This dull question has killed a thousand conversations, and yet it is still a reliable fallback position, trotted out at social encounters as an ‘icebreaker’.
In days gone by, it would have been considered alarmingly direct and interrogative. The whole conversational dance was about avoiding asking direct questions, but instead using wit, observation, banter and discussion about general topics (ranging from the weather to political questions of the day) to build up a comprehensive picture of your new acquaintance. Eventually, in the course of this elaborate social game, hints or allusions to professions or work life might well have been dropped, and there was some satisfaction to be found in one’s ability to extrapolate this information from oblique reference. But the direct question was not asked.
So much has changed. We are probably less socially adept than our ancestors, who valued the art of conversation and excelled at the subtle skills of nuance and suggestion. They recognised a clear delineation between the work and social spheres. But in a rapidly changing world, where technological developments are obliterating traditional occupations and creating whole new areas of employment, many of us feel subsumed by our work life. We are on call 24/7, we are expected to be available at all hours, we work at home, in cafés, on public transport. We are preoccupied by work and find it hard to switch off.
We may well feel taken over by our jobs, but they should not define us. The hours that we spend working to earn our living may have very little to do with our passions, aspirations, hobbies or even, ultimately, our ambitions; they may simply be a pragmatic solution to the perennial problem of earning enough to live.
When someone asks “what do you do?” at a social event, there is often a feeling that they are trying to pigeon-hole or define us. We own up to a job and various assumptions are made about us – our talents, our abilities, our earning potential, our education. The job question is a shortcut to getting to know someone, but not necessarily a very accurate one.
For some of us, the job question is simply embarrassing. After all, many of us find ourselves washed up in jobs that are not commensurate with our abilities, a dead end, or a temporary staging post while we try and decide what we do with our lives. These jobs do not define who we are, and we resist being interrogated about them.
Of course, there are also people who will rejoice in this question, because they are proud of their profession and status, and know that it will impress the people they meet, who will draw a number of positive conclusions about their skills, intelligence and ability.
You may not like this question, but you will inevitably be asked it from time to time, and it is a good idea to think about ways to respond. If asked, you should of course reply with a straight answer – evading the question or prevaricating looks shifty and suspicious. But you might want to do one of the following:
•Move on
Give your answer and politely change the subject – “I’m a university lecturer, but let’s not talk about that – I’d like to hear more about your trip to South America”. With luck, your interlocutor will take the hint and move on. If they drill down with further questions, you will have to accept that you are being interrogated and answer with good grace.
•Over-elaborate
Give your answer and then deluge your interrogator with a technical, jargon-filled detailed job description: “I’m a digital marketing strategist, leveraging data analytics and consumer behaviour insights to optimise spend patterns. I aggregate, segment, and analyse first-party data to refine targeting parameters, ensuring precision in cross-platform digital ad execution. My role involves end-to-end campaign orchestration – conceptualising, designing, and deploying multi-channel strategies across social ecosystems, optimising for conversion metrics and engagement KPI.”
You will either bamboozle and bore your questioner with your impenetrable answer or, if you happen to be talking to someone who works in the same field, you might find this conversational sally leads to an instant feeling of connection, and you end up building new contacts and networking opportunities.
•Dismiss
If you really don’t want to get into job talk, and especially if you’re doing a job that you feel says very little about your character or personality, brush off your questioner with a flippant remark: “I work in an abattoir – they were the only people who’d hire me!”; “I’m a supermarket manager – it’s a good thing I’m a shopaholic!”. You will be indicating that you clearly don’t want to get embroiled in job talk, and it is to be hoped that the conversation will move on.
•Move on to the General
Answer the question politely, but then segue seamlessly into a general observation that relates to your field of work – “I’m a French teacher – but nobody seems interested in modern languages these days. Were you taught a foreign language?”. You have steered the conversation away from the particular question (your job) and onto a more general issue (modern languages teaching).
•Tit for Tat
You can answer the question as briefly as possible, and then fire the same question back to your interrogator. They may recoil and realise that their own question was irritating. But there is a substantial risk that they have been hoping that you will do precisely this and can’t wait to elaborate at length about their fascinating job. Unfortunately, you will have to grin and bear it.
•Reject the Question
Only go for this option if you are really annoyed by your questioner. Answer the question, but then add “But that’s only half the story – there’s so much more to life than work!”
Looks like you haven't made a choice yet.