The revised and updated edition of our perennial classic, the Debrett’s Guide for the Modern Gentleman, is published on 1st May.
This encyclopaedic guide contains an eclectic miscellany of information for the modern gentleman, from our traditional advice on good manners, tailoring and dress codes to extreme sports, grooming, exercise regimes, travel tips, home comforts, collecting, driving, classic cars and gastronomy.
We believe that a defining characteristic of a modern gentleman is his savoir-faire. He is calm, competent, knowledgeable and worldly, able to deal with a myriad of different circumstances and challenges with charm and ease.
We hope that our new edition of the Guide will be an enlightening and entertaining companion. Our A-Z selection of sample topics below is intended merely to give a flavour of the range and diversity of its contents.
Great for cardiovascular ability and for improving fitness, aerobic classes became popular, primarily for women, in the 1980s, but are now equally enjoyed by men. Bodypump combines aerobic exercises with hand-weights, which involves high-repetitions with low weights, making it great for toning and fitness.
If you’ve had a bad day and don’t want to talk at the barbers, that’s fine, as long as you’re not silent to the point of rudeness. Talking on the phone makes the barber’s job impossible and is bound to cause irritation. When you first go to a new barber, tell him your style, your likes and dislikes – don’t just say “do what you think is best”. If you’re happy with your haircut, it’s normal to tip around 10 per cent.
Caviar is the roe of the sturgeon fish. It is best eaten as simply as possible, served at room temperature. A true connoisseur would never disguise the true taste of caviar with additions such as sour cream, lemon or onions. The average portion is approximately 30g. Test caviar’s freshness by placing a small amount on the fleshy part of your hand between your thumb and index finger – it should not smell fishy. Vodka is a perfect partner.
Men were always expected to hold doors open for women to pass through first, and it is still considered a polite gesture. But if a woman arrives at the door first and starts to open it, a man shouldn’t rush in front of her exclaiming “I’ll get that!”; most women do not expect to be ‘helped’ through doors by their male companions. Everyone who passes through a door should check behind them to ensure that they are not letting the door slam in someone’s face.
A mono-brow can be shaved easily, but it’s more effective to pluck between your two brows. Make sure you don’t over-pluck as, over time, the hair may not grow back – and you don’t want to look permanently startled. If in doubt, get it done by a professional.
A ‘signature’ fragrance is an important component in your personal armoury; it should be a memorable and individual reflection of your ‘brand’. Your fragrance is the finishing touch to your clothes and is an accessory in the same way that your cufflinks might be. You should, therefore, have a wardrobe of scents to fit with your mood, the occasion and your clothes. Spray a quick burst onto your chest after a shower – you will already be warm from washing and so, as the cologne heats up under your shirt, it will really open up.
If you’re visiting an art gallery, respect the silence, avoid loud conversations, and don’t talk on your phone. Be observant about other visitors and don’t intrude on their personal space. Appreciate the work, but don’t lecture your companions. Keep strong opinions to yourself (“Call that art!”). Don’t ‘hog’ paintings or barge in front of other people and never, ever touch the exhibits.
On the basis that one unit is equivalent to a dollar, euro or pound, tip bellboys or porters one or two units per case as they leave the room. If the doorman calls a cab for you tip one or two units. Leave housekeeping five units for short stays (more for longer) – never give the money to reception, it probably won’t reach the correct pocket. If you call for room service, give two units for supper, one unit for drinks (the exception is the USA where they will have added a 15 or 17.5 per cent delivery charge already).
The sequence of collar, cuff, sleeve, yokes, back and lastly, the front is recommended. The shirt should be damp (preferably from the wash), unbuttoned, with any collar stays removed. Iron the underside of the collar first, then the outside from the point of the collar to the centre. Cuffs should be ironed unbuttoned and unfolded; start with the inside first. Work sleeves from the top to the cuff. When ironing the yoke, fit it over the narrow end of the board. When ironing the front panels, work around the buttons and pay special attention to the panel with the buttonholes which will be on show when the shirt is worn.
Beat jet lag by drinking plenty of water before, during and after flying. Set your watch to the same time as your destination as you board and try to sleep accordingly – early morning flights that land at night tend to be less popular and you might be able to spread out and sleep. Don’t drink caffeine before the flight and don’t drink alcohol on board. Whatever your destination, try not to go to bed before 10pm. Eat minimally during the flight – food will leave you bloated and unable to drop off.
As a general rule, don’t kiss colleagues or clients, though it is becoming more common, so you will need to go with the flow, but remember two kisses can seem over the top in a professional environment. Usually go for the right cheek first but be prepared to change direction at the last minute – use humour to deflect embarrassment over the meet-in-the-middle mix-up. Cheek skin must make brief, light contact; avoid sound effects, air kissing and saliva traces.
