope to personalise your thanks and focus on details. Texts are generally short and more mundane and there is a danger that your message might come across as perfunctory (though a lot will depend on the relationship you have with the hosts and your usual ways of communicating with them).
You might be looking back on your Christmas festivities with a jaundiced eye. They may have not gone particularly well, but this is not a reason to forego thanks. Even if the day was filled with culinary disasters and social pitfalls, try hard to find something positive to say – there really is no point compounding the host’s post-event misery by simply ignoring the whole debacle.
Some of your post-event discomfort might be caused by your own behaviour. If you are uncomfortably aware that you blotted your copybook, now is the time to make amends. We all know that Christmas brings a host of social pressures: it is scarcely surprising that claustrophobic gatherings of ill-assorted people, who are cooped up together and probably drinking too much, often end up with drunken arguments, fractiousness or resentment.
If you are regretting your own behaviour, you really should add an apology to your thank-you note. As with all apologies, it is essential that you acknowledge the offence and express your regret for any discomfort you have caused. Do not offer excuses and never use the word ‘if’. If you find yourself writing phrases like “I’m sorry if I spoilt the Christmas Day atmosphere – I was really exhausted after a hard day at work and the long drive and I probably had a bit too much to drink”, think again. Cut out the prevarications and excuses and just say something like “I really must apologise for my behaviour on Christmas Day – I’m afraid I drank too much, which was inexcusable”. Most hosts will forgive your behaviour if they feel you have fully acknowledged it, and doing so as soon as possible will avoid the festering resentments that can all too often cloud the Christmas aftermath.
It is no secret that Christmas is a time when many people succumb to feelings of stress and depression, with a Mental Health Foundation survey finding that 54% of people were worried about the mental health of someone they knew during the Christmas season. Undoubtedly Christmas pressures can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and make this a challenging time of year for many people.
There are many ways to counter these negative feelings and to ensure that you, and the people you care about, do not succumb to them. We look at the ways in which good manners, empathy and consideration can ease the Christmas burden:
This is a time of year when many people feel compelled to project images of perfection on social media. They bombard us with a diet of champagne and caviar, glittering parties, twinkling lights, groaning tables and perfect presents. We are invited to enter their fantasy world, revel in their success and admire their savoir-faire. For most of us, who are struggling with mundane errands, stretched budgets and family fractiousness, this alternative vision is both compellingly aspirational and utterly depressing. We know we can never measure up to the fantasies and feel all the worse for it.
Try and avoid this sort of posting around Christmas and, if you do stumble upon it, try and counter its ill effects by reminding yourself that people who feel the need to boast about their perfect lives are probably over-compensating for deep-seated feelings of social inadequacy, or should simply be pitied for their troubling lack of tact and sensitivity.
This is a time of year when saying no is a vital social skill. Feeling socially overstretched or overextended is often the root of Christmas anxiety, so it is important to control yourself and resist the temptation to be all things to all people.
If you’ve been invited to one event too many and really feel you can’t face it, write your host a polite note or text, saying something unambiguous, along the lines of “Thank you for inviting me to xxxxx. I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to come – I do hope you all have a great time.” There’s really no need to add an excuse or explanation (although of course you may choose to if you want to soften the negative), the important thing is to make your refusal non-ambiguous, with no prevarication or uncertainty.
Bear in mind that a tendency to agree to everything will either lead to social burn-out, or you will hit a wall where you start to let people down at the last moment, leave them in the lurch, or simply don’t show. It’s far better to be polite, decisive and clear-cut.
If you’re a host, learn to accept other people’s refusals. When someone turns down an invitation, don’t try and persuade them to change their mind, or refuse to take no for an answer. Inevitably, there will be people who turn down your invitations and you should never interpret this as a personal slight. Politely accept the refusal and move on.
At times like this, when expectations run ridiculously high, it is easy to feel that your own Christmas plans do not measure up, and it is very tempting to over-compensate by throwing money at the problem. This can lead to a destructive cycle of over-spending, money worries and debt, which is a very far cry from the Christmas spirit and may have negative consequences in the months to come.
Remember that kindness, conviviality and good spirits will go a very long way to paper over any shortcomings in the catering or presents on offer. Focus on these intangible values rather than on material goods and don’t be shy about setting limits on expenditure, or politely asking for contributions from guests to help ease the burden.
Christmas is hard work: according to a YouGov poll, 51% of women (as opposed to 35% of men) found Christmas to be stressful. Many people feel overwhelmed by an avalanche of obligations: shopping, cooking, cleaning, hosting duties, keeping children happy. A very common response to this amount of pressure is passive-aggressive martyrdom – the sufferer takes on ever more work, steadfastly refuses offers of help and emanates a mood of aggrieved righteousness.
Don’t fall into this trap – it will poison the Christmas atmosphere and won’t do you many favours when your energy really begins to flag. Resolve to accept offers of help and, if they are not forthcoming, to ask explicitly for assistance. Don’t wait until you’re at the end of your tether, when requests for help become increasingly anguished and socially awkward.
If you’ve trod this path before and know that you’re likely to be cast in the role of chief cook and bottle-washer, it might be a good idea to have a polite discussion with other members of your family beforehand and allocate them certain responsibilities. No one person should have to take on the complete Christmas burden.
We all know Christmas is meant to be a time of indolence and indulgence. Many of us will enjoy several days off work and are looking forward to lounging around, eating, drinking and doing very little. But there are dangers: alcohol is a depressant and if you drink too much over the Christmas period you may find your mood turns sour and you’re perpetually hungover. Christmas food is delicious, but a succession of huge meals, interspersed with an array of sweet and savoury snacks, will soon make you feel bloated and uncomfortable. These disagreeable physical sensations may well be accompanied by feelings of guilt and self-reproach.
Try and offset the impact of over-indulgence by getting out, taking regular exercise and moderating your intake of food and alcohol. As a host, you can encourage your guests to join you on a country walk, or arrange to meet friends for a walk, rather than arranging another epic drinking and eating session. But you will have to accept that everyone has different tolerances for food, drinking and relaxing, and some of your friends and family may well be reluctant to respond to your suggestions – if that’s the case, don’t push it; you will be seen as an annoying nag or an over-energetic cheerleader, and will get little thanks for your pains.
You might also find that getting out on your own, away from the claustrophobic atmosphere of celebrations, will clear your head and renew your appetite for socialising. Carving out some time for yourself during this busy period is always a good idea.
Feelings of loneliness can be acutely painful at Christmas so, if you’re lucky enough to be joining friends and family, keep an eye out for people who might be on their own. You may find that your invitations and overtures are turned down, and you must respect that decision, but it’s still worth checking up on them and maintaining easy-going contact throughout the Christmas period – many people are reluctant to admit they’re feeling lonely and do not want to ‘impose’ on people they don’t know so well.
