Party season is approaching and, with it, the strong likelihood that you will be receiving an invitation to a social event. Invitations can take on a multiplicity of formats and sometimes interpreting what they are trying to say and deducing what kind of event is being envisaged is a confusing hurdle for the partygoer, while creating an invitation that clearly explains what to expect can be a challenge for the host. We’ve devised a guide for navigating this social maze:

1. What Type of Party is It?

While it is true that social life has become increasingly casual and most socialising is arranged by text or email, when hosts are laying on a special event the first, and most, obvious way of advertising this fact is by sending an invitation rather than using more convenient instant messaging.

The most formal form of invitation is, of course, a printed physical object that is sent by post. For many of us, this is an increasingly rare phenomenon, usually only encountered in the form of wedding invitations. But you can be sure that if your host goes to the trouble of getting an invitation printed and posted, then you are the very privileged recipient of a special social summons.

Nowadays, a more common ploy is to design an invitation and then send it as an email attachment. While it lacks the social clout of stiff card and professional printing, it still would indicate that this is an event with ambitions. The design of the e-invitation is still indicative of the nature of the event (see below) and indicates that a certain amount of planning and organisation has gone into arranging it.

Whether your invitation is hard copy or digital, try and ensure that the appearance of it matches the event you are planning. Guests will interpret Copperplate type or an elegant, classic typeface such as Trajan, Garamond or Baskerville as indicative of a formal, sophisticated occasion. At the other end of the spectrum, a modern sans serif such as Helvetica, Gill, Univers or Avenir will signal a much sleeker and more contemporary feel. There are, of course, any number of typefaces in between, which can be used to convey zany eccentricity or humour or can evoke a distinctive era such as the 1960s or 1970s.

If your invitation is to celebrate a specific event, such as a birthday or anniversary, make this explicit – guests will not thank you if they turn up at a birthday party, for example, ignorant and empty-handed. Adding the words “to celebrate….” After the “You are invited to a party” line should iron out any confusion.

A text message or email note of invitation is convenient and direct but, above all, it indicates that the event is an impromptu, spur of the moment affair, which has not required much forethought. As such, it would be a real faux pas to mix messaging media and, for example, indicate a black-tie dress code on an invitation sent by text. Your guests might suspect you of social pretensions, coupled with cheapskate tendencies.

2. What Should I Wear?

The very first question that most guests will want answering is “what is the dress code?” If they are in receipt of a casual invitation to a familiar event (for example a group of friends who take it in turns to host dinner), then they will know full well what to expect and there will be no confusion about the level of formality involved.

On the other hand, it is always useful to provide a dress code when you’re inviting a larger number of guests, many of whom may not be familiar with your entertaining style. If you do not specify a dress code most guests will assume that your drinks party is fairly informal and will default to smart casual clothing. This might cause them some anxiety (which of course you want to avoid) and they may be unsure that they have got the dress code right, which is not a good start to your party.

For ‘Smart casual’ there are several options: men can wear lounge suits, with or without a tie (which can always be removed if it feels too formal), or jackets and tailored trousers, shirts with collars. Avoid jeans, t-shirts and trainers. Women can opt for elegant dresses or trouser and jacket combinations, but should avoid full-length, sequinned evening gowns, which will definitely be over the top. They can always dress up their outfit with heels, a glittery evening bag, jewellery. It is always considered best to err on the side of being over-dressed as it least it shows that you have made an effort. Turning up at a smart party in jeans and a sweatshirt is a blunder, and it is very hard to remedy the situation when you are under- rather than over-dressed.

Generally, if old-fashioned terms, such as ‘black tie’ are used, adherence to the code is expected. It is increasingly common to use more generic terms such as ‘cocktail attire’, ‘smart frocks’ or ‘party dress’. These codes explicitly release guests, especially men, from rigid strictures. They can discard dinner jackets and bow ties if they choose and opt for smart lounge suits, velvet jackets, Nehru collars and so on. Women can choose whatever dress or trouser combination they feel will make them look chic and glamorous.

Another way of indicating that traditional strictures are being relaxed is ‘creative black tie’. A man might be able to take the basic building blocks of black tie and introduce some variations (eg a normal black tie instead of a bow tie), the addition of a glamorous waistcoat, or possibly a velvet smoking jacket instead of the standard black dinner jacket.

