Anybody who has spent any time in Britain will soon find themselves closely acquainted with the art of chit chat. Defined by the dictionary as ‘inconsequential conversation’ or ‘talk about trivial matters’, chit chat is the most basic form of small talk. It is a preliminary in all types of social encounters, ranging from an exchange with a shop assistant or a conversation with a hairdresser or the postman to brief encounters with strangers on buses, trains, at the gym or swimming pool, in the doctor’s waiting room and so on.

Chit chat oils the wheels of everyday interactions and helps put everyone at their ease. It is always mundane and never challenging. Its close relation, small talk, which is practised in social situations such as drinks parties or dinners, is polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters; it may be the opening sally in a new acquaintanceship that could lead ultimately to friendship or romance, whereas chit chat is an end in itself. Its primary function is to make everyday life easier, to make the world a more friendly place.

Chit chat also plays an important role in work environments. Colleagues enjoy chatting over their morning coffee or while waiting for the lifts. They will frequently engage in a few moments of chit chat before getting down to the business of meetings and presentations. Visitors from other cultures may well find these banal exchanges somewhat puzzling – why is everyone talking animatedly about the weather when they could be addressing the matter in hand? But these preliminaries are an important ritual; they lay out common ground and seek consensus (even if it only about the awfulness of the weather, or the inefficiency of the trains), which can be an invaluable foundation when it comes to more challenging discussions.

Ultimately, chit chat is about sharing; it is a moment of connection where agreement is asked and offered. The short-lived bonds it creates are effective ways of moderating our behaviour – we are much more likely to be polite, considerate and courteous towards people with whom we have established a connection, however tenuous it may be.

Universal Chit Chat Topics

The Weather

A universal ice-breaker, the weather offers a neutral topic, which everyone, from a small child to a grandmother, enjoys discussing. Other countries endure far more noteworthy weather events – droughts, hurricanes, tornadoes – but British weather is, above all, unpredictable. Sunshine, showers, wind and snow sweep across the country with great rapidity, providing an ever-changing outlook, meaning that with the weather as the focus of interest, conversation is never going to falter.

Traffic and Transport

We all of us are obliged to travel from A to B and it is safe to say that our journeys do not always run smoothly. Our roads are overcrowded, riddled with potholes and beset by roadworks. Trains do not run on time, and are bedevilled by engineering works, staff shortages and signal failures, buses are unpredictable. In short, we have much to grumble about and a shared moan with a stranger can be a very bonding experience.

Opening up the Conversation

On occasion, chit chat can be quite prolonged and may expand to embrace a wider range of topics, but once you have departed from the universal topics (see above), you will need to be conscious that you might be straying into areas of non-engagement and you will have to assess the responses of your conversational partner and be ready to change the subject if necessary.

Sport

This is by no means a guaranteed topic of general interest but there are undoubtedly occasions when a sporting event – World Cup football, Wimbledon tennis final, Olympic Games – sweeps many people up in an enthusiastic fervour. On these occasions, it is acceptable to ask the simple question: “Did you see the football (tennis/rugby/100 metres etc) final?” Be ready to change the subject immediately if you are met with blank-faced incomprehension.

Weekend plans

This topic is particularly useful for work colleagues who may have only a passing acquaintance but feel that it is important to show a modicum of interest in each other’s lives in order to reinforce esprit de corps in the workplace. So, as the working week nears its end, you could ask “Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend?” and at the beginning of the work week you can ask “Did you have a good weekend?” If you are questioned and have very little of interest to report, it is easy enough to brush off the query with a polite and bland response, eg “Not really – I seemed to spend the whole time cooking and cleaning”.  If your weekend is packed with conversation-worthy activities (extreme sports, mini-breaks, parties, theatre trips etc), you will have plenty to chat about –just make sure you don’t start to monologue or, worse still, boast about your exciting life.

Local Interest

If you’re chit chatting with someone who lives near you there may well be plenty of topics that relate to your neighbourhood. Often these might be shared complaints – missed rubbish collections, poorly maintained roads, bad planning decisions, shop closures – and it is always enjoyable to bond over these preoccupations. Or you might find that you learn something new about your locale – a newly-opened café, changes in parking rules, amended opening hours at the local library etc etc.

Shared Interest

A lot of chit chat will focus on the circumstances of your meeting. If, for example, you are chatting to a fellow parent at the school gate you will have a wealth of common ground (your children, the teachers, school policies etc) that will stimulate conversation. Similarly, if you’re talking after an exercise class, you may enjoy comparing notes about your fitness regime. A lot of chit chat will emanate very naturally from the fact that you are sharing an experience or interest with another person.

Can you Chit Chat?

With the loneliness epidemic growing, it is apparent that many of us are living more self-contained lives. We work from home, interact on social media, shop online. The number of casual meetings that we experience each day is diminishing and many of us are becoming less confident about our ability to converse easily with strangers and casual acquaintances. Some of us even take steps to avoid casual encounters – crossing the road to avoid acquaintances or fiddling with our phones so we don’t have to chat with shop assistant or barista.

If you’re a chit chat avoider, consider the fact that most people agree that casual conversations with strangers enhances feelings of wellbeing and positivity, and try and do the following:

•Start small. Simply smiling warmly and saying “Good morning” or “have a nice day” is an important first step.

•If someone asks you “how are you today?” resist the temptation to just mutter “Fine”. Challenge yourself to add something, even if it’s just a reciprocal “How are you?”.

•Remember a simple pleasantry can be an opportunity to launch into a chit chat topic: “Well, I’m not really enjoying this terrible rain…”

•Chit chat is a positive interaction: the idea is to reinforce and agree, so don’t come back with argumentative responses.

•If you want to prolong the interaction, remember to ask questions and don’t get carried away by a rambling monologue. If you find yourself talking, uninterrupted, for more than 60 seconds you have been talking for too long.

•Don’t be nosy. Chit chat is essentially bland and non-intrusive and most British people do not like being asked personal questions (for example about marital status, family, finances, politics) by total strangers.

•Know when you’re beaten. Your conversational gems may fall on stony ground and if someone really doesn’t want to engage in chit chat you can’t make them. Move on and don’t be discouraged.