At this sociable time of year, it’s easy to find a pretext to drop in on neighbours or people who are on their own at Christmas – you can always pop around with a card and/or a bottle of wine, a plant, some home-made mince pies etc, and make sure that they’re surviving the season. Impromptu invitations may also be well received.
We all make a big fuss of Christmas and inevitably the aftermath can feel anti-climactic. It doesn’t help that at this time of year the days are short and dark, and the weather is challenging. Christmas over-spending and over-indulgence can also contribute to the January blues.
We’ve all experienced the post-Christmas crash, so it makes sense to make plans and find ways of counteracting it. Book a theatre or movie outing in early January, invite friends round for lunch early in the new year, or arrange to meet up for a country walk and a pub lunch. With some strategic dates in the new year’s diary, you’ll have something to look forward to as the Christmas season comes to a close.
For many of us Christmas is a daunting juggling act. It involves hospitality, large-scale catering, present giving. It also embraces a slew of emotions and challenges, from managing expectations and dealing with disappointment to gloating, complacency and over-excitement. By any standards, it is a potential etiquette minefield, requiring reserves of empathy, tact and diplomacy. How are you going to handle the Christmas season?
We’ve come up with ten indispensable Christmas recommendations, which should stand you in good stead if you’re hosting this year:
It’s easy at this time of year to get carried away by all the Christmas hype: decorations abound, Christmas songs are playing, adverts depict perfect family festivities. While of course it is natural to want to lay on the best Christmas possible, do remind yourself that much of the Christmas build-up is about marketing hype and that your emotions are being manipulated. Don’t set yourself an impossibly high bar, just focus on what is possible and do the best you can.
We are increasingly having to accept that we’re all welded to our mobiles and liable to consult them whenever there’s a slack moment. Many of us are avid users of social media and will be itching to post about Christmas Day to all our followers. Some members of our family won’t be able to be with us, and we will want to communicate with them by text or video call.
So, there are circumstances in which mobile use can be tolerated on Christmas Day, but there are also times, eg the Christmas meal, when you might find an inability to leave the mobile alone enraging. You don’t want to snap on Christmas Day itself and end up having an argument with a recalcitrant teenager or an Instagram-addicted guest. So, if you fear your guests might be digitally transgressive, it’s always a good idea to give them some warning, even if it’s just a text beforehand along the lines of ‘We’ll be eating our Christmas dinner at 2pm and just to warn you I’m banning all phones from the table for the duration of the meal!”. Given what you’re putting yourself through as a host, they can hardly object.
We all know that Christmas is an ultra-expensive time of year, demanding heroic feats of catering and hospitality. If you’re hosting for Christmas, you may be feeling that you have taken on a herculean task. You might also be fretting at the strain that Christmas hospitality will put on your household budget. In these straitened times, it’s quite acceptable to confront this issue head on.
Most people will find asking guests for a financial contribution very awkward, especially at a time of year when generous and hospitality is prioritised. So, if you feel you need some help with Christmas hospitality, you might find it much easier to ask guests for actual contributions (eg wine, champagne, aperitifs or digestifs, a cheese board, a side of smoked salmon). If you ask well in advance if they wouldn’t mind helping you out and specify clearly what you would like them to provide, most people will be quite relieved. We all know that Christmas hospitality is onerous and expensive and want to make a useful contribution. When you ask your guests to bring something don’t feel that you must go into long-winded explanations about the expense of Christmas catering or your strained Christmas budget – that will make the whole transaction feel awkward. Just say “I was wondering if you’d mind bringing some xxxxxxxx on Christmas Day? That would really be a great help.”
If you are a guest, you can ease any awkwardness and pre-empt putting the host in an embarrassing position by asking well in advance about Christmas contributions. Just say to your host “Is there anything particular you’d like us to bring? If you give a couple of examples of possible contributions, that will indicate that you are thinking of something more generous than the standard bottle of wine, eg “Perhaps you’d like some cheese and salmon or some cognac and whisky etc”. Or you could offer to take responsibility for all the Christmas wine and say “I could order a mixed case of wine for Christmas”.
You may have taken on the role of Christmas host willingly of have had it thrust upon you, but once you have agreed to do it, you should accept that you have taken on certain responsibilities and do your best to fulfil them, without complaining or passive-aggressive signals (sighing, muttering, sulking).
If you begin to feel over-stretched, enlist the help of your guests. Hand out tasks and run operations, with military operation, from your kitchen headquarters. Never feel bad about involving your guests; most of them will be glad to help and would certainly rather make a contribution than having to endure your resentment.
Christmas entertaining often involves a whole range of generations, which brings particular pleasures and challenges. This is certainly the case with older guests, who may find the prospect of being away from home or spending an entire day en fête with a lively, over-excited family somewhat daunting.
Firstly, ensure that they are warm and comfortable. Christmas is not the time to stint on heating, but if you’re on a real economy drive make sure your older guests are seated next to the radiator or fire and supply hot water bottles and warm wraps. Pace the day to ensure that there are lots of breaks for cups of tea and opportunities for older guests to take time out from the maelstrom – ideally, create a separate space where they can enjoy a cup of tea and quiet chat. Give them opportunities to bow out when it all gets too much – whether they want to go to their room for a napor enjoy a Christmas movie in peace.
Relentlessly dragging all your guests into group activities, regardless of their age, energy level or disposition, will lead to frustration and short fuses. Give everyone the space to make their own choices.
We all have Christmas rituals, many dating back to our own childhood, which have been endlessly repeated until they become absolutely engrained. It’s wonderful to respect tradition, but sometimes it’s a good idea to ring the changes, especially as families develop and change over the time. Small, over-excited children become silent, headphone-wearing phone-wielding teenagers; children grow up and bring new partners into the household; parents become older and more infirm.
Stubbornly insisting that every Christmas is an exact reproduction of all the Christmases that have gone before is a recipe for disappointment. Take stock of Christmas every year and note what still works (eg a family game of Charades) and old habits that really aren’t still sustainable (eg a family walk in the park). Change your expectations accordingly and accept that Christmas is always evolving.
Embrace last-minute additions to your table with warmth and hospitality. If a stray friend or lonely acquaintance is suddenly suggested as a late Christmas addition, take it in your stride. When you are offering a substantial Christmas meal, numbers are never so much of an issue. Most people over-cater for Christmas and extra mouths to feed do not present a major challenge.
