The latest report from the British Retail Consortium paints a depressing picture. It indicates that violent and abusive incidents increased by 50% last year, with an astonishing 2,000 incidents per day being reported nationwide.

Undoubtedly, much of this behaviour is tied up with the alarming rise in shoplifting – with 20 million incidents being reported in a single year. When shopworkers attempt to intervene or to confront the perpetrators, they frequently find that they are putting themselves at risk of attack and abuse.

How did our shops become a social battleground?  It should be noted that this is the thin end of the wedge – many other customer-facing workers, from transport and bank staff to call-centre operators and health centre receptionists are also dealing with abuse, and we are all becoming used to the plethora of posters and announcements in publics places and on buses, tubes and trains, which plead with us to have patience, respect staff and behave with civility.

Commentators have identified a range of reasons for the behavioural decline:

•Rage at being thwarted

Obviously, if a member of the public is shoplifting – whether for their own benefit or working to order for a criminal gang – a shop-worker who intervenes represents a threat. They might raise the alarm or summon reinforcements, and they therefore present a major obstacle at a time of maximum stress and pressure. The perpetrators tend to lash out with verbal or physical abuse, and their feelings of rage and aggression are often greatly compounded by the sense that they themselves are transgressing.

•Severe pressure

There are many factors that contribute to feelings of being under intense pressure. Rising prices have inevitably made weekly grocery shops a painful and precarious business for many people. When something further goes wrong – an item is out of stock, or a staple has become even more expensive – it can tip people who are feeling fragile into full-blown range.

•Alarm at automation

All our services are steadily becoming more automated, from self-service checkouts at busy supermarkets to self-check-ins at doctors and dentists’ surgeries. Often, when we seek to engage with a human being, we are fobbed off, and told to go online, or visit the company’s website. The increasing depersonalisation of all our mundane encounters inevitably causes rage and frustration. We all know that technology has glitches, or is badly designed and impenetrable, and many of us will have had a deeply unsatisfactory encounter with an automated service. If this cannot be resolved by a real human being, it can cause deep frustration.

•Poor service

True, the customer is not always right, but neither is the service-provider. Sometimes, feelings of frustration are understandable. Shop assistants might be rude and unapproachable, more interested in their own conversations or preoccupations than interacting with a customer. They might have an unfortunate manner and be devoid of charm or grace. They might be lumbered with a very poor policy or service (eg a harsh returns policy) that they are having to present to customers, who are understandably provoked.

•Loss of social skills

It has become a truism that online life is eroding our social capacity. Many of us live atomised and lonely lives, working from home, interacting with our fellow human beings by digital means. While the myriad modes of communication available to us are undoubtedly super-convenient, it is certainly true that online interactions are not particularly like real life encounters. We do not have to deal with the battery of social signals and body language clues that inevitably accompany real life socialising, enabling us to judge moods and feelings. We become adept at broadcasting pithy, and sometimes abrupt or aggressive, announcements, rather than taking the time to listen intently to what is being said, to observe the other person and assess how they are feeling. Confronted with a difficult situation in real life, we are falling back on our online persona, which is self-assertive, brusque and judgmental (think about all those rude comments on social media…). If we exhibit the same lack of inhibition in real life as we do online, we may find ourselves in difficulty.

•Lack of empathy

It’s such a simple, and fundamental, ability, but it is sadly being eroded in our high-pressure, fast-paced world. It is simply a matter of pausing, whenever there is a difficult or challenging encounter, and taking the time to think about how the other person is feeling and assess how your behaviour is impacting on them. If you can see that your tirade is likely to be causing fear, embarrassment or stress, now is the time to back-pedal, and maybe even to acknowledge the problem: “I know that this must be very difficult for you, and I’m sorry if I appear to be angry, but it’s been so hard to resolve this issue…”

Improving the Situation

The more we unleash our frustrations on frontline workers the worse the situation will become. Displays of untrammelled rage and anger are never a sensible way of resolving a problem, not least because the person who is being attacked will inevitably become completely demoralised. Since one of the main reasons for poor service is short-staffing and absenteeism, lambasting the workers who have bothered to show up is counter-productive, and will probably compound the problem.

There are very few situations where apoplectic, disinhibited anger is more effective than courtesy and civility. It is only human to respond positively to someone who is polite, who respects you, and is seeking to resolve an issue through cooperation, communication and understanding. Rage and rudeness are much more likely to cause resentment, and a settled refusal to cooperate or to be flexible or accommodating.

Remind yourself that most people who work in customer care are keen to help and to provide a good service and have not set out to impede you or put obstacles in your way. Get into the habit of thinking about everyone you encounter and reminding yourself that they are human too (even if they’re being distracted, grumpy or abrupt, remember there is probably a good reason for their behaviour).

Try and humanise the encounter by smiling warmly, exchanging a few pleasantries, making small talk, clearly enunciating your “good morning”, “please” and “thank you” essentials. That way, if something does go wrong, you will already have established a social bond, and the goodwill and good manners you have generated will go a long way towards resolving the issue.