Extricating yourself from conversations and moving on at social events is a challenge for many of us. We are conscious that we should circulate and not hunker down with one conversational partner for the whole of the evening – we owe it to our hosts. We are also understandably alarmed at the prospect of getting stuck with a boring or unappealing person, with no obvious – or polite – means of escape.

We all should recognise the signs of discomfort and restlessness when a conversation has run its course or has simply not taken off. Eye contact becomes intermittent, with a propensity to look around the room or over the shoulder of your conversational partner. There is a tendency to become fidgety, perhaps to fiddle with your face, hair or fingernails. There might even be an irresistible urge to yawn.

Learning how to move on without giving offence is an essential skill so you do not get stuck with people. It is also important to be aware of your own impact on other people – if you are monopolising a guest, and you see telltale signs of shiftiness, then you have turned into the problem, and it would be a gracious gesture to give your conversational partner an escape route: “I think I’ve been monopolising you for too long! It’s been lovely talking to you, but I guess we should circulate”. The key to social tact is to do as you would be done by and that means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.

We’ve looked at a range of techniques for extricating yourself from social conversations – some are much more obvious, and potentially impolite, than others:

Blunt Exits

•Checking your watch

Glancing at your watch, and saying with mock surprise “Goodness, is that the time? I really must get on” is a dead giveaway. Nobody will really believe that you are under time pressure; they will see it as an obvious ploy to escape and an obvious sign of boredom. Demonstrating that you are aware of time passing is rude – it indicates that you are finding the person you are talking to less than fascinating.

•Checking your phone

Fiddling with your phone during social encounters is always rude, unless you have (and explicitly mention) a good excuse. Checking your phone and then saying “Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m going to have to make a quick call” will certainly get you out of a conversation, but it will leave the other person feeling snubbed, and that is not a desirable outcome.

•Spotting your friend

Looking over your interlocutor’s shoulder and then saying “Oh, there’s my friend xxxxxx, I really must go and talk to him/her!” clearly indicates that you find the prospect of talking to someone else much more alluring than continuing the conversation. It would be better to beckon your friend over, introduce them, and see if their presence enlivens the conversation, or acts as a natural break.

•Going home

Saying that “it’s been great talking to you” but indicating that it’s time to go home is an effective way of exiting a conversation, but it is essential that you carry through. If you use this excuse and are then spotted an hour later, deep in animated conversation, then it will be quite clear that you were desperate to make an escape.

•Self-sabotage

Spilling your wine, dropping your canapé down your front, ‘accidentally’ breaking your glass – these are all desperate measures that will undoubtedly end the conversation, but is this really your only recourse?

Subtle Exits

•Spot the host

It’s always acceptable to use the host as an excuse. It is considered courteous at a social event to have a few words with the host/hostess, and to thank them for the party, so it is quite acceptable to say “There’s xxxxx – I haven’t seen him/her yet and I really must go and say hello.”

•Excuse yourself

Ask where the cloakrooms are, or just say “please excuse me” (the implication being that you are going to the loo). As long as you make this excuse discreetly, it will be considered quite admissible and is a failsafe way of exiting a conversation. But make sure you are seen to go to the cloakroom and are not immediately waylaid by a more interesting guest/conversation.

•Offer to procure a drink

This makes you look hospitable and helpful, but it also gets you away from the conversation. If you really have no desire to return, you could allow yourself to become ‘intercepted’ en route, or you could enlist the assistance/support of a good friend, who will change the dynamic of the conversation when you return.

•Play the circulation card

If you’re stuck with a bore and you’re desperate to terminate the conversation, it’s always a good idea to say, “It’s been great talking to you, but I suppose we really must circulate”. This is a subtle way of indicating that the conversation should break up and you should both move on, but it is dressed up as a social obligation, so there is no danger of giving the other person offence.

•End on a positive note

You don’t have to make an excuse, you can just terminate the conversation with a phrase like “Well I’ve really enjoyed meeting you, but now I must move on”. You can always make this bald statement more palatable by saying something positive about the encounter: “I was really fascinated to hear about your trip to Cairo, I’m going to look up the hotel you mentioned” etc etc. That way, you will suffuse your partner with a warm glow of appreciation, which will dispel any disappointment they feel about your departure.