Prepare yourself for surprise guests by always having some back-up generic presents in reserve (drink, chocolates, toiletries, or quirky craft items that you’ve bought at the local Christmas fair). That way, you’ll always be able to make your late addition feel doubly welcome by having a present ready for them.
For some of us, the exchange of presents is the main event on Christmas Day, while many people will be anxious to get the whole business over and done with and move on to the Christmas aperitif.
Nevertheless, if you are going to exchange presents (even a streamlined version), do it properly. Gather everyone together and take it slowly, so that each giver has the opportunity to see the recipient open the present and is also able to accept gracious thanks.
Children’s natural tendency is to rip through their presents at an alarming speed, agog to see their Christmas booty. Try to restrain this untrammelled greed; they need to learn to control their baser instincts, and acknowledge each gift in turn.
As a host you cannot control your guests’ reactions to their presents, but it is to be hoped that they have the courtesy to appear delighted by whatever they receive, no matter how mundane, and are able to offer effusive thanks, even if they are disappointed. These simple acts of politeness are the least we should expect.
Christmas is, above all, a group celebration, so leave your personal dramas and preoccupations at the door and if you’ve got a big announcement (marriage, pregnancy, illness), wait until after Christmas day before you spread the news.
Christmas only happens once a year and, as far as possible, the day should be kept sacrosanct. It is an opportunity to take time out from normal life and enjoy in a day of indulgence and treats with friends and family. So, turn the attention away from yourself and find pleasure in focusing on other people.
Charles Dickens is often attributed with ‘inventing’ Christmas, most notably in A Christmas Carol, in which a loving, but poor, family triumphs and melts the stone-cold heart of the archetypical miser, Ebeneezer Scrooge.
The Christmas values Dickens discusses in this work have come to be seen as the ‘Christmas spirit’ –friendliness, warmth, good humour, positivity, generosity. We all know that it is sometimes very hard to maintain these feelings, especially when guests are mean or thoughtless, when we have run up Christmas debts, when our children’s shrill excitement and endless reserves of energy is beginning to get on our nerves.
But, as with all good manners, relentlessly adhering to positive codes of behaviour has an impact on the people around you and tends to attract reciprocal courtesy. So, plaster a smile on your face, be attentive to people’s needs, listen to what people are saying, don’t dominate the conversation, and you too will have a truly Dickensian Christmas.
Top: The Cratchits' Christmas dinner in Dickens's A Christmas Carol, illustrated by E. A. Abbey, 1876
In days gone by, Christmas was seen as a time for almsgiving and Boxing Day (26 December) is a remnant of this custom. The OED traces the earliest print attribution of the term to 1833, which is four years before Charles Dickens referred to it in The Pickwick Papers. Boxing Day (St Stephen’s Day) became an official bank holiday in England and Wales in 1871 and in Scotland in 1974.
There are two theories about the origin of the term. It has been postulated that it arose from the alms boxes that were placed in churches during the Advent season to collect contributions from parishioners for the needy and destitute. Another theory is that Boxing Day derives its name from the ‘Christmas boxes’ that upper class households distributed to their staff, which were filled with money, small gifts and Christmas leftovers and rewarded them for their service throughout the year.
Nowadays Boxing Day is seen essentially as a time to recover from Christmas excess, watch sport on television and possibly indulge in a visit to the Boxing Day Sales. The custom of shops throwing open their doors on Boxing Day emerged in the 1990s when Sunday trading laws were liberalised. A frenzy of retail therapy and self-indulgence seems a far cry from the charitable origins of this bank holiday.
Nonetheless, Christmas is still seen as a time of year when charity should be uppermost in people’s minds, and the traditional practice of Boxing Day giving has now been extended to the weeks running up to Christmas.
In addition to making Christmas donations to favourite charities, it is customary at this time of year to offer thanks for services rendered over the past twelve months. In the days when each household was serviced by a regular postman, milkman, rubbish collector, grocer, and so on, it was traditional to give each person a generous Christmas tip. These days the situation has changed: many of us do not have regular postal deliveries, we encounter dozens of different couriers over the course of year, our contacts with rubbish collectors are perfunctory and we buy milk from the supermarket.
However, for those of us who do employ people on a regular basis, for example cleaners, babysitters, gardeners, now is the time to put our hands in our pockets and reward them for services rendered. When handing out tips face to face, eliminate the awkwardness of proffering cash and simply put a note or two in an envelope with a Christmas card, and write a note of heartfelt thanks.
Nannies/Au pairs: These invaluable employees are almost part of our family and are entrusted with our precious children. They certainly deserve a reward at Christmas and should not be fobbed off with cheap and tacky presents.
Give your nanny or au pair the equivalent of a week’s wages at Christmas. Also give them a present, perhaps saying it’s ‘from the children’.
Babysitters: If you have a regular babysitter who you use throughout the year, it’s a good idea to give him/her a cash gift at Christmas. The amount would depend on the regularity with which you use them and the amount you pay – an extra £20 would be generous.
Cleaners: Another invaluable helper throughout the year, your cleaner deserves a proper Christmas bonus – at least a week’s extra wages would be appropriate. You might also like to give them a small gift (plant, bottle of wine, scented candle, soap, chocolates).
Gardeners: If you employ a gardener/handyman regularly throughout the year, then treat them in the same way as you would a regular cleaner. If they help on a seasonal basis (ie the summer months) you should not feel obligated to reward them at Christmas.
Milkman: If you do still receive milk deliveries (and all the other items that are delivered with your milk these days), it is customary to tip the milkman during the Christmas season – a tenner wrapped up in a note saying “thanks and happy Christmas” will make an adequate gift when he collects the empties.
Postman: If you’re lucky enough to have a regular postie you might feel moved to reward him/her, especially if delivering to your house involves negotiating a long drive, an uphill climb, aggressive dog etc. A £10 tip would be generous.
Your Children’s Teacher: There was a time when parents of children at infant and junior school bought their class teacher a Christmas card and a small gift (e.g. bottle of wine, soap, box of chocolates, house plant). Nowadays, these gifts for class teachers and teaching assistants are usually organised on the class WhatsApp group and given by the whole class, so that the teachers and TAs don’t find themselves inundated with thirty mugs/plants/or boxes of chocolates. Parents usually contribute £5-10 each, depending on how many TAs there are.
The Christmas season is approaching and, while many of us are looking forward to it with feelings of positive anticipation, there are a substantial number of people who dread the festivities and would dearly love to opt out. Grumpily setting your face against Christmas and refusing to participate at all, will inevitably earn you the ‘Christmas Scrooge’ moniker, with all the negative connotations that carries. But are there ways in which the Christmas agnostic can avoid being condemned as a Scrooge and still distance themselves from the whole carnival?
