Knowing how best to behave in tricky situations isn’t always obvious. Inevitably, you will find yourself confronted with embarrassing social dilemmas from time to time, so here’s our advice on what to do and say to get you out of a hole.

•Someone you don’t recognise greets you like an old friend

Assuming it isn’t a case of mistaken identity and that they clearly do know you, but you just cannot recognise their face, don’t look blank and don’t panic – that is just humiliating for both of you. Smile broadly and apologise, then explain that you’re found recently that your memory for names is completely unreliable – you could add a self-deprecating remark about brain fog. If you still don’t recognise the name when they say it, laugh sheepishly, say the problem must be worse than you thought and that you cannot remember when you two last met. Once you have made the connection then don’t refer to the ‘memory loss’ again, just make up for it by being warm and friendly.  If you really cannot recall name or meeting when prompted, then perhaps you really do have a problem and should seek professional advice.

•A colleague or acquaintance belittles you in public

Humiliating though it may be, don’t retaliate with an insult. But you don’t need to turn the other cheek either. Look them straight in the eye and calmly say “Please don’t embarrass yourself and everyone else further by being rude”, then turn to someone else, smile and start a new conversation. Witnesses will be left in no doubt who is the social misfit.

•When you get the dress code completely wrong

It is easier to get away with being over-dressed than under-dressed. If you arrive at a dinner party in your best bib and tucker and everyone else is in jeans, just laugh and joke that you always dress for dinner, even at home. But when you arrive in daywear and discover it is a black-tie event, it may just be best to turn around and head for home – unless your presence really will be missed, in which case make your apologies immediately to the host and grin and bear the embarrassment. This will probably involve explaining your faux pas to fellow guests, so try and turn your mistake into an amusing anecdote – people will be more charmed by self-admitted haplessness than carelessness. Avoid this potential blunder by checking the dress code in advance and, if in doubt, ask the host about expectations or consult with one of your fellow guests.

The Special Diet

If you are invited to dine at a restaurant or someone’s home whilst doing the Atkins/Keto/Paleo or Grapefruit diet (or whatever latest trend may be), the guidance is simple: “put up or shut up” but don’t expect your friends or colleagues to suffer the diet with you. If you are hosting at home, either prepare something delicious that fits with your diet (if that’s remotely possible) or cook a ‘normal’ meal for your guests and make a separate dish for your own consumption. If you’re meeting friends in a restaurant, try and order ­– and eat – food that fits in with your diet, but don’t bore everyone with your nutritional travails.

Conversely, if you are the host and are presented with a list of demands from faddy eaters then you must exercise good judgement; if you can accommodate the requests without making the meal insufferable for your other guests, then do so – otherwise, explain politely but firmly, what you are planning to serve and if that doesn’t suit your guest, offer to make plans for another date when you can go out together to a restaurant of their choice.

•You meet a friend’s partner in a restaurant – with a date

If it is possible to ignore them then this is the easiest option – if they have any decency, they will leave at the earliest opportunity. If you must acknowledge them, don’t be rude (you might just have misread the situation) but you don’t have to be friendly either. Stay cool, even if introduced to the ‘date’, and if you want to make it plain where your loyalties lie, smile imperturbably and say you look forward to having the offender and your friend round for supper very soon. If the ‘date’ looks furious you know your remark has hit home. Whether you choose to confront them or ignore them, don’t be tempted to get straight on the phone to tell your friend; wait a decent interval until the offender has had the chance to offer an explanation before ‘casually’ mentioning the encounter.

•Your friend’s partner makes a pass

If you are at a party and they are tipsy, it is very easy to rebuff them sweetly and not take offence – take it as a compliment and blame their behaviour on impaired faculties. Don’t tell your friend, especially if you think it was genuinely the drink talking. If made when sober, a pass is an altogether a more serious matter and you consider the consequences of your actions before responding. If you take the moral high road and become outraged, you run the risk alienating the offender who will no doubt try to distance you from your friend. If you become upset, it will make future meetings awkward, and your friend will sense something is wrong.

The best option it to treat it as an aberration – make it clear you are surprised and disappointed and offer the offender a face-saving excuse “it must be the stress of your new job that made you act so out of character”. Tell them firmly that you won’t be telling your friend this time and that you should both forget it ever happened. But make it clear that if you see or hear of this behaviour becoming a habit then you will no option but to tell your friend.

•Your in-law makes snide remarks to you behind your partner’s back.

Don’t rise to the bait and try not to involve your partner as asking them to take sides is potentially unfair and divisive. If it happens repeatedly, take the offender to one side and calmly ask if they realise how hurtful and undermining their remarks are. Explain that their behaviour is not conducive to good family relations and is stressful for your partner, who feels responsible for their behaviour and is naturally protective towards you. Politely suggest that if they do not feel willing to respect your position and behave courteously in future, then they must appreciate that they will not be welcome to join in further family occasions. Don’t threaten or be rude – maintain a dignified distance and give them the benefit of the doubt; maybe you aren’t their ideal choice for their precious child but by showing them you can be calm and collected, you may just win them round.

•You are out to dinner with friends and the bill is escalating

We all have friends who are over-indulgent and extravagant – and what’s worse, they don’t have to worry about how much it is costing. Try and head off the situation by explaining in advance that you have some hefty bills this month and that you want to go somewhere low key; that way, they will have fair warning and should adjust their behaviour accordingly. If you find the situation is getting out of hand at the restaurant, then speak up – tell your friends that you are sure that they won’t mind if you don’t join them in that expensive bottle of wine or a la carte menu. Make it clear that you don’t want to spoil their fun but if they want to push the boat out, maybe it would be sensible to ask for separate bills. If they have any tact, they will alter their choice or offer to pay for their more lavish choices.

•A friend or colleague is gossiping behind your back

Hearing from a friend or colleague that someone is spreading malicious gossip about you is never an easy thing to deal with, but it needs to be nipped in the bud. First, be aware that the story may have been twisted, so tread carefully – innocently tell the ‘gossip’ that it has come to your attention that someone (mentioning no names) has been spreading tales or discussing your private affairs in public. Suggest to them that if they hear anything, they should tell you who is the culprit and explain that you have asked your other friends/colleagues to do the same. Now that you have alerted them that you know what is happening, make them feel guilty by saying how disloyal it is to do such a thing and how you are surprised that anyone you know could stoop so low. If they have any honour they will desist immediately and even if they do not feel suitably ashamed, it is most likely that they will be too cowardly to continue when they know that they may be uncovered.