By Rupert Wesson
Formality has had a difficult time at work over the last few decades. Take the trajectory from small offices to open plan offices and working from home. Or look at the move from office wear to 'dress down Friday's' to athleisure all day every day. Does it really matter that we are in a race to the (track suit) bottom? What do we miss when we follow the tech bro's rejection of suits and syntax in favour of sweatpants and slang.
At Debrett's, we take the view that formality has the power to achieve a great deal. It conveys sincerity, respect, humility and even a sense of occasion. Not to mention, it costs nothing. Reclaiming formality and using it as your superpower, when done well, can set you apart from the crowd for all the right reasons.
Why, then, has formality seemingly vanished?
People, like all animals, are driven more by fear than favour. Much of people's fear of formality comes from being thought of as aloof, diffident and distant. Maybe it harks back to school days where the cool and rebellious kids ruled the roost and the rest tried their hardest to not standout.
It is undoubtedly true that formality will help you stand out, but it also must be balanced. When balanced with warmth, the effect is beguiling. If you smile, make eye contact and shake hands with your clients and colleagues in a relaxed and natural way people will notice. They may not even remember what you said, or what you did but they will remember how you made them feel. That can only be a good thing.
Let's start with first impressions. Why not use a formal greeting, a full name (never presuming to shorten it) and maybe even a title along with a handshake when meeting someone for the first time - it is elegant, courteous and respectful.
Think of this approach just as you would dressing more formally for meetings. Doing so conveys thought, effort and respect for the occasion and for everyone who is there. In the same way that you can remove a jacket to dress down, you can always move to less formal ways later if appropriate. Starting at a higher level of formality is always safer, any subsequent move to greater informality can then be a pleasant shared journey. It is certainly preferable to the lonely and unseemly scramble in the opposite direction if you misjudge things.
Not only can we use formality to convey respect to others but we can subtly use it to build our own authority. Formal language and behaviour are perceived as more deliberate, which in turn conveys competence and builds trust. Take the following two examples which are sentences you might use in an email to a client:
"have a look at the attached and tell me what you think"
Vs
"Please take a look at our initial thoughts in our report (attached). I would welcome hearing your thoughts in the next few days."
The second version is certainly a little longer, but is more deliberate and instructive. It is also polite, warm and (crucially) authoritative. It says 'I have taken time over this because our work for you is important' and 'I am really keen to work with you.' Such an approach will always get a better response.
At Debrett's we have seen there is a gap in the market for some well-judged formality, and we can provide coaching for you and your team on implementing formality to build your business with power and authority.
The Debrett's Coaching team provide entirely bespoke training programmes, crafted to your goals. Our business executive training focuses on empowering and energising and cover topics such as:
If you would like to enquire about our bespoke business coaching courses, follow the link below to our contact form. Alternatively, email [email protected] with your enquiry