In the run-up to Christmas, you will find that calls for seasonal bonhomie are inevitable, especially if you work in an office. Approaching the entire Christmas season with gloom and trepidation is not an option if you have colleagues who love the whole extravaganza. It really is best to accept this fact with good grace and see the seasonal shenanigans as a team-building exercise. While you may choose to opt out of the present-giving, Christmas Day-feasting fandango, it is the least you can do to wear a Christmas jumper with good grace, plaster a jolly smile on your face, and enthusiastically accept offerings of mince pies, mulled wine and Christmas crackers in the run-up to the big day. It’s just about demonstrating esprit de corps and it will be a black mark against you if you cast a cloud of Scrooge-like cantankerousness around the office.
Even if you don’t want to join your family or friends for Christmas Day celebrations, acknowledge that it is a sociable time of year and accept invitations for social events that are taking place around Christmas time. People who are worried about you and your obvious discomfort at this time of year will have their anxieties somewhat assuaged if you make the odd convivial appearance. They will also be less likely to hound you and persuade you to participate.
If you want to withdraw from Christmas, think about alternatives. You don’t have to disappear from the social scene entirely and you might find that it is possible to instigate a new tradition that is popular and novel.
You could follow the lead of our pagan ancestors and celebrate the winter solstice. The shortest day of the year is a great time for a midwinter celebration, and you can make it entirely your own: you could have a bonfire, fireworks, a dinner which celebrates winter ingredients (eg roasted parsnips or Jerusalem artichokes, fresh figs, quinces etc). Or you could eschew Christmas Day, but invite your friends and family around for a delicious meal on Boxing Day and offer them a fishy alternative to all the Christmas meats, for example a whole cooked salmon. You might soon find that your alternative invitations have become part of your friends’ social calendar and have become an institution.
Alternatively, you could take a look at Christmas Day itself and try and identify the reasons why you do not like it. Is it the heavy food? The orgy of present giving? The people you customarily spend it with? There are no rules and regulations about how Christmas should be spent, and customs evolve and change. You could spend Christmas with friends rather than family, ban present giving, go for a vigorous country walk, eat a delicious curry. Nothing is fixed and it’s down to you to find ways of getting the most out of this time of year.
For some people, the advice given above will simply not be persuasive. They may have profoundly good reasons for their dislike of Christmas: it might be associated with loss, bereavement and family tragedy. Or they may simply consider that it is a time of year that emphasises feelings of loneliness and depression. The relentless diet of Christmas adverts and seasonal tv programmes can overwhelm us with a confected, saccharin version of Christmas that makes many people feel dissatisfied and inadequate.
For some people, the best solution is to withdraw completely. They might prefer to spend the day on their own at home, indulging in their favourite food and binge-watching escapist television, blissfully removed from all the expectations, disasters, disappointments and dramas that they have come to dread.
Whatever the choice of the Christmas nay-sayer it is vital to communicate it clearly to friends and family. Many people will choose to interpret a withdrawal from seasonal celebrations as a cry for help, an indication that the person in question has not been adequately encouraged to participate, and they will renew their invitations and refuse to take no for an answer. This is much more likely to happen if the decision not to take part is conveyed in conversation: people hear what they want to hear and are often unwilling to listen to what is really being said. It is therefore sensible, well before the Christmas season, to write a note or email to the importunate host, clearly outlining and explaining the reasons for your decision not to join in the festivities.
If you are attempting to explain your case of the Christmas blues, never justify yourself by offering a critique. A long spiel about wastefulness, kitsch, greed, eco-irresponsibility and guilt-tripping is just going to cause needless discomfort and distress to potential hosts. You must take responsibility for your own decision, and make it about your own shortcomings or predilections, not everybody else’s.
Christmas cheerleaders who love this time of year and cannot conceive of anyone not sharing their point of view, beware. While it is always a good idea to extend invitations to everyone you would like to attend, including well-known Scrooges, it is also vital to accept refusals, and to respect the individual’s choice. Endless nagging and attempts to persuade them to change their minds will only confirm their already jaded view of the season.
The main thing is to demonstrate that the Scrooge has not been forgotten: it is one thing to decide to opt out of Christmas when you are the possessor of a Christmas invitation; it is another thing to be bereft of seasonal invitations and to have little choice but to spend Christmas on your own. In these circumstances, many people will present their decision as a rejection of the whole Christmas palaver, whereas the truth might be that they really have no alternative.
If you are a Christmas Scrooge but have been subjected to persuasion and social pressure and feel that you have been railroaded into joining a Christmas celebration, you must accept that it is your social responsibility to join in with good grace. That means bringing gifts and good cheer, remaining positive throughout the day, and being prepared to fit in with the hosts’ agenda, whatever it may be. Once you have been persuaded to attend, you must put all grumpiness behind you. And keep reminding yourself: it’s just one day out of 365.
An estimated 8.32 billion emails are sent every day in the UK and it is scarcely surprising that as this mode of communication has become ever more widely used, a myriad ways of opening and closing emails have developed. The strict rules of letter-writing etiquette do not really apply to emails, but nevertheless it is sensible to follow these guidelines to ensure that you don’t cause offence or insult your recipients because you are over-familiar or over-formal:
Old School
These salutations are direct descendants from traditional letter-writing practice. The email is opened with ‘Dear’ followed by the name, and it is up to the writer to decide the level of punctiliousness required. It is increasingly common, even in the professional and business worlds, to use the forename if the recipient is known to you. If the email relates to a formal business transaction with, for example, a solicitor, accountant or insurance broker, you might feel that the occasion demands the more old-fashioned use of ‘Mr, Mrs, Miss or Ms’.
Where the name of the recipient is unknown and you are writing a business email, it is quite appropriate to default to the old-fashioned ‘Dear Sir or Madam’, although ideally you would try and find out the name before writing.
If in doubt, revert to traditional convention, and if you are in receipt of a formal email echo the salutation. If you feel the use of the surname is ridiculously stiff, you can always opt for the ‘Dear John (if I may)’ formulation.
‘Dear’ is by far the most common salutation; most people use it for business and social communications, but there are a growing number of other greetings that are being deployed to convey relaxed informality, friendliness, inclusivity.
Laid-back
The use of ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello’ followed by the forename is growing in popularity and is used amongst friends and, increasingly, business colleagues. In the latter context it is fine for day-to-day communications, but it would seem a bit incongruous if your email was about something serious or important, eg a request for a pay rise, a notification of redundancy, a customer complaint. You have to accept that ‘Hi’ sounds familiar and breezy, and only use it in circumstances where this is what you want to convey.