There are multiple ways to lace a shoe, but there are three that are the most effective. The strongest, and best-looking, is to have the laces crossing parallel to one another. A basic criss-cross is also sturdy, though it doesn’t tend to look quite as good. A more stylish option is to criss-cross- the laces over the top, and then feed them up and underneath the eyelets, rather than across the tongue. Laces, generally, should be of the same colour as the shoe.
Protect wool and cashmere from moths by putting cedar blocks in your drawers and wardrobe. Small bunches of dried lavenders also deter moths. Make sure knitwear is clean before it’s put away and store for longer periods – such as the summer months – in sealed containers.
Unfold your napkin (never ‘serviette’) and place it in your lap before you start eating. It’s not there to act as a catch-all solution to messy manners, so never tuck it into your shirt collar. It’s okay to occasionally dab the corners of your mouth, if necessary, but avoid grand side-to-side wiping gestures. When you have finished eating, place your napkin, unfolded, beside your plate.
Hold the onion on its root end and cut vertically in half. Working from the top to the root, peel off the papery layers. Trim the pointed end, but not the root. Place on the board cut side down and make a series of parallel cuts that stop just short of the root. Then make a series of cuts across the onion at right angles to the earlier cuts, right up to the root. The diced flesh will fall away – the finer your slices, the finer the dice.
Port is a sweet, fortified wine from the Douro region of Portugal. Bottle-aged port spends little time in a cask. Cask-aged ports mature in wooden barrels until they are ready to drink. It is a wine to be laid down, as a cask-aged port that spends two years in a barrel will last 20-40 years in a bottle. In formal situations a port decanter will be placed on the table. You should help yourself then pass it on, always to the left. The tradition of passing the port originates from naval dinners where the port was always passed ‘port to port’ around the table, ie to the left.
Qigong (or Chi Kung) is an excellent form of exercise for men who want to move beyond the merely physical, who prioritise clarity of thought and improved mental focus. It combines meditation with exercise and is based on correcting the flow of energy that runs through the body. Most variations tend to involve breathing techniques, moving exercises, still postures and mental training. It is particularly good for correcting posture and mental discipline.
There is no technical proof of the sonic superiority of vinyl compared to CDs. However, what the two formats say about you is perhaps more important. CDs are functional and convenient; vinyl, on the other hand, points to a man who appreciates the art-form in his hand – from the seductive black grooves of the record to the attention to detail in the cover artwork itself. And running your fingers through a shop’s record racks always beats browsing online.
The groom should never pay. While it is traditional to humiliate the groom, exercise some restraint and go for a light-hearted option – you do not want the wedding to be called off because of a disastrous mishap. If you’re organising a stag-do, subtly find out the budget of members of the party – don’t propose going abroad if no one can afford it. Always check if your chosen venue allows stag parties – many don’t. Never arrange the stag-do for the night before the wedding.
Never say to a tailor: “You’re the expert, go off and make me a suit”. They will make something they like, but which you may not. If you don’t know exactly what you want, at least know what you don’t want. Don’t ask for something they don’t do; a traditional Savile Row tailor is unlikely to be too wacky. It is important to be flexible. Just because you have your heart set on a certain style it doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Once you have found a tailor you like, stick with him; it takes time to build up another relationship.
The only person who should know who your underwear is made by is you, so keep your waistband to yourself. You aren’t a rapper; trousers should cover your underwear. If you are wearing just boxers, remove your socks immediately.
Usually overrated and underwhelming, VIP areas rarely attract true VIPS and often lack the buzz and atmosphere of the rest of the venue. If, however, you are lucky enough to find yourself closeted with some recognisable faces, don’t act overly impressed. Never try to take a photo, no matter how subtle you think you are being, and don’t stare.
Three-piece suits are less common these days but can still look good. With the coat off, a waistcoat gives your upper half structure as it works in a similar way to a corset. A waistcoat lengthens the body – it allows you to wear a flattering fabric from neck to toe – so works well on larger men or those with shorter legs. Waistcoats should have six or seven buttons, but the lowest should always be left undone.
Different people will have different parameters for what constitutes acceptable viewing, reading and conversational material. A true gentleman will always err on the side of caution and will stick to safe topic and inoffensive language until he has judged his companions’ tolerance.
If you’re invited on a sailing trip, pack light and use soft luggage (storage space is limited). Always bring a spare set of everything as there’s a good chance you’ll get wet. Never wear leather-soled or hard shoes; always wear plimsolls, trainers or deck shoes. Ask for permission to board before stepping from the shore. Noise travels on the water, so keep your opinions about your neighbours’ attire to yourself. Never throw anything overboard and never argue with the captain.
If you notice someone has their flies undone, embark on the path of minimal embarrassment and remember discretion is critical. If you are on friendly terms, take them to one side and let them know. If, on the other hand, you are hoping they will become a business associate, it may be wise to keep your lips sealed and your eyes firmly above belt level. If someone draws attention to your own zip, trust that they have your best interests at heart and are not trying to humiliate you. Smile confidentially and thank them for saving you any further embarrassment.
Click here to purchase a copy of The Debrett's Guide for the Modern Gentleman
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