We live in a world of online communications, where mistakes are magnified, and we need to take care. Our phones and computers give us the opportunity to write texts, emails, messages or posts without much deliberation or forethought and spontaneously press ‘send’. The deed is done, and the tangible results are out there for all to see. An embarrassing faux-pas is witnessed by a potentially large (and expanding) number of followers and it cannot be deleted.

It is vital that we remind ourselves that the internet might appear to be about instantaneous communication, fleeting stories and fast-paced interactions. All this is true, but it is also true that everything is retained. We cannot undo our communications, and we cannot control how other people choose to handle them (screenshots, copy and pasting, forwarding, re-posting). The minute we press that seductive send button, our message is outside our control. And we all know that a diligent researcher can unearth our more embarrassing or offensive posts or indiscreet photographs with disastrous consequences.

None of this information comes as a surprise to anybody, but we are still remarkably casual about how we handle the digital world. Intellectually we know that our modest message in a bottle could go viral (or at least reach many people), but we never seem to be able to fully discard the illusion that we are simply communicating with our own inner circle of like-minded friends, associates or colleagues, with potentially harmful consequences.

It is essential that we take care online. We have put together the following guidelines, which also addresses the aftermath of a careless mistake:

Checks Before Posting or Sending

•Spell and Sense Check

We’ve all become transfixed by our own speediness and ability to multi-task; we type while we talk or walk, we fire off texts with impressive keyboard dexterity. But inevitably we make mistakes, and spell-checkers are not reliable safety nets. In fact, they quite often substitute their own quirky (and baffling) alternatives for misspelt or less commonly used words, with predictably confusing, and frustrating, results.

Try and get into the habit of pausing after you’ve dashed off a digital missive, and carefully reading what you’ve written. It will cost you a few seconds but save you an ocean of embarrassment.

•Language check

It’s not just about the spelling and grammar, you also need to think about the tone and sense of what you’ve written. Humour is particularly precarious territory – your sarcastic wind-ups might cause an amused titter amongst your friends, and fire up real feelings of outrage amongst people who don’t know you as well. Irony is hard to convey in short texts or posts and subtle emotions often get lost in translation.

Beware the regrettable tendency to use capital letters, exclamation marks and strings of emojis for emphasis. The texts come across as needlessly hectoring and aggressive and, because they deploy non-subtle language tools, people will also find them infantile.

•Recipient Check

Our technology, with its helpful ability to record names and contact details on all our devices, can sometimes work against us. If you are doing your texting and emailing at a headlong, heedless pace, you may well find yourself adding the wrong recipient to email chain or inviting an unintended guest to your group chat. Most of the time this is merely embarrassing, but we’ve all seen the dire consequences of these basic errors, sometimes amongst high-ranking individuals in top government chat groups, so it really does pay to take the time to check.

If you send an email or text to the wrong recipient, immediately contact them, apologise and correct the error. With any luck, your mistake won’t be too embarrassing, but if you’ve really blundered, you might need to eat humble pie.

•Thread Check

This is a pitfall that is particularly common when forwarding emails. A whole thread is sent on, and buried deep in the communications, there is some sensitive information, or an insulting remark, or some intelligence that is not for general consumption. It is very easy to just focus on the most recent email when pressing the ‘Forward’ button, and overlook the long history that inevitably comes with it, but all those previous communications are potentially incriminating, so it pays to be extra-vigilant.

•Impact on other people check

This is a posting pitfall, and it involves thinking carefully before posting and assessing if anyone is going to suffer because of your post. It could be a photograph where a friend or associate is clearly visible, and tagged, in an embarrassing situation. It could be gossip that might find its way to the wrong person, or you might be breaching confidentiality, or spilling the beans about someone else’s secrets without really meaning to. Think through the consequences, both to you and other people, of everthing you post.

The Aftermath

•Apologise to everyone, promptly

When it all goes wrong, it is essential that you apologise as soon as possible. If you’ve posted something that has gone viral for all the wrong reasons, immediately refute it with a public apology. If your slapdash behaviour online has had an impact on just one person, write them a personal, and heartfelt, note of apology. Do not let the offence linger, unaddressed and festering, in the digital space.

•Take full responsibility

Part of apologising effectively is taking full responsibility for your error. You will need to give an explanation for your mistake, even if it is simply admitting that you have been unforgivably careless. Don’t make excuses (stress, deadlines, distractions etc) – they really won’t mitigate the offence. Don’t blame other people or plead ignorance; the fact is we’re all personally responsible for what we say online, and we should only put ourselves out there if we’ve got something to say and are willing take responsibility for saying it.

•Don’t go into attack mode

Never attack the people who are pillorying or criticising you for your mistake. It is a very common defensive posture to meet criticism with head-on aggression, but this will only compound the mistake and make people feel even more angry with you.

•Know when to move on

Don’t get dragged into endless chats about your online shortcomings. As long as you have acknowledged your mistake and apologised for it, you have done the best you can, and we all have to understand that mistakes, however regrettable, will be made. Getting caught up in endless post-mortems is only going to keep the offence alive, so do your best to draw a line under it – this might mean withdrawing from the online world for a spell, or moderating your input into group chats and forums, which will allow the dust to settle.