‘Hi’ is gradually mutating to ‘Hey’ in some circles. This is clearly intended to sound cool, which is fine amongst friends, but often not ideal in other professional contexts. Starting an email with ‘Hey there!’ implies that you do not actually know the name of the recipient but you think you’ll get away with it by sounding easy-going.
Generic
Some people are trying to avoid the whole salutation dilemma by coming up with generic openers (no names included), such as ‘Greetings’. While this sounds perfectly friendly, it seems to indicate that the writer does not know the name of the recipient or is sending the email to an extensive list of names. This depersonalisation inevitably makes the email feel like a circular or piece of marketing material.
Abrupt
People who want to look busy and important often strip down the salutation. They might just use ‘Hi’ with no name to follow; alternatively, they might just preface the email with a forename and no salutation, or even dispense with the salutation altogether. In all these cases, the effect is to sound rude and peremptory.
Old School
If you are writing a formal business email, which is effectively a digital version of a traditional letter, then you should follow well-established etiquette practice. A salutation of ‘Dear Sir’ is matched with ‘yours faithfully’ and a salutation of ‘Dear Mr Rivers/Ms Emerson’ is matched with ‘yours sincerely’. It should be noted that this is at the most formal and decorous end of the spectrum for email formatting and nowadays would tend to be used for official business.
As with greetings, the safest bet is to match the tone and formality of emails you have received – becoming informal too quickly might seem overly casual. If you are initiating a correspondence with a business contact and you have never met, it would probably be safest to default to these more formal sign-offs, especially if the person you are writing to is more senior.
All Good Wishes
Most of us use signoffs that fall into this category, which ends the email on a warm and positive note. At the formal end of the spectrum are signoffs that use the word ‘regards’. The OED cites the first use of the phrase ‘kind regards’ to 1810, by the poet Robert Southey, although the etymology of the word ‘regards’ (from the French,, regarder) dates back to the mid 14th century when it was used to mean a ‘consideration’ or ‘judgement’. This long-established valediction is quite ceremonious. If you ask someone to ‘send my regards’, it is a considerably more formal request than ‘send my love’. So the email signoff is somewhat mitigated by the use of words like ‘kind’, ‘best’ or ‘warmest’.
A more casual version of this kind of signoff is ‘best wishes’, which is bland and neutral and not likely to cause offence.
With Gratitude
Emails can be rather blunt and unadorned, so it is not surprising that some people choose to soften this edge by choosing grateful sounding signoffs. Inevitably, these are only applicable if the email exchange has involved a request or acknowledgement of a favour. It might be diplomatic, if you’re asking someone to do you a favour, to sign off with a ‘Many thanks’.
Reserve these signoffs for situations where a successful transaction is sought or has taken place; signing off with ‘many thanks’ when you are, for example, nagging someone will come across as passive-aggressive, eg “Have you had time to finish that report I requested last week? Many thanks….” ‘With gratitude’ is at the most grateful end of the spectrum and should only be used if you’re feeling genuinely effusive, otherwise it sounds creepily beholden.
Too Busy to Bother
Abbreviated signoffs like KR and BW are passive-aggressive. Is it really too much effort to write out ‘Kind regards’ or ‘Best wishes’? By abbreviating these short phrases, you are indicating that you are too busy or important to bother with the mundane business of signing off your email politely.
Not signing off at all is just rude, unless you know your correspondent really well – you are reverting to a texting style (with no salutation or sign-off), whereas an email should be treated as a quasi-letter.
Super-Informal
Breezy or affectionate signoffs like ‘Cheers’, ‘Have a good weekend!’, ‘Byee!’, ‘love’ are friendly and cheerful and are certainly fine for close colleagues or friends. Most people will respond positively to an informal sign-off, the only risk of using them is if you are communicating professionally with someone who is senior to you. Be careful about using them in professional email threads, especially if the correspondence is being reviewed by a manager, who may frown upon your informality, or find it a little presumptuous. ‘Cheers’ is upbeat and casual, and as such would sound somewhat cloth-eared if you were writing an email that conveyed bad news. Only use this signoff if you want to sound positive and friendly.
If you’re really close to someone, you might dispense with signoffs altogether, just adding your name or even your initial. Signing off with a kiss (x) is fine in certain contexts and with certain people, but it is not the norm in office communications, and it is probably best to think twice if you’re a compulsive email kisser. Not signing off at all turns the email into a text format and looks troublingly abrupt.
It’s the time of year for office parties, which for many of us can turn into etiquette minefields. When ‘end of term’ high spirits and alcohol are mingled with suppressed workplace resentments, grievances and office crushes, it can lead to regrettable incidents that cast a long shadow. For many of us, offices are an important part of our everyday lives, and it is therefore imperative that you don’t let Christmas disinhibition blot your copybook or alienate your colleagues.
The office party has also been somewhat transformed by the rise of hybrid working. Many of us spend substantial parts of our working weeks at home and are becoming unused to day-to-day socialising with colleagues. This fracturing of office social life makes it all the more important that teams are brought together from time to time in a non-working context and Christmas offers an excellent excuse. But because we are unused to seeing each other regularly, these events become more highly charged and we are often more hectic and high-spirited than we might have been in the days of mundane, everyday interactions.
1. It is important that your corporate hospitality looks generous, and nobody will appreciate an invitation to an event that makes various stipulations about paying bars or restrictions on drink. If you are struggling with a tight entertainment budget this year, think about ways in which you can save money without appearing tight-fisted, for example by selecting a more modest venue, or specifying a shorter time span (eg 6-9pm rather than 6-midnight). Being obviously stingy with drinks and food will cause simmering resentment amongst your workforce.|
2. Be meticulous about invitations, and make sure that everyone who has any role on your team (even people who are freelance or work entirely outside the office) is invited. Try to send out invitations with a reasonable amount of notice, and make sure that they are clearly worded: date, time, venue, nature of the event (drinks, drink and supper, etc), dress code (if applicable).
3. As a manager, you are essentially a host, so act like one. When you’re at the party, make sure you mingle and exchange a few words with all the employees invited. Now is not the time to sequester yourself away with other company leaders; Christmas parties are the perfect time to break the ice and get to know your staff.
4. Keep it affable and don’t talk shop. While it’s fine to exchange a few positive remarks with your employees, along the lines of “we’ve had a great year, and thank you very much for everything you’ve done”, now is not the time to start talking about upcoming meetings, new year sales strategies or targets.
DO
•Attend
We all know that office parties come at a very busy time of year, and may well clash with other social arrangements, but it is a really good idea to prioritise them. It’s all part of the workplace esprit de corps, and if you’re a no-show your colleagues might take it amiss (unless you have a very good excuse) and feel that you’re very obviously indicating that you have better things to do. They will feel disregarded and downgraded, and you may well find that a single social lapse has a negative impact on your workplace relationships.