Hosts who indulge in more inventive flights of fancy, whose gnomic or provocative dress codes recommendations throw their guests into disarray, should not be surprised if the whole dress code question is a contentious point. As a guest you may have to be something of a mind-reader to conjure the associations your host has in their head when they use terms like ‘furs and candlelight’, ‘Gatsby glamour’ or ‘cosy opulence’. These codes are evoking an elusive ambience and as a guest you will have to find some mundane details – a fur stole, fur-trimmed evening gloves, feather boa, cashmere wrap – that chime with the general idea. Hosts should think carefully before setting guests this kind of challenge.

If you issue your invitations and are met by a flurry of anxious texts from your guests seeking dress guidance, then you can be sure you have not got the dress code guidance right. If you are the disconcerted guest, consider talking to a fellow partygoer and getting an idea of what they are planning to wear before you fly into a blind panic and contact your host.

3. What are the Timings?

It is considerate to indicate the anticipated time span of your party to your guests. It is quite common, in the case of drinks parties, for this to be relatively short. Adding, for example, ‘6pm–8pm’ to your invitation is helpful: it indicates that the party is only two hours, therefore guests will need to arrive promptly. It also tells your guests that you have an end time in view – while the party might overrun slightly, it is clear that it is an early evening affair and the expectation is that guests will move on for dinner.

Timings for more ambitious parties, which are anticipated to occupy the whole evening, can also be clarified. One option is to add an end time (eg ‘8pm–midnight’). If you are much more relaxed about the length of your party, you can indicate this (eg ‘8pm until late’). If you are sending a formal, traditional invitation you might want to use the old-fashioned formulation: ‘Carriages at midnight’.

4. Where is the Venue?

Often the address to which guests should RSVP and the venue of the party are different, so it is very important to design the invitation so that the venue is centre-stage (along with the date). Unless the venue is famous (eg a well-known hotel or club), it is always useful to add a full postcode: guests can input it into their phone maps, or key it into their Satnav, and it will make finding it much easier.

5. Will There be Food?

This is a vexed question for many guests, who receive invitations and are unsure what kind of food will be provided and whether they should eat beforehand or arrange to go out for dinner afterwards.

It is safe to assume that an early evening party is essentially a drinks party. Hosts can hammer this message home by adding ‘Drinks and canapés’, but even if it isn’t explicitly added, guests can probably assume that some kind of light food will be provided.

If a party takes up the whole of the evening, however, it is important to apprise guests of the catering arrangements. The simplest option (traditionally in the bottom right-hand corner of the invitation, with the RSVP details in the bottom left) is to list a ‘mini timetable, eg:

Drinks 8pm
Supper 9.30pm
Dancing 11pm-1am

Or

Dinner & Dancing 8pm for 8.30pm

Or

Drinks 8pm; Buffet supper 9.30pm

Guests will know what to expect and can plan accordingly. If you do not mention that you are offering a substantial food element, guests may assume that only canapés will be provided throughout the evening and may choose to eat before the party.

6. Do I Need to Reply?

All invitations require a prompt reply, whether it is an acceptance or refusal. However, many guests are remiss about fulfilling this obligation, so it is important to include a prominent RSVP (with an email address to make it easier for guests) on invitations.

Guests should reply as soon as possible and adhere to their response – changing your mind at the last moment is just rude. Take a moment to imagine the travails of your host and recognise that juggling guest numbers is always onerous, so it behoves you to be as prompt and decisive as possible.

7. Can I Bring Someone?

The prospect of being overwhelmed by unwanted guests causes many hosts anxiety, and the best way to guard against this is to address invitation cards personally. On a traditional printed invitation, the convention is that the name of the guest/s is handwritten at the top left. If you are sending out digital invitations, you might consider personalising each invitation with your guest’s name. Either way, naming your guest/s, whether it is an individual or a couple, gives a clear indication that the invitation only applies to them. If, on the other hand, you are more than happy to welcome extra guests, then this should be explicitly stated, by adding ‘plus one’ or ‘and guest’; if possible, you should try and find out the name of any potential extra guests and add them to the invitation.

As a guest, you should respect these naming conventions and resist the temptation of bombarding your host with requests to bring extra people. If you feel you cannot avoid bringing an extra guest (eg if they’re staying with you for the weekend of the party), then you should write to your hosts beforehand, explain and seek permission.