•Attend willingly
Bearing in mind the above, it is a really bad idea to grudgingly attend an office party, while telling everybody about the social engagements you’ve had to miss to do so. This will not only make your colleagues feel like the second-best option, your social grandstanding will antagonise them – nobody likes people who boast about their packed social diary and (infinitely more) glamorous invitations.
•Eat beforehand
Often office parties start straight after work and that means that you’re likely to have a few drinks before any food is offered (and often the food offerings are insubstantial). If you haven’t had a decent lunch, you’ll be drinking on an empty stomach, with all the risks that entails. Of course, you’ll want to have an enjoyable time, but remember intoxication and office hierarchies don’t really mix, and the more disinhibited you become, the more likely you are to put your foot in it or say something career-endangering or embarrassingly indiscreet.
•Think carefully about dress
This is often not an issue, as people turn up at office parties in work dress. But if your party is an evening affair and the expectation is that you’ll dress up for it, think carefully. You’ll want to show that you’ve made an effort to look good, but pulling out all the stops and wowing your team members with an extravagantly glamorous or provocatively revealing showstopper might not be the best policy and you may well be outdoing your colleagues and making them feel uncomfortable. Save that outfit for partying with friends and play it safe.
•Try and talk to as many people as possible
It’s really not a good look to spend the evening in a huddle with your best office friends, not deigning to talk to colleagues you might not know as well. The party is a good opportunity to put names to faces and meet people from different parts of the company. You’re all in the same boat, so it’s easy to march up to people you don’t know and introduce yourself and, if you do so, it will be noted and approved. If you spot any social wallflowers, or colleagues that you know are shy, do them a favour and include them in conversations and introductions.
•Drink moderately and know when to leave
Control your drinking by alternating water and alcoholic drinks. If you know you’re likely to get carried away and drink too much, it’s a good idea to ask a friend to keep an eye on you and drag you away when you’re straying into dangerous territory. In general, aim to leave before the very end of the party – if you’re still draining the last dregs in your glass while people are clearing up and locking the doors, you have definitely outstayed your welcome.
DON’T
•Resist posting on social media
It might be acceptable to take a group photo at the beginning of proceedings and post it, but the best policy is to put your phone away and forget about social media for the duration of the party. If you spend your whole evening posting tawdry images of the event on social media you won’t be making yourself very popular – most images of parties look sleazy and disreputable. And there’s a real risk that you might capture some indiscreet behaviour and broadcast it to all and sundry. Whatever you do, don’t tag the company’s official account.
•Beware buttonholing your boss
If you are intoxicated enough, you might misread the general air of bonhomie at the party as a golden opportunity to corner your boss and drunkenly ask for a pay rise, or a chance to air your views on company policy, working hours, team dynamics and so on. You will regret this misapprehension the following day.
•Avoid turning into a party cheerleader
Don’t force other people to drink. There is nothing criminal or sinister about those who believe they can have a good time on sparkling mineral water, and you should certainly leave them to their own devices.
•Never make a clumsy pass at your secret crush
If there are any possibilities of an office romance, you need to explore them somewhere else away from everybody’s gaze. The office party might well serve as an icebreaker, but your behaviour is being closely observed and will provide endless fodder for office gossips.
•Never take sick leave the following day
If you are expected to work in the office on the day after the party, do your utmost to comply, no matter how desperately ill and hungover you’re feeling. Everyone knows why you are calling in sick and your feeble lies will be a black mark against you, no matter how convivial or entertaining you were the night before.
The morning after an office social debacle can be an excruciating affair. The dimly remembered indiscretions of the night before are the water-cooler and coffee-machine gossip-fodder of the morning after. Walking into an office after a unfortunate social performance takes reserves of insouciance and chutzpah that many of us simply don’t possess.
So, remember the limitations of office life. Save your wildest, most uninhibited behaviour for you friends, and ration your intake of the demon drink at the work social. You may come across as demure and self-contained, but at least you’ll be able to hold your head up the following morning.
If indiscretions have occurred, what are you going to do about it? The average office party sin (straightforward drunkenness) may be best left without apology – your misdeeds may well be forgotten in the mists of alcoholic amnesia. But if you badly overstepped the mark, then it’s time to take a deep breath and humble yourself. Make sure of your facts (by making discreet enquiries of a trusted friend) before embarking on the process of apologising. You should know for certain what you did wrong, and to whom you should apologise.
The British are prolific Christmas card senders. Even in the face of steeply rising postal costs, the Royal Mail estimates that it handles 150 million cards a year and each British adult receives an average of 17 cards per year. Most surprisingly of all, there are reports that Christmas card purchases are rising in the 18-30 age group, a sign perhaps that a generation that has grown up with a battery of instant communication methods at their fingertips has come to value the old-fashioned pleasures of the traditional card.
Here's our four-point guide to Christmas cards:
There is evidence that some retailers are seeing a rise in single card purchases, indicating that consumers might be making discriminating choices about their cards, rather than opting for big variety boxes.
There is also evidence that many people are choosing to make their own cards, complete with stick-on glitter and home-printed imagery. Just remember that, with the possible exception of senior politicians and the royal family, sending out a photograph of your fabulous family is not the ideal Christmas greeting. It smacks of self-satisfaction and self-promotion, and these are not emotions that you should be disseminating during the festive season.
Buying Christmas cards that support a charitable cause is a venerable tradition, and it is estimated that Christmas card purchases raise an impressive £50 million per year.
Finally, think carefully about the imagery. If you’re sending out cards to a cross-generational mix of friends and relatives, you might have to consider carefully before sending out cards with rude jokes, saucy images or obscene greetings. You might have to consider buying different sets of cards for different groups of recipients. If you’re highly secular, religious images might seem incongruous – recipients who know you well will be puzzled by your appropriation of religious imagery. Take care when sending cards to those of other faiths: to this end ‘Season’s Greetings’ may be more appropriate than ‘Merry Christmas’.
If you care about recycling or you’re sending your card to someone who is very eco-conscious, avoid choosing a foil or glitter design. Choose a gloss or matte finish card instead, as these can be recycled.
The days when we all had over-stuffed address books, which were a palimpsest of our social history, full of crossed-out and new addresses for our oldest friends, are long gone. Many people no longer keep a record of their friends’ addresses (no longer necessary when everyone can be contacted by text, email or social media) and the Christmas season involves a mad scramble as would-be card-senders struggle to find current addresses, postcodes etc.
Learn from experience and find a way of recording addresses. This might well be a spreadsheet that you keep on your laptop rather than an old-fashioned address book, but just remind yourself how useful this level of organisation can be.
Christmas cards are a great way of keeping in touch with old friends, but you should use them as a simple aide memoire rather than the vehicle for an epic recounting of all your last year’s triumphs and travails. It is not practical to write extensive messages in every card you write, and your prosy greetings will get lost amongst all the other incoming Christmas communications.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can circumvent the onerousness of writing repeated long messages by sending a reproduced ‘round robin’ newsletters. Because these rambling accounts of your family’s doings are aimed at a wider audience, with no element of personalisation, they tend to become boastful, heedless monologues, which can be off-putting rather than engaging.
Keep your message short and sweet. It’s fine just to sign your name/s, or you can add a simple message of the “I hope you have a great Christmas and am very much looking forward to seeing you early in the new year’ variety.
Tailor your message to your recipient. If you’re sending a card to your manager, a neighbour or your child’s teacher, it’s not appropriate to sign it with ‘love’ and xxxx. Revert to the more formal ‘with best wishes’ type greeting. For semi-formal cards, sign with your forename and surname, for example ‘John and Jane Debrett’, rather than ‘Mr and Mrs Debrett’.
Handwrite your message and, if possible your envelope, in ink. Even for those who do not recognise your writing, handwriting makes it look like you have made an effort. People who are close to you will be familiar with your handwriting and – without opening the envelope – will feel a pleasurable pulse of anticipation and recognition.
Christmas cards are traditionally sent in envelopes with diagonal flaps. Always use stamps on Christmas cards – never put cards through your office franking machine. Keep an eye on last posting dates and make sure to get them in the mail on time – Christmas cards on the mat in the dog days between Christmas and new year are a somewhat depressing sight. Remember, it is fine to hand-deliver cards around your neighbourhood but, if possible, put them through the letterbox as it slightly undermines the gesture if you are physically handing over a Christmas card.
Rest assured, recipients will be delighted by the effort that has gone into writing and sending (or delivering) their card. They will recognise that you have had to purchase cards and stamps, find their address, handwrite a personal message and walk down to the postbox to mail the card. This represents so much more investment than merely sending an e-card, or texting a quick Christmas message, even if it is embellished by seasonal emojis. It would appear that the number of people who continue to send Christmas cards would agree that all that effort is worthwhile.
If you’re sending out invitations to a formal event this festive season you will be keen to get your forms of address right and to ensure that your invitations do not look slapdash or careless.
Many of us will be attending office parties this Christmas and will be enjoying a casual get-together with no anxieties about formal address and invitation styles. But Christmas is also a time of year when many companies and institutions host formal events and, if that is the case, invitations should follow these guidelines, which are also applicable to more formal social events:
•Invitations to official events are usually issued on a card, which may be engraved or flat-printed in script or Roman type. The invitation should make clear the nature of the event, the date and location, the dress code (if applicable), the time of the event and, if desired, the time it will end.
•The name/s of the guest/s are handwritten on the invitation, in the top left-hand corner, or in the allocated place in the centre of the card. On the invitation, guests’ names and titles are given in full (eg Mr and Mrs Hugh Berkeley, Lady Hermione Cork, The Earl and Countess of Tolworth), but postnominal letters are not included.
•On the envelope, on the other hand, guests are accorded their full professional title as well as postnominals (orders and decorations). While it was traditional for invitations to social events to be sent to the wife only, it is now customary for the envelope to be addressed in full to the couple.
•On envelopes, invitations to official events name the guest by his/her office (eg ‘The Prime Minister’) and/or name. This means his or her full title, rank etc, followed by his/her decorations etc. Prefixes such as ‘His Grace’, ‘His Excellency’ and ‘The Right Worshipful’ are, however, omitted, with the exception of ‘The Rt Hon’, which is included for a privy counsellor.
•Joint forms of address often pose challenges. The examples below offer some guidance:
The Rt Hon the Prime Minister and Mrs Downing or Mr Whitehall
The Duke and Duchess of Mayfair
The Lord and Lady Mayoress of London
The President of the Royal Academy, Sir John Burlington, KBE, and Lady Burlington
Mr Donald and Dame Helen Bond
Sir Eric and Lady Beaumont
The Master of the Worshipful Company of Haberdashers and Mrs Eileen Green
The Bishop of London and Mr Peter Worthington
The Earl of Aldford, OBE, MC and the Countess of Aldford
Dr James and Mrs Florence Curzon
Mr Richard and Dr Emily Mountjoy
Dr Sarah and Mr Richard Mountjoy*
Lt-Colonel John and Mrs Rebecca Mount
Mr Peter and Group Captain Helen Bruton
Brigadier James and Major Susan Stratton
Professor Walter and Mrs Rosemary Wilkinson
Mr George and Professor Catherine Fitzwilliam
Professor Sir Edmund and Professor Dame Alison Greenbury
The Reverend John and Mrs Anna Bolton
Mr Dominic and the Reverend Clarissa Berwick
Mr Henry and Mrs Fiona Hardwick (OR Mr and Mrs Henry Hardwick)**
*While it has been traditional for the man’s name to come first when married couples are invited, these days the woman’s name would come first if she is the prime recipient of the invitation (eg a female clergywoman at a church-related event, or a female academic at a university function).
** It has become increasingly common for married women and widows to use their own forenames and initials, rather than being called, for example, ‘Mrs Andrew Hill’ (even though in the past this was considered incorrect because it indicated that the marriage had been dissolved). If in doubt, check with the woman in question to avoid offence.
•Invitations to non-married pairs of guests take these forms:
Brother and sister – Mr John Edwards and Miss/Ms Louisa Edwards
Mother and son – Mrs George Chesterfield and Mr William Chesterfield (note that invitations to adult offspring are usually sent separately from those to their parents)
Unmarried couple – Mr Richard Maddox and Miss/Ms Elsa Curzon***
***In business, ‘Ms’ is often used as a convenient female equivalent of ‘Mr’. It is, however, always advisable to find out if someone prefers to be styled as ‘Miss’, ‘Mrs’ or ‘Ms’. Many women also prefer to be styled ‘Ms’ in social situations.
As we enter the party season, we’ve decided to take a look at stylish aperitifs and digestifs, which will bookend your festive meals. A good host should be able to offer a selection of drinks before and after dinner and there are a few traditional choices that are always a good idea to keep in stock.
While much of the time we are contented to drink wine all evening when we are eating with friends, it is undoubtedly the case that offering a range of aperitifs and digestifs will enhance your hosting credentials. Your savoir faire will be applauded and the evening will be that little bit more memorable. This will certainly be the case if you serve these drinks in the correctly shaped glasses, with all the recommended trimmings.
This is a pre-meal drink that stimulates the appetite and the palate. While a common choice is a glass of chilled white wine, sparkling wine or champagne, you can also offer chilled dry sherry, vermouth and Campari, a classic gin and tonic, or – more ambitiously – cocktails. If you venture in the world of spirits, remember that you are upping the alcohol content and some guests might be bowled over by your delicious concoctions, so proceed with care. This warning applies above all to the host, as getting intoxicated before the onerous business of serving the meal is a real hosting no-no.
•Sherry
If you keep a bottle of Fino or chilled Manzanilla in the fridge, your guests will find that these young, pale sherries are an excellent accompaniment to salty snacks, canapés or olives. At this time of year, you might want to opt for the richer flavour of Palo Cortado, dry Oloroso or Amontillado, which are delicious when served slightly chilled, and will really enhance savoury, herb-infused winter flavours, such as cocktail sausages or devils on horseback.
Serve in a tapered, stemmed glass that is the perfect shape for the unique flavour and aroma of sherry. Alternatively, use a wine glass with a generous bowl, which allows the aromas to develop.
•A Campari Cocktail
Some people find the bitter, aromatic taste of Campari, an alcoholic liqueur made from an infusion of herbs and fruit in alcohol and water, an acquired taste, but it a sophisticated option, redolent of Mediterranean evenings and Italian panache. It can simply be served with soda, or with prosecco and soda. But a cocktail that is simply made of Campari, vodka and a dash of Angostura bitters truly showcases its unique taste. Simply finish off with ice and sliced lemon.
Serve in a short, heavy tumbler (also referred to as an ‘Old Fashioned glass’ that is typically used for whisky and drinks that are served on the rocks.
•Martini
The classic martini is gin-based and works well because the juniper and aromatics in gin pair well with the herby taste of white vermouth. This fortified wine is blended and infused with different herbs and botanicals – once opened it is recommended you keep it in the fridge to avoid oxidization. If you prefer the blander, smoother taste of vodka, it is quite acceptable to substitute it for the gin.
To make a martini combine 2 parts gin or vodka with 1 part dry vermouth and ice cubes in a mixing receptacle. If you’re going to stir your martini (rather than shaking it in a cocktail shaker), wait 30 seconds, stir with a long bar spoon, then strain the cocktail into a chilled martini glass (simply put it in the freezer beforehand). Finish off by paring a lemon then pinching the back of the lemon peel over the martini (do not put lemon peel in the glass). Garnish with two or three green olives, speared on a cocktail stick.
Serve in an iconic stemmed V-shaped cocktail glass, which allows to be held by the stem, thereby keeping the drink cool, but enhancing the flavours of the cocktail.
These are drinks that are served after a meal, also known as nightcaps, which are traditionally drunk to aid digestion. Digestifs are usually strong and dark-coloured spirits, such as brandy, Cognac and whisky. Fortified wines, such as port or Madeira, are also traditional options, as well as sweet liqueurs.
Hosts beware: once you bring out your range of digestifs you will inevitably be committing to a protracted evening – your guests are likely to be beguiled by your range of delicious offerings and may show a tendency to linger over their drinks. So only go down this route if you are prepared to stay the course, as rationing guests to one drink and fretting about the lateness of the hour is never ideal hosting behaviour.
•Rum
A dark rum, aged for several years, has notes of toffee and spice and is an excellent complex drink for sipping and savouring. For those who find dark rum too challenging, golden rum – often used in cocktails – is also delicious drunk neat after a meal. If you have guests who are not fans of these dark, complex drinks and who have a sweet tooth and favour lighter drinks, you could always in invest in a bottle of spiced rum. This is a rum that has been flavoured with herbs and spices, such as cloves, cinnamon, cassia, vanilla, star anise, citrus fruit, nutmeg, cardamom, orange peel, and ginger, and many people will find it more palatable.
Serve rum in a tulip shaped glass, where the rim is slightly narrower than the bowl, directing the aromas to the nose.
•Whisky
The most prized bottles of Scotch whisky are single malts; these are produced from malted barley at a single distillery in Scotland. There are six recognised regions – Speyside, Lowlands, Highlands, Islay, Campbeltown and Islands – and each has its own distinctive style and character. Whisky should be drunk however you like it best. Adding water to a single malt is no longer frowned upon by the cognoscenti, but adding ice is still thought by many to interfere with the aromas.
If you like your whisky on the rocks, opt for an Old-Fashioned glass (see above). If you want to savour the aromas of neat whisky opt for a ‘Glencairn’ (tulip shaped) glass, which is a heavy-based tumbler with a narrow rim and a wider bowl.
•Cognac
Cognac (French grape brandy) has different grades depending on its age. VS (Very Special) is the youngest, having been stored for a minimum of two years in cask; VSOP (Very Superior Old Pale) is stored for at least four years but is often much older; XO is the oldest it must be stored in cask for a minimum of six years but, on average, is at least 20 years old. Some of the best (and most expensive) Cognac is an XO from a single estate.
Serve Cognac in a brandy balloon or brandy snifter, which is a bulbous glass which, when cradled in the palm, warms the spirit, intensifying the bouquet and enhancing the flavour.
•Herbal Liqueurs
You could also introduce your guests to the sophisticated world of herbal liqueurs. Their foundation is a neutral alcohol such as vodka, which is then sweetened and flavoured with a range of herbs and spices, such as anise, fennel, mint, chamomile, thyme, and various other botanicals. Experiment with some famous examples such as Chartreuse, Fernet, Strega, or Amaro. All these liqueurs should be served neat or on the rocks.
Serve these drinks in an Old-Fashioned glass, if you are serving them on the rocks. If not, choose a small-bowled liqueur glass, designed for elegant sipping.
•Port
Port is a sweet, fortified wine from the Douro region of Portugal; it is traditionally drunk with cheese or after a meal. Bottle-aged port spends little time in a cast, whereas cask-aged ports mature in wooden barrels until they are ready to drink. It is wine to be laid down, as a cask-aged port that spends two years in a barrel will last 20-30 years in a bottle. It is best to drink vintage port.
You can use the same sort of glass for port as you do for sherry, ie a tapered, stemmed glass, which will funnel the aromas up to your nose.
Port Etiquette
If a port decanter is placed on the table, help yourself and then pass it on, always to the left. If the decanter passes you without your glass being filled, never attempt to ask for the decanter, thereby making it change direction. The decanter must return to the host without being put down. The tradition of passing the port originates from naval dinners where there port was passed ‘Port to port’ around the table – ie to the left.
